THUPA: Cup My Nuts, Milady. (Or, the fucking stupidest thing I've ever done and yes I am ashamed. Also, iambic pentameter is hard but I did it, so fuck off.) (1162 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lungfish (View user info) at 2008-12-17 13:00:53 EST
It seems Queen Mab hath moshed on thy foul face,
Her heals, stilettoed, pocked and pugiled have.
And hath she beaten on thy cankered lips
With dingleberry, dry and hard and spiked?
God's Nigs! Thou'rt nasty. 'Tis no matter, though,
Just cup my nuts, milady. Cup my nuts.
My boys, they jingle jangle jingle. Yup.
Let not them jingle. Jangle let them not.
The hairy mole set on thy scabbéd chin
Doth tickle as thou nibblest. Nibble on!
And cup my nuts, milady. Cup my nuts.
Thy pig-eyes, glazed and pusséd are. That's gross.
Thy breath is stenched and wretched. And thy hair,
Like rancid 'coon oil it doth smell. Alas,
Offence, to me, there's none, as long as thou
Just cup my nuts, milady. Cup my nuts.
Thy thick and hairy thighs are marbled like
A fine and fatty rib roast. Big arses like
Me well, though, fear it not. So long as thou
Dost hold me fast and firm and fondle well.
So cup my nuts, milady. Cup my nuts.
The moaning and the groaning of the bells
Is nothing like the moaning and the groans
That happen when thou playest with my balls.
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
So cup my nuts, milady. Cup my nuts.
User Reviews
Submitted by johnny.b.dumb (user info) at 2009-04-10 18:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this is a post I can wholly approve of.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-04-10 17:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Put up pictures of your boxer.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-03-12 04:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
look, i hate to be the one to tell you this, but the diamondbacks suck. they are going to finish third in the west, only ahead of the incredibly horrible padres. stop making comments on my posts about baseball season heating up, because i like you, and i don't want to see you cry after the d-backs compete for another year in inevitable futility.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-02-06 16:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, I'm serious, this is one of the finest poems ever composed, in my educated opinion.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-02-06 15:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
numbnuts below
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-02-06 15:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah...I didn't realize you had already enjoyed my beautiful poem. Never mind.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-12-23 06:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-22 01:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's...it's glorious.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-19 08:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn. No problem, JoeyG. I'd rather have gone out with a bunch of Santa-girls, too. And I only got this thing written because I was stuck in a motel room during a rain-day with lots of whiskey and beer and my kidneys are hurting now and think I need to cool it for a while. With the whiskey, anyway. The beer stays.
And rad, I'll be in Vegas in a month. We should have sex. FUUUUUUUCK! I mean drinks. We should have drinks. That other thing would be gross.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-12-19 06:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry about that. I had full intention of sitting and doing my post last night. Except I got invited to go out drinking with several girls who were all dressed up in Mrs Claus outfits. I weighed up my options and came to the conclusion that if I had said "well, I'd love to come, and you look so nice and all, but I'm gonna sit at home and write a poem that will probably be about eating babies and rape, and then post it on a website where people laugh about eating babies and rape", then it really is all over as far as 'life' is concerned.
Fairplay to Lungfish, this would have kicked any idea I had for a poem up the ass.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i especially like the line about balls. guess what? joeyg didn't post so you get to write another one!
Oh joy!
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-12-18 18:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's pretty sick.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the imagry in this line is brathtaking
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
<3 be my daddy
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was the most beautiful thing I have ever read
I want something in sonnet form next time
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This dragged on way too long.
Like your nuts, probably.
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-18 06:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fucking Christ I am hungry.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-18 03:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeff VanderMeer
god knows
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 22:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber zutique.
If you understand this reference, I'll +2 you, after I drag by scrotum across you face.
And give JoeyG +2s, or -2 me, please. I don't want to write another poem.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-12-17 21:39:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh lawdy, I hope I don't get paired with you next round. Although, it would be a good exit, as it were.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-17 20:47:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wasn't that entertained by this, but I'll +2 on account of there's a picture of you in full length pajamas holding a bottle of whiskey and a gun somewhere...I think.
Also it's in the single digits here and has been snowing since at least 11 AM (I was up around 9 but 11 is when I opened the blinds, it's almost 4 now), and I have also had nothing to do but drink (after I was done working, well, I started drinking *seriously* once I finished working).
Your rain isn't quite as bad but still, I sympathize.
I should move.
GAAAAAH
Right before I was about to submit this review, a tiny bird was seeking shelter on our balcony, I tried to go take a picture but by the time I pulled the camera out of the computer (I was sending pictures to my father) it was gone.
I blame you.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was a fine effort.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-12-17 17:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-17 17:31:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-12-17 16:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
starting in 82,and every 2 or 3 years since, i've banged the front person of a well known rhythm and blues band from europe
ABBA?
Ace thupa entry.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 16:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*A fine and fatty roast.
damn
Still, I'm going to sleep with Ling-Ling.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-12-17 16:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:-) I marvel much, Thou art a metalist
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-12-17 16:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
starting in 82,and every 2 or 3 years since, i've banged the front person of a well known rhythm and blues band from europe
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-17 15:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate poetry.
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-17 15:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 15:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My sister-in-law used to be a groupie. I think she slept with Peter Gabriel. Or at least blew him. She probably wouldn't remember, though.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Here, I'll give this the rating it deserves instead of the one all the groupies are giving you.
Good, not great, but good nonetheless.
Greatness is what happens when I post my THUPA entry.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can i have some of your pipe please?
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:24:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Verily.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-12-17 14:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I may have to come up with a lame forfeit in the face of such awesomeness.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOL'ed.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no...dost is right. maybe. I can't think straigt. I got rained out and have been drinking in my motel room since 8:30.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*Doth hold me...
fuckin' hell...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee."
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:12:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God's Nigs!
HA!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a love poem.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CUP THINE OWN NUTS, YE KNAVE.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA!!! What?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've been at the Shakesperian lexicon again, Don Quixote.