Grueberfest '07 "The Doorway" (1166 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2007-10-11 02:53:07 EDT
Michael fidgeted in his seat. The air around him was cool, yet he was sweating profusely. He adjusted his glasses as he began to take another look around the room.
The chairs were made of solid cherry wood. He could see the gleam coming off the highly polished dark wood grain. The upholstery was in a diamond pattern, alternating deep burgundy and green diamonds crisscrossing the fabric. He wanted to think that these chairs were comfortable. They certainly looked comfortable and welcoming, but he didn't feel quite right as he sat there wondering what was to come.
He turned his head to the rest of the room. The walls were a nondescript antique white. There were pictures hanging on the walls showing scenes of families playing and children immersed in different tasks. He could see clearly that these pictures were meant to have a cheery effect, but he just couldn't bring himself to feel it. The lamps on the end tables were lit brightly even though the sun was streaming through the windows beckoning to him to come out and have a great day. He couldn't imagine why these lamps were lit, but he had a sneaking suspicion that they were there to make the room as bright as possible in an effort to beat back the dead and dying. They weren't working so well in his opinion. He looked at the children in the pictures and instantly thought of his children. he looked at the families and immediately thought of his family. What was in these pictures didn't matter anymore.
None of this did.
He leaned back slowly, stretching out the kinks in his back and neck. He felt the vertebrae in his back dance just a little, emitting a cracking noise. He sighed as this happened, remembering how good the stretching was supposed to feel. Now it was just something to do while he waited.
Outside, through the windows, he could see people going through the routines of their everyday lives. People walking down the sidewalk with purpose. Cars driving down the street on their way to complete their appointed rounds. He could see the little signs on the roadway. "No Parking 12 Midnight till 7 A.M.", little blue signs directing drivers to route 90, the New York State Thruway, an arrow pointing the way to the front of the hospital across the street.
Oneida City Hospital. The sign read "Emergency Room only."
From across the street, the hospital looked like a prison, rooms like prison cells housing beings that couldn't leave if they wanted to. Some would likely never leave the confines of that place. A hospital on the outside, but a prison nonetheless.
He turned his attention to the ceiling directly above his head. It wasn't the ceiling that he was actually looking at though. He was trying to see the black cloud that was hovering above him. He was trying to envision the darkness of the roiling mass as it swirled just inches above his head. It had been following him now for four days. Four horrifyingly long days. The four days that he waited to come here.
He heard a voice and quickly turned to the doorway behind him. He was disappointed to find that it was just another human rushing from one side of the room to the other, oblivious of his presence. He sat there for awhile thinking; wondering how God could be so cruel as to put him through the last four days. He was wondering how any benevolent and goodly God could ever put someone he loved through it as well. He sat there and stared at that doorway for quite awhile, waiting for the black clouds above him to open their gates, for the flood to begin.
It was an hour before he could look away. The sign above the door had him riveted in place, the word on the sign holding him hostage like a terrorist relentless in the pursuit of chaos. He cocked his head slightly as he looked at it, wondering who had made such a word; who had come up with such a name for the female anatomy and the procedure that was performed inside.
"MAMMOGRAPHY," he read, whispering it aloud. An explosion seemed to go off in the pit of his stomach, nervousness and dread began to cloud his vision. He thought he heard thunder above him as the darkness became ready to release it onslaught, the clouds ripe with fear and frustration.
He could see his life changing and wondered how they were going to tell the kids that the lump she found in her right breast four days prior was cancer. He didn't want to imagine their grief, he wanted to absorb all that pain unto himself and make it all go away. He wanted to protect them all from this travesty that only a nightmarish ghoul of a God would bestow upon them.
He stared at the sign a little longer as he waited for her return. He could fend off the fear and beat back the demons, but he couldn't stop the rain.
After a few minutes he gave up trying.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
decent.
dreadful opening sentence, like something Sicosemen would write.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But the rain stopped and it was only a cyst.
That sounds like a happily ever after type deal to me, big guy.
At least until the next bump in the road.
Yes, but if I hadn't revealed it was a cyst in the reviews nobody would have known about it. The rain did stop and it is a happily ever after until the next bump in the road situation. Funny thing. I wrote what was scary to me at the time. This isn't your typical scary story. I know that. But sometimes real life can be scarier than fiction.
For me, this is one of those times. I see what you are saying though. Thanks for the feedback.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-12 09:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But the rain stopped and it was only a cyst.
That sounds like a happily ever after type deal to me, big guy.
At least until the next bump in the road.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-12 00:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. . .
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-12 00:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well written. Scary.
Not a horror story, however.
Maybe not for you. :)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-10-11 19:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well written. Scary.
Not a horror story, however.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-11 16:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastically written!
Real life is, and always will be, stranger (in this case-more frightening) than fiction.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-11 15:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are the enemy of the noun
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*scoffs* It's not really gruesome to get cancer. It sucks, but it's not gruesome. It's also not gruesome to lose a loved one. It also sucks and is sad... but not gruesome or scary. Still, it made me smile to meet someone who thinks breast cancer is scary so +1.
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You've obviously never had a doctor tell you that you were gonna die.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Self indulgent, human
well done
glad things turned out better than worse
surgery sucks anyway, be supportive
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will differ with you on this point pshuu, it is scary when someone you love might have cancer, especially when you have kids who are involved. It's not gruesome, but this is not the point. I could have written about anything, I opted to write about what I thought was a most scary thing for me.
It's admirable that you don't think cancer is scary. I think it is, or the prospect of having it anyway. I suppose it's the anticipation of the bad news, the fear of the unknown future, etc. It's as simple as this, you go into the doctor knowing you have something there but not knowing whether or not it is harmless or you have 6 months to live.
I think thats pretty scary.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*scoffs* It's not really gruesome to get cancer. It sucks, but it's not gruesome. It's also not gruesome to lose a loved one. It also sucks and is sad... but not gruesome or scary. Still, it made me smile to meet someone who thinks breast cancer is scary so +1.
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-10-11 12:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hilarity,
Life is good, kids getting older, time passing by in a blur, etc.
Same old, same old.
Thanks for asking though. Very nice of you.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad everything turned out okay. How's everything else, in spite of this craptastic incident, going in you life?
I get to attend my very first professional football game on Sunday with my Dad. I'm stoked.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Ducky.
Hello Hilarity and Merlina.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-10-11 08:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this must be a time warp front page!
fiction by bigmike and shandy banging on about his paedophilia hobby horse
Non-fiction shandy. By the way, I read your piece on pedophilia. You know what slays me? That you believe that it would be a perfectly natural proper response for a man to get excited when a young child sits in their lap. I don't get that at all.
I do however respect the amount of time you have put into the consideration of the topic. The reason I didn't reply on your post? I really have too much to say about how you feel about it and I didn't want to get into an argument.
Seriously.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn those cysts.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-10-11 08:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this must be a time warp front page!
fiction by bigmike and shandy banging on about his paedophilia hobby horse
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-11 07:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write beautifully.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touching and beautifully written.
I know where you're coming from.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lied, i did read it.
I like pretending I don't care and whatnot. Us young people take pride in not caring. I'm sure you understand, pride in feeling comes with age.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't even read it yet, about to, but I know you deserve a two.
Yeah? Well, who knows. You should probably read it first.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't even read it yet, about to, but I know you deserve a two.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-11 02:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To me, this is scarier than anything else I could have written.
It was only a cyst by the way.
The rain eventually stopped.