Hungry Hector (806 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.95 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-05-28 09:15:26 EDT
What the hell are you looking at? Hmmm? That's right, just sit there and stare at the screen and wait for something to happen. You'll be waiting a while, I can promise you that. No mania here. Crazy's off the menu. Hoping you'll catch a glimpse of this lunatic going berserk and treating the nurse to some nasal rape? Well, unlucky. I've retired from such shenanigans. Although nostrils are surprisingly malleable, if you're interested, particularly if there's a high pollen count.
The problem is, no-one believes me about me new-found sanity. Those who find Jesus are celebrated and congratulated regardless of their sins. Well what about me? I've re-discovered reason and sense. I can't even remember the last time I went mental, it was so long ago, but still they gaze at me through alert, cautious eyes. Any minute now, they think, He'll leap into the air with a snarl and commit unthinkable depravities on the first poor sod he gets his filthy hands on.
The fact is, sadly, that this is possible. Since I could never control my murderous temper in the first place, I have only recent evidence to suggest that I am cured of all evils, rehabilitated fully. I never really thought I was psychotic; not really. But when you are confronted by disfigured faces and ravaged anuses you have to learn to step back from the personal opinion of your conscience, consider the situation from the victim's point of view, and hold your hands up. "Okay, okay," I remember sighing from my reinforced hospital bed. "Maybe I'm a bit mental. But I'll get better, I promise."
Three indescribable flurries of bruising lunacy later, they locked me up for good. Stopped even trying to help me recover. They coated my walls in padding and fluff. Force me to eat with plastic cutlery. I found that so insulting. As if I'd attack someone whilst they ate. I mean, really?
When they let me out for exercise, it is in shackles. I waddle about like a penguin, desperate to stretch my legs or reach up to grab a leafy branch. Burly men with bellies flank my every move, watching. Waiting. Desperate to see that glint of mania, or the sickening grimace which forewarns of my violent temper. They long to pounce on me, truncheons withdrawn, and slide my face across the concrete as I am restrained. Roaring with madness, drooling, spitting, babbling in tongues.
They think that if this were to happen they could go home, puff out their meaty chests and tell all and sundry about the demonic villain they had to apprehend. Never mind that I am so sedated I can barely muster enough energy to pass wind with any force.
So take a good look. Peer through the glass at me, lips parted, cogs whirring with curiosity. I already know the questions that dangle on your lips without ever falling out: What goes through his sick mind? Are his attacks pre-meditated or random? What does human flesh taste like?
What I wouldn't give for a bell-bottomed glass of Cellier des Dauphins, my favourite red. Or would I rather a chilled Vouvray? Mmmm. It would depend, I suppose, on what I was having for supper. Mussels, brie, some wheat-bread with chilli-jam...And I suppose its not exactly the sensible thing to say, but a nice hunk of rare human buttock is to die for with a big glass of French red. There are a thousand reasons to reject cannibalism, and only one to embrace it: the delicious gamey taste.
When I was a child I had two friends. One was called Darling, t'other Lick. We did everything together. Played with toys...chased cats...compared high-pitch screams of terror...They were invisible to all but me, and I know now that they weren't. Imagine my surprise, then, when they started visiting again. What a happy revelation. We had much to catch up on, of course, it has been so long. I stupidly mentioned this to the doctor and he gave me some new pills, which seems to have killed them off. I can still hear their voices, though, if I close my eyes tightly and allow my imagination to relax.
I asked them to help me escape. We can't, Darling says sadly. We're imaginary. Isn't that right, Lick?
Lick nods his head in agreement.
I know, in my mind, that I will never kill, maim, sodomise or disfigure again. It was just a phase I was going through. The problem is, no-one believes me. And so here I sit, in my cushioned goldfish bowl, being stared at, probed from afar, controlled by sedatives. It's so frustrating. If I ever get out of this place, I'll make sure everyone knows just how sane I can be.
User Reviews
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-07-08 05:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-29 09:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-05-29 04:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed.
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-05-28 16:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-28 16:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-05-28 07:50:50 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
======
Well, someone had to notice you, cunt.
I love you.
Mostly facetious.
Raaaaaar!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-28 15:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lol
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-05-28 14:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hell yeah.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-28 13:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-28 12:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid again!
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-05-28 12:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmm it tastes like chicken
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-28 12:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-28 11:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One doesn't meet many Hectors nowadays. Maybe this is why...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-28 11:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm cannibalism...
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-28 11:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fey's back?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-05-28 10:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-28 10:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice and short yet kept up my interest.
And about one gabijizillion times better than fucking LOLcat
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And answer the question in my email you lazy bastard!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gnarly.
Very entertaining read.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a bit iain banks derivative but a fucking good read nevertheless.
Nice one mate.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
F.J - your inspiration was clear to me.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love this line: 'Although nostrils are surprisingly malleable'
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's freaky you would mention those books Banjo...
...you've not been spying on me by any chance?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Wasp Factory meets Hannibal Lecter.
Been afflicted with a touch of the crazy have we Flash?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:18:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, thanks. Now try to guess how much of this is fictional...
*wipes drool with sleeve*
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-28 09:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And THIS is a perfect example of why I wander around Uber at all hours of the night/day/morning.
If I could have babies I would have yours.