I'm jumping on the switch-hitting masturbation story bandwagon (2347 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.26 on 146 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hidden101 <hidden101.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-11-19 22:38:17 EST
my switch hitting masturbation story is a bit different than Donkey's. when i was younger, i used to get in fights with my brother almost daily. i've thrown him through a window, he's hit me with a baseball bat. i've given him a concussion with a surprise punch to the back of the head, he's run me over with a golf cart (and then backed over me again). we even played a game of ro-sham-bo once that ended in tragedy. (let's just say my brother is sympathetic to Lance Armstrong's plight)
my brother used to taunt the shit out of me and when i would start beating his ass, he would start fake-crying so that i would let off and once i stopped, he would laugh and and taunt me some more. one day he did something to make me throw down a beating of epic proportions on him. after punching him repeatedly in the head and kidneys, i threw him down the stairs. i ran down the stairs and started kicking him when he started screaming "OW, MY ARM! MY ARM!". i said "yeah right, i'm not falling for it this time you little bitch!" and started yanking on his arm, twisting it, and even stomping on it real fuckin' hard. he screamed so loud and cried so hard that his face turned beat red and he gasping for air.
it was then that i realized that this was no joke. i had really broken his arm. so i did what any brother who just broke his brother's arm would do... no, not take him to the hospital-- i grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him close to my face and looked him in the eyes and said "if you tell mom and dad i broke your arm, i swear to christ i will break your other arm and possibly your legs. i'm going out. you better tell them you tripped and fell down the stairs."
so i went out and when i came back a few hours later, there he was, sitting there with a cast on his right arm and he didn't even tell my parents (i was good at intimidating him). i chuckled to myself after seeing my handiwork but then all of a sudden a frightening possibility entered my mind. what if that had been ME with the cast on my arm? how would i jerk off? it was then that i decided i must learn to switch hit.
that night i started trying to do it with my left hand. as determined as i was, it was very discouraging at first. the movement was less than fluid; i clumsily pumped up and down with little luck accomplishing anything. i wasn't about to give up. i kept at it for weeks, and then one day it finally happened. it was like the first time you were able to ride a bike without training wheels or drive a manual transmission without having to think about it. all that hard work had finally paid off. what a happy day!
i now use my left hand more than my right. it was like divorcing your wife for a younger broad that was hotter and would do everything you wanted in bed. i'm not any better at doing anything else left-handed. still can't throw a baseball or football left-handed. still can't use a mouse very easily left-handed. still have a weak left hook (and by "weak" i mean i can't punch a hole through Oathmeals head like i can with my right, but he would still need reconstructive surgery). but at least now i'm a little more at ease knowing that i can loose a limb without having to resort to sticking my dick between the couch cushions and fucking my couch just to relieve a little stress.
now, since it's been too long, here's a camwhore of me kicking ass and taking names. i know you've all been holding your breath until my next camwhore so you can let it out now.
User Reviews
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2009-04-22 23:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shadecaster (user info) at 2009-02-20 00:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So what happened to your brother?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-11-30 22:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
filename.
ahahahahaha
Submitted by lburna_7 (user info) at 2008-11-30 22:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've always used both hands. One arm gets tired then I switch to the other, then back to the original, and so on. Awesome discovery.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-23 09:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what a great idea! i'll get right on establishing a stable of women that i can bring with me on my frequent business trips. the ones that stay home will welcome me home to a spotless home and serve me a steak while giving me a blowjob and a footrub.
gosh, why didn't *I* think of this??
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-11-23 06:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you were a true champion you'd simply always have "beeyotches" to service you, so you never had need of mass-tore-bastion.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-21 01:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I was... sorry!
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 07:37:41 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn, it's pretty dead this morning. don't tell me you people are actually working today.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 22:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh how we've missed you, shitfuck.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-11-20 22:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahhahahahahahhahahahHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAhahahahaahahahhaah
I hope you remembered to wash your hands after.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 22:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
exactly
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-11-20 21:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The right hand uses the mouse
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:46:54 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well look I'm impressively good looking, I have a ton of cash and I've got a beard. Lemme toss another batch at the wife and then I'll drop her and we can get started.
I can't wait to be cool....does it feel good?
===================================================
oh yes, it feels good. it opens doors for you and the world will be your playground. you will bang girls that used to throw drinks in your face and people will do things for you without even knowing why they do them.
i won't lie to you though, some nights you will cry yourself to sleep with a bottle of whiskey, but look at it this way- losers do that too. so you tell me, is it totally worth it or what?
=====
Ha, you're such a bastard.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The more men there are together, the more the masculine behavior escalates until it reaches critical mass. This is when someone gets an ass kicking, someone goes to the ER, someone burns his ass hairs from lighting a fart, and the language deteriorates into animal grunts.
==============================================
TROOF!
although i am better at picking up women by myself. but with all my buddies around, there is a greater chance for a bar room brawl.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 21:52:59 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
just kidding. i'm currently banging a smokin' hot blonde with huge fake tits. i still got it.
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I don't like fake boobies. I really want a boob job with my tummy tuck but I don't know, that whole lay down they stay up thing is kinda off putting. And you can lose nipple sensation.
I always think fake boobs must be good for a night or two, but you wouldn't marry them.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 17:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The more men there are together, the more the masculine behavior escalates until it reaches critical mass. This is when someone gets an ass kicking, someone goes to the ER, someone burns his ass hairs from lighting a fart, and the language deteriorates into animal grunts.
-------------------------------------------------------
Haha, This is so true.
Women group together however, and it gets dull. Well, middle aged women with kids giggling over being 'naughty' because you just ate a vanilla cream slice.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no,no...no fallout. that's about right, fg.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Testosterone has an additive effect, Orphelia.
This is why men in a group will do things they wouldn't normally do if they were by themselves or with one buddy.
The more men there are together, the more the masculine behavior escalates until it reaches critical mass. This is when someone gets an ass kicking, someone goes to the ER, someone burns his ass hairs from lighting a fart, and the language deteriorates into animal grunts.
We women kind of do the same thing, but different. You see?
:)
*I have a feeling I'm going to get some fallout here.* :(
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just kidding. i'm currently banging a smokin' hot blonde with huge fake tits. i still got it.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is this post a gay hang out or what?
hidden, normally the chicks of uber heat your posts, i can't see for testosterone in here though.
=================================================================
I KNOW.
i'm kinda feelin' like i lost my mojo.... =(
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No need for either apology or hurry. Take your time. Glad to hear the Parker's back in operable condition.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is this post a gay hang out or what?
hidden, normally the chicks of uber heat your posts, i can't see for testosterone in here though.
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So long as you wear a Pacifico t-shirt
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and you're right, i do need a beer now. is it ok with you guys if i drink Pacifico at a Mexican joint?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i wasn't angry at all until you called me a "wanker". that's the ultimate insult and i'm extremely offended.
in all seriousness, the beer snobbery around here is a bit homosexual.
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I take my own beer.
It's polite.
=============================================
well HOORAY FOR YOU, Mr. Manners!
the BBQ was for me as a going away party when i left Chicago. should i still bring my own beer to parties people are throwing for me? i wouldn't want to be fucking rude.
i always bring beer to BBQs when they aren't specifically for me, but almost every party i go to is thrown in my honor, so you know, i don't buy beer much.
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Jeez, I think you need a beer now.
You are one angry wanker.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's been a while since you posted something with substance. Good for you.
================================================================
i wouldn't say this had substance, per say. i spent about 5 minutes writing it. i just needed a reason to post another camwhore, of course.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Trippy. I am wearing the Guiness polo shirt I wore to work today (got it from a real Brit, from Pommyland and everything) but I'm drinking Yuengling.
Parker back in jamming condition yet?
====================================================
Yuengling is quite tasty as well.
sorry you haven't heard from me, skrap. i've been out of town for 4 weeks straight. i did get the Parker back with the intonation problem fixed, but the motherfucking guitar tech left it with a terrible amount of fret buzz. i was livid. i wonder if the guy even PLAYED a single chord on it after making adjustments. or maybe he thinks fret buzz it totally acceptable on a $2,000 instrument. anyway, i adjusted the truss rod myself and everything is back to normal.
if you were waiting for an email from me, i unfortunately forgot all about our project while i've been on the road and i don't use that hotmail address unless someone tells me they sent me an email there.
i'll be back home next week and i'd like to try to make time to add something and send it back to you.
again, i do apologize.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's been a while since you posted something with substance. Good for you.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I take my own beer.
It's polite.
=============================================
well HOORAY FOR YOU, Mr. Manners!
the BBQ was for me as a going away party when i left Chicago. should i still bring my own beer to parties people are throwing for me? i wouldn't want to be fucking rude.
i always bring beer to BBQs when they aren't specifically for me, but almost every party i go to is thrown in my honor, so you know, i don't buy beer much.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Trippy. I am wearing the Guiness polo shirt I wore to work today (got it from a real Brit, from Pommyland and everything) but I'm drinking Yuengling.
Parker back in jamming condition yet?
Submitted by Biteme (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For wearing a Guinness tee but drinking Lite
===================================================
oh, i guess when you go to a BBQ at a friend's house and they only have Miller Light, you insist they go out and get you some Guinness, post haste! oh that's right, you don't HAVE any friends.
or maybe you do and they're all high-priced lawyers and stock brokers who only keep Glenfiddich 30 year single malt scotch on hand unlike my commoner friends who drink light beer. am i right? is that how you roll?
i guess we can't all be principled beer connoisseurs like you. i'm trying real hard though!
get real dude. in the adult world where we live in reality, you can enjoy Guinness and it's still permissible to drink other beers at your friend's BBQ.
=================
I take my own beer.
It's polite.
Just saying, no real need to get involved.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For wearing a Guinness tee but drinking Lite
===================================================
oh, i guess when you go to a BBQ at a friend's house and they only have Miller Light, you insist they go out and get you some Guinness, post haste! oh that's right, you don't HAVE any friends.
or maybe you do and they're all high-priced lawyers and stock brokers who only keep Glenfiddich 30 year single malt scotch on hand unlike my commoner friends who drink light beer. am i right? is that how you roll?
i guess we can't all be principled beer connoisseurs like you. i'm trying real hard though!
get real dude. in the adult world where we live in reality, you can enjoy Guinness and it's still permissible to drink other beers at your friend's BBQ.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cyrus has a point, that's a pretty poseur thing to do
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For wearing a Guinness tee but drinking Lite
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 16:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmmmm.... Waffle House. i got drunk off my ass a couple days ago and just had to eat at Waffle House. i was so hammered that i could barely use the knife and fork to eat my waffle. the bill was $2.50 and i gave the waitress a $5.00 tip.
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Waffle House...
mmmmmmmmm....
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmmmm.... Waffle House. i got drunk off my ass a couple days ago and just had to eat at Waffle House. i was so hammered that i could barely use the knife and fork to eat my waffle. the bill was $2.50 and i gave the waitress a $5.00 tip.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:13:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never eaten at a restaurant that I would drive 100 miles to. These places must have been top notch indeed.
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i keed. it may be a step up from the fine dining at Subway, but i wouldn't drive 100 miles for it. not unless i was really stoned at least.
i've only eaten at maybe two restaurants in my life that i would go 100 miles for and we're talking about places where the bill was over $2,000. a deli doesn't not fall within that category.
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i would drive to st.louis right now to eat at waffle house.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 15:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well really the very first thing I was gonna do is have my tear glands removed.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well look I'm impressively good looking, I have a ton of cash and I've got a beard. Lemme toss another batch at the wife and then I'll drop her and we can get started.
I can't wait to be cool....does it feel good?
===================================================
oh yes, it feels good. it opens doors for you and the world will be your playground. you will bang girls that used to throw drinks in your face and people will do things for you without even knowing why they do them.
i won't lie to you though, some nights you will cry yourself to sleep with a bottle of whiskey, but look at it this way- losers do that too. so you tell me, is it totally worth it or what?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 19:34:12 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
well look I'm impressively good looking, I have a ton of cash and I've got a beard. Lemme toss another batch at the wife and then I'll drop her and we can get started.
--------------------------------------
Three minutes later, Muddy returns, at least *he* is fulfilled.
*giggle*
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any day that includes a game of ro-sham-bo automatically becomes legendary.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 14:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well look I'm impressively good looking, I have a ton of cash and I've got a beard. Lemme toss another batch at the wife and then I'll drop her and we can get started.
I can't wait to be cool....does it feel good?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
do you have a class or something I can attend...I want to be cool also
======================================================
having lots of money and being god-like handsome like me is a prerequisite. and the charm and wit comes from drinking plenty of booze. i can teach you class, but you have to work with me here.
classes start at your life savings and last up to 6 months, although will run longer if you're a real loser. you must relocate close to me for the duration of the class.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait until after the tummy tuck I have booked in 6 months time, too.
And vaginaplasty.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
let's wait 'till that baby pops out first, though. plz & thx.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
do you have a class or something I can attend...I want to be cool also
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *am* classy. And brassy.
I wear white stillettos and only ever drink babycham.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you can sit on my face anytime, baby.
you stay classy, orphelia.
*wink*
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98335
more David Arquette than Hidden.
Don't get curb stomped, Hidden, I will just sit on your face. Same effect only pleasurable for me!!
lol
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Hell, I'm not busy right now- as long as you're offering.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98335
more David Arquette than Hidden.
Don't get curb stomped, Hidden, I will just sit on your face. Same effect only pleasurable for me!!
lol
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If your tired of it then don't look so much like him, get curb stomped or something.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wrong below. Thorny looks like Davod Arquette. truth
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-11-20 13:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY YOU LOOK LIKE THAT DICKHEAD MARRIED TO COURTNEY COX, WHO WAS HOT 20 YEARS AGO.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 12:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man, i'm really tired of hearing i look like Arquette. that guy's a turd. and don't anyone dare mention he's married to Courtney Cox. she was hot like 20 years ago.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-11-20 12:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you the butt baby of david arquette and steve zahn?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.gabbly.com/ubersite.com/
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fine! Then we'll talk about something else.
....
.
I
....
I got nothing.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG HAIKU WAS RIGHT. TALKING ABOUT LUNCHMEAT WAS ENOUGH TO TURN THIS POST INTO A GAY ORGY.
WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
how about feeding me some of your cockmeat sandwich, haiku?
wait-- WHAT?
*runs away*
QUEERS!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:13:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never eaten at a restaurant that I would drive 100 miles to. These places must have been top notch indeed.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i keed. it may be a step up from the fine dining at Subway, but i wouldn't drive 100 miles for it. not unless i was really stoned at least.
i've only eaten at maybe two restaurants in my life that i would go 100 miles for and we're talking about places where the bill was over $2,000. a deli doesn't not fall within that category.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 07:59:26 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm discussing lunch. A BLT doesn't say breakfast to me.
=====
The point, you raging flamer, is that I could tell you all about the turkey I just ate, and/or that I highly enjoy Foster Farms' lunch meat, but that would be stupid.
Regardless, if you put add an over easy egg to the BLT, not only does it become vastly more delicious, but you can say you made, and ate, a BELT.
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO QUEERBAIT
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Good to know
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll never make it in lunch time traffic! I'll have to go this weekend. I actually brought lunch, but I decided that I don't want it.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The closest one is over 100 miles away. :(
=================================================
well you better get on the road now if you wanna get there by lunch!
it's worth it, trust me.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you guys seriously discussing what you're going to have for breakfast?
Think about how incredibly gay that is, I'll wait.
...
For shame.
=======================================================
he's right. breakfast will turn you-- it's dangerous. one minute you're thinking about Captain Crunch's Peanut Butter Crunch, the next you're fantasizing about Captain Crunch eating peanut butter out of your asshole!
it's a slippery slope!
we had better think of the consequences of breakfast talk before this goes any further...
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 11:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The closest one is over 100 miles away. :(
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm discussing lunch. A BLT doesn't say breakfast to me.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.schlotzskys.com
go there immediately and see if you have one near you. it's like a party in my mouth and Michael Jackson is invited!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you guys seriously discussing what you're going to have for breakfast?
Think about how incredibly gay that is, I'll wait.
...
For shame.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Schlotzky's- never heard of it. Sounds like an Irish chain pub.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Jaw bone! Shamone!
====================================================
HEE-HEE! OWWW!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i may get some coffee, but then again, i may not...
i'm not really a coffee drinker, but i do enjoy it from time to time. it's good at sobering you up.
i'm going to Schlotzky's for lunch. anyone ever eat there? that place is fan-fucking-tastic.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Jaw bone! Shamone!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm thinking about getting a BLT
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
dont be silly, im deliberating over the values of flapjacks over cup cakes
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 10:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn, it's pretty dead this morning. don't tell me you people are actually working today.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-11-20 09:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 08:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this video is strangely arousing to me- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6Mi0Bw75GI
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-11-20 08:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Blackface minstrel WTF?
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-11-20 08:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
as hungover as I am I logged in to -2 this.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-20 08:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for posting a camwhore where it looks like you're about to receive a blowjob. I'll have to try that sometime.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-11-20 05:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Masturbation YAY! I would read the post properly but after years of Palm abuse my eyesight is suffering.
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2008-11-20 04:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I learned to jack off lefty because it was too much of a hassle to not be able to navigate on porn sites whilst jacking off. Being that I am a righty, jacking with my left hand and moving the mouse with my right for so many years has rendered me a lefty. My generation truly is the Internet Generation.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 01:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-11-20 01:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
true story. this kid who lives on my floor in the frat house bounces up and down the halls bragging about his pbr every saturday night. the kid wears those kanye sunglasses with the fucking blinds on them, the same purple hoodie every day, and runs (once every other month, to prove to us that he is athletic) in converse all stars with no socks, then walks around with his stinky fucking feet so when we ask what that stench is he can say, "oh sorry i went running today." this is the profile of pbr hipsters.
==========================================================
i would not allow this person to live.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-11-20 01:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's only hip in Chicago as far as i know. every time i went to a punk show, the hipsters were drinking it like it was going out of style. but if it ever did go out of style, you can be sure they were going to jump on the next wave that came along and ride it.
-------
true story. this kid who lives on my floor in the frat house bounces up and down the halls bragging about his pbr every saturday night. the kid wears those kanye sunglasses with the fucking blinds on them, the same purple hoodie every day, and runs (once every other month, to prove to us that he is athletic) in converse all stars with no socks, then walks around with his stinky fucking feet so when we ask what that stench is he can say, "oh sorry i went running today." this is the profile of pbr hipsters.
Anyway, coincidentally, my girlfriend and I were talking about pbr at length today. We were watching Se7en and brad pitt is always drinking a fucking pbr and we decided it was to add depth to his character.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 01:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yet you would still feel empty inside...
/:
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
of course YOU could just burn the extras in front of people just to make them jealous and it'd be worth the extra cost i guess.
=================================================================
what's fucked up about that is that i would actually do that to someone just for my own amusement. then i would flip them off and drive off in my $80,000 luxury sports sedan and probably go bang some chick that's hotter than the sun.
god it's good to be me.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, i'm going to try to spend the rest of the year at home when i get back from this Atlanta trip. i'm getting tired of all the travel. my bosses know i'm getting tired of it. they just gave me a 7% raise and i get another 5% in a couple months. they are scared i'll leave them. haha.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, but they don't discount seat price at all (or at least it's a very minor discount) on season tix, so if you can only do half the games or a fourth you may as well just pre-buy for the games you CAN get to.
lately i only get to 10 or 12 a year so season tickets don't work out.
of course YOU could just burn the extras in front of people just to make them jealous and it'd be worth the extra cost i guess.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
85%?
fuck that.
at my max i was at about 50 - 60% and fucking hated it. when you get to be more comfortable in hotel beds than the one you have at home, it's time to start looking for ways to scale back.
alright uber, goodnight. i'm gonna go smoke a cigar and have a scotch before bed.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i just looked it up. infield box seats are $2,000.
it would be worth it to pay the 4 grand for a couple seats if i was able to go to most of the games.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate PBR (pabst blue ribbon). I actually know a girl who is a decedant of the family. She would always brag about it. The kick and after taste to me is disgusting. I would rather drink Steel Reserve.
I just hate PBR. Plus the girl was fucking kicked. I mean her face would make me nausous. But alas she was rich and while my buddy was fucking her she paid for a lot of shit. Also always brought a 12 pack of PBR anytime we partied. haha
I guess I don't mind PBR when it's free. Other than that Forgetaboutit!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm.... season tix to Cards games sounds nice. i'm traveling about 85% these days, so i'd miss a lot of fuckin' games. my friends would be using my tix way more than me.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet. you can get season tix. and i'd be happy to use 'em when you're away so they don't go to waste.
HI LISH, LONG TIME NO TALK.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's only hip in Chicago as far as i know. every time i went to a punk show, the hipsters were drinking it like it was going out of style. but if it ever did go out of style, you can be sure they were going to jump on the next wave that came along and ride it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is that a gang sign or an expression of CP?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PBR is hip?
Really?
It's all piss beer, why was PBR singled out?
Things like this make me glad I stay in my apartment as much as possible.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:12:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
scourgie- it's not the hipsters that make me avoid it, it's the absolute terrible hangovers and gross taste that does it.
yep. i moved to the St Louis metro area and i found a great house. it's fucking huge and awesome (like my DICK). you should see my man room downstairs. it's fucking ace.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you go get 'em Perksy! i'll be over to +2 that shit as soon as you're done!
also just because fucking hipsters decided to hijack pbr doesn't mean pbr is worthy of derision... the whole thing is really bumming me out. thanks a lot, assholes.
you move to st. louis, hidden?
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh sorry bro.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look exactly like my friend... I mean the resemblance is uncanny..
Ryan is that you????
I like steel reserve.
haha about you're brother. I have 3 older ones. I got my ass kicked a lot. haha
I wonder how traumatic the life of little brothers are? I should write a post about it. I think's I will.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
girl to boy- i love your rolled-up jeans. let's listen to indie music and make out!
===
A friend of mine was a hipster for halloween. He wore an "I "heart" Sarah Palin" shirt (you know, to be ironic) and carried around a 6-pack of PBR.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i could go for a nightcap right about now. this fucking hotel doesn't have a mini bar in the room like i'm used to, goddamnit.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey now! Stop talking about me that way. :-(
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-20 00:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, the city is great, but the people.... much to be desired. too many ugly girls that believe they are hotter and more deserving of a handsome doctor or lawyer husband than they actually are. and too many people that think they are smarter and more cultured than they actually are.
i do miss my pals there, though... =(
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm currently drinking White Russians... again. For the 2nd time today.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well if chicagoans are into it i guess it's out of my life.
every now and then we think about buying a place in chicago since i have to work there so often. then i go spend a week there and i'm reminded how much i actually hate the people there.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and the only time I lowered myself to such standards as steel reserve, I was stealing it at a party I didn't want to be at, on vacation, where I also heckled a guy that smoked me out, and apparently had to avoid some cunt trying to sex me up, I don't remember that part.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
STEEL RESERVE! WHOOO!!!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:56:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you hidden, I love Ideology.
Especially on shrooms.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, i'd rather drink Schlitz than PBR. Keystone or The Beast are better alternatives if you're drinking on a budget.
and if you're REALLY strapped for cash, Steel Reserve will get you absolutely shit-housed for under 5 bucks. yes, even the most seasoned drinker only needs 5 bucks to get out of this world hammered off the 211.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-19 20:51:59 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're on crack...pbr is easily the best slumming it beer you can buy.
and 13 for a 24? no way. it's like 9 for a 12.
really i don't drink beer that much anymore. i've been more of a red wine or hard liquor fan the last 3 or 4 years.
====
I have seen, and purchased pbr while it was on that exact sale. In fact, where I am, I have never seen anything but a 24 pack. I might have been able to relate to you on the red wine and hard liquor thing a few years ago, during garage dwelling, but I doubt you were drinking Presidente and Foxhorn.
I woke up in a hospital the night I had Canadian Mist and Foxhorn!
And no I don't find it impressive, it's a very bad memory, really.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i never understood why so many Chicagoans drank PBR. that shit gave me the worst fucking hangovers ever. worse than fucking Everclear. Chicago can be gay like that. someone cool said it was just as cool to drink PBR as it was to wear "vintage" clothes from Goodwill and the Salvation Army and everyone started doing it.
*girl sips PBR at a Mouse on Mars show at the Empty Bottle
boy to girl- wow, you're totally drinking PBR! you must be really hip!
girl to boy- yeah, i'm totally scene!
boy to girl- you're so scene it hurts!
girl to boy- i love your rolled-up jeans. let's listen to indie music and make out!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're on crack...pbr is easily the best slumming it beer you can buy.
and 13 for a 24? no way. it's like 9 for a 12.
really i don't drink beer that much anymore. i've been more of a red wine or hard liquor fan the last 3 or 4 years.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ew, Scourge... really?
I'd rather have Miller Lite than PBR.
Actually, I'll take some yummy (foul) Keystone Light, please. $11.59 a 30 pack!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-19 20:46:11 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
hidden takes the same approach to drink as i do. if i'm buying it's good stuff, if you're buying, who gives a fuck what it is.
except sometimes i DO choose pbr.
====
Fuck you, you bought that because it was on sale for $13 for a 24 pack.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
hidden takes the same approach to drink as i do. if i'm buying it's good stuff, if you're buying, who gives a fuck what it is.
except sometimes i DO choose pbr.
helps me connect with the common man and all that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-11-19 20:42:21 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops
----
also apollo is my favorite, although I have access to free euro football and still won't watch it.
It's boring and so is your face.
Probably, I actually haven't seen it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:-(
younger? That's no good.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-19 20:33:24 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know i'd love to but i'll be in vegas <3
=====
I'll be in Riverside, I'm pretty sure my gay uncle is going to ruin everything by bitching about prop 8. Granted, I'll probably be defending him, but the rest of the clan won't be happy.
I miss the days when there wasn't any drama with my father's side of the family.
The annoying part is that the woman has only been exposed to the shitty side of my family. I was on crutches for the fourth of July, and my uncle (crazy mother's side) was threatening to beat the shit out of me. It wasn't the first time, but I was on crutches and I probably didn't deserve it.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DAMN YOU APOLLO YOU RUINED MY PRECIOUS PERFECT RATING. NOW I HAVE TO CALL BRET AND HAVE HIM SEND YOU MORE THREATENING EMAILS.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
KK- it means you tried to give yourself "the stranger" too many times and just got used to it.
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inspiring story!
I would be lost in that case since i use both hands...
i don't know why? it ain't longer or thicker then a "normal" peener, i just do...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
younger and has the same good looks genes all the men in my family have. and yes, he has a functioning washer, and he's ex-military like me, only he's living on this GI Bill and can't afford to be buying new washers. the boy has an Audi payment to make.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-11-19 20:33:03 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting. I'm right handed, but usually go leftie.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, HIDDEN???
=====
I'm no Hidden but I'm assuming that it means you don't want to get lotion on your mouse.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tell me more about this brother? Older? Younger? Single? Have a functioning washer?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know i'd love to but i'll be in vegas <3
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting. I'm right handed, but usually go leftie.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, HIDDEN???
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:12:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
they just said on TV that it was 80 degrees and sunny where you live today.
i'm jealous. it's been kinda cold in Atlanta and i know when i get home in a few days that it's going to be even colder. i am so not ready for winter, but at least i don't have to spend another miserable winter in Chicago.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 23:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bonjour mon amour
==============================================
i don't speak no chinese, babe.
wanna come to my house for Thanksgiving? i have the freezer stocked with pizza rolls and ice cream.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i went to Milwaukee for a weekend with chitowngirl (formerly chicagogirl until she forgot her password and bart wouldn't give it to her), who is to my left in the picture. well, my right, your left. whatever.
all you could get there was fucking Miller products. it was redonkulous. i swear i almost swore off of Miller products like i had to do with tequila. then i went to a strip club and spent about two grand and almost banged a real ghetto black chick named "Trice" in a drunken stupor. (don't worry, i still got to bang a hot black chick a month later that looked like Michelle Obama with shorter hair. and it was in the South Loop in Chicago. come to think of it, i did drop her off in Hyde Park the next morning....)
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can dig it.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How can you wear that shirt and hold that abomination in your hand?
HOW?
hi
=============================================
i didn't buy the beers at that party, sucka!
although i do prefer the finer beers and liquors, i will drink whatever is available to get drunk. i'm no snob.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck you.
I meant mine.
That I've been trying to camp on.
+2 filename
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles- http://www.ubersite.com/m/119874#2818633
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How can you wear that shirt and hold that abomination in your hand?
HOW?
hi
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not very polite to do this without reviewing the other jumped on the bandwagon post.
Fuckin tony stark not having any uber etiquette
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i mean bon soir
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bonjour mon amour
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-11-19 22:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't decide if you need less head or more face.