SUPA- The Boyfriend (654 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Whore of Babylon (View user info) at 2007-04-17 19:54:02 EDT
Here's an attempt at Heroic Couplets. Definitely not my best work, but I'm ass deep in papers and projects.
The Boyfriend
He swooped in with a voice that weakened knees,
Whispered to her like Mephistopheles,
"I don't believe that you will need that part,"
So smirking then, he pointed at her heart.
She sighed and stabbed her hand into her chest,
And tore the rotten egg out of its nest.
He smiled and took it from her shaking hand.
He ate of it, and said, "This tastes quite bland.
Perhaps instead this bit here will sustain."
And so the demon asked her for her brain.
This she gave, and without hesitation,
"Thank you for the generous donation."
He took a bite out of the bitter mass,
Then shook his head, and said, "I think I'll pass."
He then proclaimed, "Whatever shall I do?
I will be fed, even if not by you."
Desperate now, she knew not what to say,
Or what to offer him to make him stay.
She offered him the last thing she possessed.
He bowed and said, "If you think that is best."
And as she emptied herself of her soul,
He snickered and he swallowed it quite whole.
Now sitting here she barters with her god,
A man she reckoned her divining rod,
She's dry as dust and weather hardened dirt,
Made up of brittle bones and bankrupt hurt.
All eaten up and utterly undone,
And still she tells herself she's found the one.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 23:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I regret that we won't get to have a Come-Come-Commala/O Discordia face-off in this little to-do.
Rain check?
This does a lot while using very little. I'm a fan of anyone who can pull that off, and even more so if they can successfully be engaging and fucking eerie at the same time. I'd say some of the word choices were a bit flat, but this is a pretty limiting exercise and so I can't fault you for that.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-18 16:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always look forward to reading your stuff, but at first glance, I wasn't sure I was going to like this. By the time it was over, though, I had the signature Anansie creepiness-with-the-feminine-perspective feeling that I often get from your writing. Very good.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for Annie Sprinkle
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm, not bad, just not quite as good as aome of the other poems, which were very good.
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excelente.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-18 04:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-18 03:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cunninglingus
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-18 03:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-18 01:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-04-17 21:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
swing and a hit
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rough, yet potent.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. Demons, brain eating, yes.