7th Annual Ubersite Poetry Contest (1552 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adam™ (View user info) at 2007-08-08 09:17:23 EDT
No rules.
I judge.
1 million dollars up for grabs*.
*I may be lying.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-02 18:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
el oh el
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-06-02 17:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hoor
ay
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-02 16:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aha! I've been looking for this...
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-19 18:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-02-18 17:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The reviews on this are gold
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-02-18 16:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember this.
have another +2
Submitted by iacobus (user info) at 2008-02-08 17:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-11-27 02:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
post something, faggot
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-11-22 16:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
-- Homer Simpson
Simpson's Roasting on an Open Fire
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-22 15:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-22 15:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For the photo +2
For the "Fixed" part on the right -4
------------------------------------
Net = -2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-11-01 17:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAH AHAHAHAHAHA HA *whew*
omg that pic actually made me cry laughing.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-11-01 17:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is always great for a quick pick-me-up.
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud after I read this..... and then we all went and ate some ice cream....
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-09 02:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-09 01:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People will stare at you if you do that, Maurice.
Brilliant.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-08 15:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty awesome
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2007-08-08 15:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done sir.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-08 14:59:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"the normals"
*dies*
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-08-08 14:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"the normals"
*dies*
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there once was a fat emo bitch who liked to cut
when really she was depressed about being a slut
her lips painted black
pussy saggin like a sack
stuffin' twinkies down her throat for her gut.
man, poetry is hard...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cupcakes of Doom
Gold
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The reviews on this are gold
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-08 12:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And, who amongst the B-List Uberers can forget the other Shlongy classic poem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Fuck
You
ta da
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-08-08 11:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename.
Poetry sucks unless it is funny, I don't understand the serious shit.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-08 11:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-08-08 11:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AD NAUSEAM
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why, oh why
Do your nether regions
Have fucking teeth?
How am I going to explain these bite marks
To my boorish Scandinavian wife?
Thanks for nothing, Margaret
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People will stare at you if you do that, Maurice
We've had this discussion once before my dear
So please let's not pretend like this is something new
I'm not trying to change you
Or confine you
Or refine you
Or decline you
Or limit you in impossibly varied ways
Quite the opposite, my love
All I'm saying is,
Which, again,
Is for your own good,
(to me anyway)
Is that if you insist on taking a shit while running at full speed through the streets of Brooklyn
You can't really get pissed off when people look at you
Or talk about you
That's just how it goes,
Dumppants
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She walked in, dressed in black
The veil still on her face
And mascara staining her face
I thought her whorish
Which was the point
But then learned that the body of her husband was just laid to rest
And it was still warm
You've got to honor that level of committment to a profession
Seriously
She had her way with me and I gave her $400
After beating and bleeding me
The woman made me cum on her eyeball and in her ears
In her fucking ears
What a way to spend a Sunday
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a man named O'Doole
Who had a red rash on his tool.
His doctor, a cynic, said
"Get outta me clinic,
and wipe off that lipstick you fool."
Ok so that wasn't a poem or mine.
Funny nonetheless.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep your griddle cakes off of my counter
Keep your shoelaces off of my hardwood
Keep your D-cup off of my evening news
And
for
the
love,
Keep your fucking hands off of my pie
You've been eyeing my puff pastry for too long
And we both know that I'm on to you
I'm deliriously serious about you keeping your distance
Before I face-stab you to the wall
And the authorities have to come by
Again
I can't spend another night in handcuffs
And you can't lose another eye
So just sit back and crochet, darlin'
Unless you want to die
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Adam...you complete me.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and some Zingers,
Always present 'tween my fingers,
Quickly penetrate my lips.
Wonder if my skirt still zips?
----------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONEONE!!!111
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Perforating my vintage Joy Division shirt and ripping my cold heart to pieces. "
------------------------------------------------
You are a funny motherfucker.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and some Zingers,
Always present 'tween my fingers,
Quickly penetrate my lips.
Wonder if my skirt still zips?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-08 10:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My heart is as black as the unwashed clothes I live in,
For it is riddled by a thousand bullets of hate and loathing
Fired from the tommy-gun of conformity,
Perforating my vintage Joy Division shirt and ripping my cold heart to pieces.
Pieces of my life are all that remain in this cold, desolate world of night and darkness and pain and suffering and darkness and desolation and sniffles and hatred and sorrow and darkness and grief and woe and toil and underhandedness and darkness and boo-boos and owies and recrimination and rejection and filth and waste and disappointment
(but particularly darkness).
Remain with me a while, Shame!
Stay with me a moment, Misery!
Afford these anguished, riddled bones a moment of comfort,
Permit me wail my songs of agony into your winds
Before the coming of the garish, angry sun,
That wicked hangman that tans the skin and dries the absinthe in my throat.
O woe is me that unknown pleasures are lost to me
Lost from the trappings and the tommy-gun of comformity
And the eavesdropping of vanity
And the butt-fingering of culture
And the way that society laughs at me, laughs like a drooling gloidchild pointing out a fat asian man with a lazy eye, mocking him not for his ability to see squirrels and ants at the same time, but because he has curly red hair and is named Clarence
And really, what self-respecting asian is named Andre?
I will shroud myself in dark, soy sauce shades
(no respecting Asian, I)
To still the coming of the day
The breaking, bare nut of Helios upon my Morrissey posters
And classic Manson autographs,
I will shroud myself
And pray hopeless prayers to a dead God
Prayers for rain and for your pale skin against mine
While I place this Ziplock bag over my head and tape it closed
So that I may have a moment of bliss
One moment
Before stroking off and staining my Hot Topic jeans in a puddle of my failed, screaming semen.
Submitted by ordinarychick (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was priceless. An easy target, but priceless.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha what a fat pie!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm afraid that taking the piss of obese gothy teenagers writing shitty emo poetry on the internet is just too easy.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
What site is that?
I want to damage emos too.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My heart
Black
Like a Cadillac
Hearse
The pain gets worse
It's like a curse
Shlongy said
"Dipshit, you're dead."
He doesn't know I cut
I'm in a rut
I don't know what
to do to save myself
Or my health
Now I long for death
But still I breath
I mean Breathe
Seethe
Grieve
Bleed until I leave
Leave to die
Kthxbye.
What do I win?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Emowned.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pay up.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44437
The Uber famous "Here I Sit".
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT WORK MY CO-WORKERS THINK IM NUTS
HAHAHAHA
oh boy...
HA...
I better stop.
Internet: 1
Goth movement: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-08-08 09:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Emowned.