Inserting a brain would be helpful (822 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.2 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Abbey (View user info) at 2007-05-18 14:08:17 EDT
A bit of background. I teach at a very high-end private school. Most of these kids couldn't find a sense of humor if they tried, nor tie their shoes on their own. I tend to have a rather sarcastic sense of humor, which generally doesn't work well for them. They don't GET IT. Too bad.
After 21 years of teaching, I have to find new and novel ways to entertain myself. If I don't, I would end up like the boring old teachers we have all had.
My easiest game is to make some spoiled, snot-nosed kid cry. I know that sounds bad, but it sadly makes me feel good to bring them back to reality from time to time.
Yesterday, though, was the trophy. In addition to teaching math, I also teach classes in computer programming, graphic design, and video game design. In my 20 station lab, I have Vision software which allows me to sit at one station and monitor each student on their own computer. I can take over individual computers, or the entire lab. I mess with the kids all the time by taking over their computer and typing / drawing crap on their work. They're all pretty used to it, so it's a jewel to find one that STILL hasn't caught on this late in the school year.
Blake hadn't caught on. Poor 12 year old Blake. Not the sharpest tack in the box. He was my next victim.
I spent nearly 30 glorious minutes yesterday fucking with Blake's head. All of the other students knew what was going on, but played the game. I took over his computer. He is perplexed.
"Ms. Abbey...my computer is frozen."
"No, it's not. Look...your cursor is moving."
"What the heck? I'm not moving it!! The internet is taking over my computer!!!"
(Meanwhile I'm typing shit on his word document.) ...Blake, why aren't you working harder? You know I'm watching you. I'm very disappointed in your progress. Your father Frank will be very unhappy if you don't get good grades.
Blake is freaking out.
"They know about me! They know I don't work hard. They know my father!"
"Blake, try and blow on your mouse. It might clean it out."
Insert Blake madly blowing on his mouse.
"Try and rub it on the monitor. That might help."
Insert Blake furiously rubbing his mouse on the monitor.
By the end of the 30 minutes, Blake had done the following to get his mouse working:
1) Blow on the mouse.
2) Rub it on the screen.
3) Blow and rub on the screen at the same time.
4) Rubbed the mouse with another mouse.
5) Was convinced that his monitor was a touch-screen monitor, hence madly touching the screen while I was clicking wherever he touched.
6) Unplugged the mouse as it might work better on battery power.
7) Rebooted.
8) Tried to reset the voice-recorder in the mouse. "Just talk to it, Blake. It needs to know you better."
9) Tried using the mouse upside down so the little red light would have a better connection with the computer.
Blake, fortunately, will never have to worry about making a living, or thinking ever again.
This is my life.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-05-26 02:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
omg I just committed an uncool banning offense.
I take it back, Im not going to send this to your boss.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-05-26 02:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or H. Michael. I do get the two of them confused.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-05-26 02:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think Neil is going to like this very much
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-05-26 02:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just sent this to your boss
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-05-21 23:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If this is true, you have issues and probably should not be around children. If you made it up, it's weak.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-20 18:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you must be an absolute crap teacher.
and you're not funny.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-20 08:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're 46, so you were born in 1960 or 1961. You were 6 or 7 when I graduated high school.
Teachers back then weren't boring, but they knew how to teach. Any teacher who taunted a student
solely for the purpose of stroking her own ego would have been fired.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-19 15:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 23:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Bubba. Enjoy your boring as shit teachers.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know you were old.
..................................
sigh...yep.
****
Old? Yes. Dumber than fuck? Yes. Brainless dolt masquerading as a "teacher?" Yes.
You ignorant slut. You suck, and not in a good way.
Picking on a student, regardless of his intellectual acumnen, is rude. You, Madam, are beyond rude. You are a fucking fool, and dumber than a post. A stupid post. Die, you stupid twat...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe this story
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 19:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jonny X has such hate. Oh, wait...this is Uber.
What would you rather have...a teacher who is boring as shit, or one that actually has some fun with you? It's not like I humiliate them and leave them to slaughter. They know my personality and have a good laugh at it in the end. For Christ's sake...it's fucking fractions and decimals. Somebody has to liven it up a bit or we're all going to be bored to tears.
I even told "Blake" that I posted this on an unnamed website. He got a huge kick out of it. He thinks he's famous now. (I'm biting my lip on the brain issue right now.)
Submitted by fuck_button (user info) at 2007-05-18 19:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 20:38:36 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously, when I tell a student to draw any size circle on a piece of paper, and they ask me how to do it, I want to shoot myself. This happened today. I simply walked over to the kid and gently twisted his ear saying, "Turn you BRAIN on."
==============
For some reason, the mental image of this made me laugh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-18 17:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Email me that picture where you have your legs behind your head.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU TOFF BITCH I HOPE SOME GINGER HAIRED CHAVS GANG-RAPE YOU ON THE HIGH STREET
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know you were old.
..................................
sigh...yep.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know you were old.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you pwned a twelve-year old and now you're bragging about it on the internet.
WINNAR.
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Very true.
I'm quite known to mess with kids. Actually, they like it. It adds a bit of spice when you're learning how to divide fractions...not very exciting.
Seriously, when I tell a student to draw any size circle on a piece of paper, and they ask me how to do it, I want to shoot myself. This happened today. I simply walked over to the kid and gently twisted his ear saying, "Turn you BRAIN on."
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I work in a non exclusive state school, but we have similar software. I can't tell you what I do with it or I would be fired.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A favorite thing for me to do is to send bogus error messages via the server's messager service to co-workers.
===============
Bob
Please make a post describing how to do this
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O RLY mr greening?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe this story
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, how does fucking around on a computer and robbing a child of 30 minutes of education (a child who has no control over his parents socioeconomic status), instill a sense of humor, teach a lesson, or bring him back to reality, exactly?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A favorite thing for me to do is to send bogus error messages via the server's messager service to co-workers.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe this story
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds to me like you need to be bent over the desk and take one from the rear.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the Wicked Witch of the West...
I think I love you.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eh, I don't know. My experience with high-end private schools lead me to believe that any teacher pulling something like that would get fired pretty quick. I smiled anyway so here's a 1.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that would be priceless.
Ya know, considering some of my coworkers have college degrees and still think it's "not fair" that they can't use their mouse in our DOS based programs, or call me to say things like "I hit alt+f4 instead of shift+f4, what do I do?" I wouldn't be surprised if this was a true story.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to go, bitch.
you probably just pushed another
"cho" over the edge.
i hope he blows your brains out
with his daddy's sawed-off
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe this story
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm speechless.
So good....so bad
jesus.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
After feeling your pain at the university level for a year, ive come to learn that rich kids dont need brains to be inserted...
those bastards.
Submitted by ninja01 (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2'S FOR EVERYONE! BRAND NEW ALTER!! BRAND NEW ALTER!! BRAND NEW ALTER!!