Can they arrest you for killing a pigeon? (1767 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LittleMonster (View user info) at 2008-06-13 11:19:16 EDT
It's Friday the 13th and I really have had enough now. I have spent all day and I will spend all weekend, trying to brush up on my maths skills so I can minimise the humiliation at my interview on Monday. I really don't think it is going to make a huge amount of difference how much I study, because nothing is going to detract from the huge green bruise around my neck. It looks like I have been severely strangled, or at least tried to hang myself. Neither of these events took place; instead it was merely the cheap temporary necklace I have been using whilst my other one is at the jewellers. I have scrubbed with every substance you cant think of, in the end all I managed to achieve was chaffing, just to add a little more weight behind the hanging theory. Fantastic first impression.
I really should have left myself more time to prepare for the interview, but sadly my uncle picked an awfully inconvenient time to kick the bucket and so I have spent the past week doing a tour of the country attending to family and funerals. It has caused the biggest family gathering on my mothers' side for nearly fourteen years and there's a bloody good reason for that. We're all loony bins. If you have the misfortune of encountering them in numbers, my only advise would be to run and hide until they disperse. There are always going to be problems when you throw together three generations of women that are so similar that we all get each others names mixed up. We even managed to have an all out row in convoy on the way to the crematorium.
Anyway, this is all beside the point. The point is I nearly got arrested on my return trip and I'm still pissed off about it.
The taxi dropped me off at Nottingham train station roughly half an hour early, so I stayed out side the entrance for a quick cigarette and to try and locate my tickets. Just to my right and tucked away in the corner was a very young pigeon. Now, just to be clear, I normally wouldn't take a blind bit of notice of the little cretin. I am aware most city dwellers consider them flying rats and treat them accordingly. I don't really want to get in to that argument, though no doubt someone will take it up. I did notice though, this one was in shitty state.
Its leg was obviously broken and after growing up in the country it took another quick glance to establish that it's wing was too. I finished my cigarette and cursed God for throwing helpless injured animals my way at this fugly time in the morning. I wondered over to the information desk and asked whom it was that would deal with an injured pigeon. The curt response was no one and they promptly gave me the number for the RSPCA. I didn't really think it warranted calling them, but I thought I'd give them a quick buzz to find out what you were supposed to do in such an event. They not so politely told me to bugger off and stop wasting their time. I was getting a bit tetchy about the fact no one gave a shit and so decided that I wasn't going to drop it. In the end it comes down to the fact, I don't care if it's a mouse or a horse, I don't think anything should be left to suffer unnecessarily.
It was still very early and none of the high street shops were open, so I went into the station and asked for a box from the shop there. They wouldn't give me one. No one in the station would. I was a lady on a mission now and I was getting crosser by the second. I stopped a policeman and asked him if he knew where the nearest animal shelter/vets/place that would give me a box would be. I had to then explain to him the box would be for carrying the injured pigeon to said place. He told me that there was nothing close and they wouldn't be open for hours. I explained that no one would take the bird or help me and asked what I should do. He just shrugged and told me to leave it there, it would die in a few hours anyway and the street cleaners would take it away. That's when I suggested that I take it out of sight and wring its neck. Surely it's better than leaving it there and suffering. Either that or he should help me find a box so I can take it away on the train with me and drop it in at a vets along the way. I couldn't wait around because I had to get home to take my own cat the vet that had been very sick. He told me under no circumstances was I to wring the neck of the pigeon and no he would not be helping me.
We got in to a bit of a row at that point. It all got a bit heated until his colleague came over and told me to go get on my train and that I was to go no where near the pigeon. I didn't understand why they wouldn't let me off the poor sod; instead it had to sit in the corner scared and in pain until it died. I told them I really don't think they had a good argument why I couldn't and made a move towards the door. That's when one of them took hold of my arm and informed me that if I touched the pigeon he would arrest me.
Dejected and beaten I let myself be led away, not before telling them both what utter bastards I thought they were. They took me down to the platform and none too gently put me on the train. Maybe someone could explain to me why (seeing as I had done it many times before) wasn't I allowed to kill it and if I'm not allowed to kill it, why wouldn't they help me get it fixed up? I ended up having to sit in a pile of redundant rage all the way home.
The cat's fine now and the contractor did his best not to laugh at me and roll his eyes. My mother told me it was a cruel world and to get used it. I don't want to get used to it, I want people to stop being such arseholes and pretending that if something doesn't directly affect them that it's not their problem.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-23 05:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im not fucking 35!!!!!!!!!
arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2009-01-04 16:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-04 16:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LM is one of the few decent people on this site. Always pleasant, polite, and any other word that starts with P.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-01-04 15:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Maybe someone could explain to me why (seeing as I had done it many times before) wasn't I allowed to kill it and if I'm not allowed to kill it, why wouldn't they help me get it fixed up?"
~~~~~~~~
This kind of thing is what is wrong with the world.
Everybody has an agenda and yet they are unwilling to do anything to help.
Good for you for trying to help.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-12-19 05:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
as much as I would like to be there, don't you guys live in Canada?
Tad far for me to get to.
Pit......
*grumpy face*
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-12-17 12:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me and Rob are meeting for drinks tomorrow night and you are invited, please invite any other Uber Users you know who live in the area.
We are meeting at 7:00 at the Ivanhoe because we're classy that way.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-17 11:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had the best party EVAR on this day...we called it the Boo-B-Que.
Have a point, LM.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-11-17 11:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-28 10:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you saying I have shit jokes Berty? Is that what you're implying?
AND that I cry over rodents?
*crosses Berty off his list of people to invite to the next Ubercon*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-10-28 10:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-10-28 08:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently they do Fakey, so you don't need to worry about me any more. I think even you would aprove of this one. Even if he did whimper like a little girl when I wanted to snuff out a sick rabbit. Aside from that and some horrible jokes he's in possesion of, he's none to shabby.
-----------------------------
If I didn't know better I'd reckon someone had cloned Red.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-28 09:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe he saw Watership Down as a child and it traumatised him?
Bright eyes burning like fire
Bright eyes - how can you close and fail!
Ah Art Garfunkeltron, how wonderful your sweet voice.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-10-28 08:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently they do Fakey, so you don't need to worry about me any more. I think even you would aprove of this one. Even if he did whimper like a little girl when I wanted to snuff out a sick rabbit. Aside from that and some horrible jokes he's in possesion of, he's none to shabby.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-28 04:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They exist?
Well, I hope he puts up with your pigeon killing shenanigans!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-10-28 03:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
s'alright. New boyfriend. A non mental one.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-27 10:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw. I was going to email you but that mightn't be the best idea. Hope you're happy n' healthy.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
life is all shades of awesome el. Don't think I have ever been happier!
Hope things are good with you
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-03 04:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, hope you're ok madam and life is going swimmingly.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-06 03:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-08-05 19:28:15 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
2+ for making me guzzle wine by the fistfull.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's happenin' WeeMonster?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-05 14:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi LM! add me! :)
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deary me, you seem to have died.
Drop us a line when you pop back in, love.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-06-28 07:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-06-16 01:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we used to kill pigeons for fun.
they make great baseballs in an enclosed area.
______
This comment neatly sums up the entirety of what is wrong with humanity. You're on my list, asshole.
To Little Monster;
Kudos for trying to do something about it, attempting to take responsibility.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-06-28 06:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Check your mail :)
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-24 17:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
want = wont
D'uh.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-24 17:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awful stuff about the pigeon. Miss Cricket found a Swanson's Warbler that had smashed itself into the window of our office on Friday. Our office manager expressly forbid us to catch it, treat it, or in any way retain or aid it. So we swore that we would not, and did anyway.
I only break promises to assholes.
There were two frightening moments once we had it in a box in the office; firstly the little guy briefly escaped and meant to fortify himself in the Harpy's office. We retrieved him after a brief recon mission. Secondly, he tried to cram himself under the door to the executive washroom. We retrieved him after a brief hallway blockade.
Six hours later Houdini the Warbler found himself at an animal rescue out in Howard County, where he was accepted into the loving, if a bit rough-edged, hands of a rescue worker.
I'm sorry your story didn't end so well. I find, for future reference, it is best to keep the authorities away from your humanitarian efforts and do what you feel is right.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-24 16:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117184#2729344
I was eating the Ramen one night, sucking down a large swath of noodles without chewing, as I was want to do when I was little, and suddenly, I sneezed.
Out came the noodles.
I'll admit, at first I was a little mortified. I had noodles hanging out of my nose, in my mouth, and dangling down my throat. It was a little difficult to breathe, you see. As quickly as I could I pulled the noodles out of my nose to clear a path for precious oxygen to travel, all to the squeals and shrieks of my siblings.
Well, once you figure out that you can do that and make your sister scream, you practically HAVE TO do it at every opportunity.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-18 04:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As I suspected, you are a complete utter nutter.
:)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-06-16 01:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we used to kill pigeons for fun.
they make great baseballs in an enclosed area.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 23:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-06-13 20:12:48 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 20:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. We're not allowed to put people out of their misery. Why should pigeons expect more?
-----------------------------
Because people are assholes by choice, pigeons can't help that they're dirty.
-----
How do you know people can help that they're assholes? How do you know pigeons aren't dirty by choice? How do you know that?
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-06-13 23:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 20:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. We're not allowed to put people out of their misery. Why should pigeons expect more?
-----------------------------
Because people are assholes by choice, pigeons can't help that they're dirty.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-06-13 23:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Those are good with ranch dressing.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2008-06-13 22:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got back from China actually and people EAT PIGEONS WHOLE there.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-06-13 21:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 20:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. We're not allowed to put people out of their misery. Why should pigeons expect more?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-06-13 18:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, LittleMonster.
Don't you know that everything that isn't compulsory is prohibited?
It's an unfortunate fact that, as a society becomes more crowded and resources become increasingly scarce, rules and regulations become ever more strict and draconian.
Of course, one might argue that such rules ensure that actual abuses are less likely to occur. As for myself, I believe that paper trails and laws do not make people accountable; only the individual concerned can do that. Still, laws make people feel safer and give them something to whine about whenever they're feeling particularly disenfranchised.
Anyway, the point that I'm trying to make here is that it is my belief that a signifigant amount of the apathy we encounter in this world is due to our collective belief that, if something *really* mattered, an annonymous figure of Authority would solve the problem. This allows people to tsk-tsk about things they don't like, while simultaneously absolving themselves of any real need to actually go out and try to correct it.
(pant, pant)
...
Sorry about that. Apathy is a particular pet peeve of mine.
Smootches, you Limey Pirate.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-06-13 18:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Depends. Did it happen in Flanders Field?
Blackadder reference right there.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One other note... if it was suffering, I would have broken it's neck and ended its misery. That's why I picked it up in the first place.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Intriguing outsider below.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once had a pigeon die in my hands. It got hit by a car, looked fine, but was wonky as shit, trying to walk and falling over. There were people all over the block just walking by and ignoring the thing. I picked it up (using a plastic bag as a yuck barrier, I'm not stupid,) and held it for a minute. It looked up at me and a bit of blood dribbled out of it's beak, and then it just died. Poor fuckin thing.
Of course, I still get upset by roadkill.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to get used to it, I want people to stop being such arseholes and pretending that if something doesn't directly affect them that it's not their problem.
----------------------------------------------
So do I, so do I. I've given a deadline of May 24th, 2010 for people to start giving a shit, or I'll stop giving a shit about them, and start spraying lead.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-06-13 14:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate people so much
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-06-13 14:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was waiting for a bus one evening a few weeks ago and spotted a half trodden worm lying in the rain. My brain was frazzled as I had just left the house of a girl I was going to get into substantial trouble for being with and my zip was giving me issues as I had no boxers on - but I couldnt stop looking at this worm as it occurred to me that his problems were somewhat more substantial than mine. I picked him up and stuck him on some soil. The End.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-06-13 14:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't clean off the green stain; it's the result of your body absorbing copper from the alloys in the necklace.
Try not to buy H&M jewellery in the future, mm'kay?
Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the stain on your neck - Try baking soda and warm water - it takes the green shit off old battery terminals what's the worst that could happen?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The title of this somehow reminds me of that movie which I never saw called "They shoot horses, don't they?"
I strongly suspect that was a gay movie.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were in your position, the threat of an arrest would just make me THAT MUCH MORE interested in helping the pigeon.
Can you imagine!
_____
I know, but I have a really important interview on monday and I don't really want to have to change my application to update my criminal record. Plus, there was always a tiny chance there is some stupid reason why I'm not allowed to do it and maybe I just couldn't think of it at that point.
***
lol you're much more logical and rational than I am. I would have gotten arrested on purpose and then, when I was sitting in jail for the weekend, I'd think about all the stupid reasons I SHOULDNT have fucked with the pigeon.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone gives a fuck.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Basically yes, you could stomp it dead and you'd be okay as long as nobody who cared (i.e. PETA) found out.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Berty, but I'm being a bit brain dead today. Does that mean that I was allowed to, or I wasn't? I understand I couldn't shoot it without permission, but it says nothing about being able to kill it to stop it's suffering with my hands.
------------
It is very specific: you cannot kill a bird legally without a license. For any reason.
That is why if you hit a pigeon with your car you keep on driving.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She'd have been there running after the pigeon, desperatley trying to stamp on it as it dragged itself around with one wing flapping, desperatly trying to squawk the message that it'd take its' chances with fate, shouting "it's okay, I am a licesnsed pigeon murderer!" to anyone in earshot.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Berty, but I'm being a bit brain dead today. Does that mean that I was allowed to, or I wasn't? I understand I couldn't shoot it without permission, but it says nothing about being able to kill it to stop it's suffering with my hands.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister actually does have a license to kill birds, as it happens, but she only kills geese.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is exactly what my sister would have done, you and her are like peas in a pod.
To clarify the matter:
The principal legislation dealing with the protection of birds is the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981. This makes it illegal to intentionally capture, injure or destroy wild birds or interfere with an active nest or its contents.
However, the law does recognise that, in some circumstances, control may be necessary against particular species of birds. Under section 16 of the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981, the Scottish Executive annually issues general licences. These authorise the killing or taking of certain species of wild birds, including Feral Pigeon, Herring Gull, Lesser black-backed gull and Great black-backed gull for the purpose of:
protecting any collection of wild birds (licence SEGEN/09),
preserving public health, public safety, or air safety (licence SEGEN/10), and
preventing the spread of disease and serious damage to livestock or agriculture (licence SEGEN/22)
The fourth licence, (SEGEN/23) licences authorised persons to use semi-automatic weapons to kill or take the above mentioned species of birds. However, authorised persons must ensure compliance with relevant firearms and public safety legislation.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-13 12:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pigeon is a good alternative to chicken. Fat, easy to catch and free-range.
======================
Plus, they're great in bed.
I'm just sayin'.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pigeon is a good alternative to chicken. Fat, easy to catch and free-range.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were in your position, the threat of an arrest would just make me THAT MUCH MORE interested in helping the pigeon.
Can you imagine!
_____
I know, but I have a really important interview on monday and I don't really want to have to change my application to update my criminal record. Plus, there was always a tiny chance there is some stupid reason why I'm not allowed to do it and maybe I just couldn't think of it at that point.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, but this proves my belief that cops blow no matter where you live. I swear to God, police are no better than the people they're after half the time.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The world needs more LittleMonsters.
Even though I loathe pigeons ;o)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pigeons are flying rats
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were in your position, the threat of an arrest would just make me THAT MUCH MORE interested in helping the pigeon.
Can you imagine!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people suck.
there is no hope for humanity.
I'm sorry.
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-13 11:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because you have boobs and pants and rope.