I'm on annual leave now too (823 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (View user info) at 2009-04-01 09:18:07 EDT
I grew up in the late seventies (adolescent) and being a grommet back then you belonged to one of two schools. You could be the branded young gun whose parents bought you manufactured boards and branded tees and shorts from fledgling surf companies that would later rule the world, or you could be the indie 12 year old on the waterlogged hohensee boxfin who found stuffed under the christmas tree branded tees and shorts from fledgling companies that would later rule the world.
Back then even in the late nineteen seventies, there was a surfing sub-culture. We listened to Pink Floyd and Spam 69 (even though we now hate ska), and used firbreglass resin and feltpens to deface santa's little leftovers.
We were purists, the branded kids were not. It wasn't a big deal because some of those branded kiddies could really rip, but they couldn't actually, rip.
Alex on boxing day had this dreamtime swell that mythically appeared only because it was boxing day. The stingers were part and parcel, so were the cross flags (denoting closed beach), as was the sorry we're closed for christmas cunts corner store if you'd inadvertently forgotten your board wax - or had run out. that happened to me once. hence my mentioning them - what a bunch of holiday loving turd eating fucklords.
Anyhow on boxing day it didn't matter when you went down, early morn, midday or late afternoon, Alex was pumping. Full of blue bottles (http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2006/01/30/bluebottles_wideweb__470x313,0.jpg), crossed flags and completely devoid of beachgoers, given it was boxing day and they were all city dwelling drunks on holiday with hangovers.
Big, fat, solid waves usually with a grey sky because as any Australian will tell you it's usually grey and dreary around christmas, but humid as fuck, a stinger in every square metre of water and not a dickhead clubbie to be seen.
paradise.
On other days you would have a crowd. Alex is a point break, a usually average sized right hander that revealed it's real potential provided the wind and tide were right - like every other break in the known fucking galaxy. What it had though was the headland, a sheer, abrupt face that jutted out of the pacific on one of our most popular pieces of coastline, crowds would gather on the point and watch as surfers chanced their luck and dove off the rocks inbetween the undulating sets, hang glider pilots lick their fingers and guess at the pockets of up current as they launched themselves from the cliffs (hilarious when it went wrong), watching as some skater kid inadvertently became a mexican cliff diver but in leif garret hair instead of speedos.
When the crowds where there you felt compelled to put on a show, even as a free-form nihilist with every second 'L' on your billabong shorts blacked out with crayon, you conformed and carved, carved carved and looked for that special place to launch the greatest kodak moment aerial of the entire afternoon...
but not on boxing day.
on boxing day you argued with your westie cousin (yes she was a girl) about letting you use her board wax (yes it smelled like strawberries), and you paddled out fingertip so as not to upset the square metre stingers, snorted in something that smelt like fear as you blinked at the grey wall of water that loomed up from out of nowhere, paddled, stood, and raced down the face of it with the 'chut, chut chut, chut chut chut' sound of you and your waterlogged McCoy twinfin bouncing across liquid concrete, and at the end, when you dared to even turn at the bottom, without a kodak camera in sight, you got to launch up and touch the sky.
I will be doing that for the next two weeks, except my board wax won't smell like gay strawberries, or be wrestled off some pouting girl called Elizabeth, it will be more lavender and peach. besides now we have these grips that you can buy from any good surf sto.....wait.
god dammit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-06-20 17:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-04-03 12:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-02 20:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch for fins man...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-02 04:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People love surfing. Profound comment, glib remark, false expression of camraderie.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-04-02 03:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate going surfing when there is heaps of people there, I'm too crap. My four year old has just started on a bodyboard but, she has no fear and is really impressive. I started to late in life to have no fear and get mocked when after being dumped I crawl back to the shore and stay wrapped in my towel all afternoon, too scared to go back in. She gets dumped swims to the top, laughs then goes and does it all again.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-04-02 03:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
May you ride your bindi-log into the sunset.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-04-01 23:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked.
But remember you're not supposed to write posts like this. The only way to improve Uber is to write posts complaining about how bad it is these days.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-01 22:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but really
i hope a box jellyfish wanks you off
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-01 18:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Safe trip, have fun out there.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-01 16:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
enjoy mate.
Liverpool will be top of the league and in the semis of the CL when you return.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-04-01 15:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in the early sixties, true oldies built their own boards
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-01 15:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
or word even
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2009-04-01 15:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoah
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-01 14:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bla bla bla look at me, no one can understand a fucking work I say and I spend my weekends robbing banks with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-01 12:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-01 12:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True true. I find that as well.
However, knowledge is power. Remember that, grasshopper.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-01 12:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find that as I get older ALOT of the things I learn tend to be unpleasant.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-01 12:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:42:51 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-03-24 08:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF is "ham stink," Planet?
============================
Forensic, "Ham stink" is when a young lady (or older cougar) eats alot of ham, bacon or hot dogs, goes to the club, and proceeds to sweat out the smelly smell of pork products. Thereby giving them a "ham" kind of smell. Don't ask why I know this...
-----------------------------
FORENSIC, another has heard of the "Ham Stink"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121655#2878401
``````
I have always tried to learn something new everyday. On the 24th of March, I had never heard of ham stink. So, I learned something new that day.
This is not to say that sometimes what I learn is pleasant. o_0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-01 11:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was kidding circe. Please, let's just settle this by way of a Crochet OFF? Whoever crochets the best rocking chair girdle wins!
Am frenz!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-01 11:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-03-24 08:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF is "ham stink," Planet?
============================
Forensic, "Ham stink" is when a young lady (or older cougar) eats alot of ham, bacon or hot dogs, goes to the club, and proceeds to sweat out the smelly smell of pork products. Thereby giving them a "ham" kind of smell. Don't ask why I know this...
-----------------------------
FORENSIC, another has heard of the "Ham Stink"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121655#2878401
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2009-04-01 11:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GOD DAMMIT BARTHOLOMEW BARRY CILFONE I JUST WANTED TO HANG WITH MY INTERNET FRIE
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-04-01 11:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never surfed in my life. That's what happens when you grow up landlocked in the American Midwest.
I really should try it someday.
saccy cracks me up too.
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-sad-
Whyfor you be mean, sico?
Overfed, yes.
Aboriginal, no. Not that any memeber of my family is admitting, anyway.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe is an overfed aboriginal.
*runs, hides, gets the shit kicked out*
*apologizes*
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Translation:
grommet - kid who surfs, or surfer slang for a kid. Either.
hohensee - surfboard company
tees - t-shirts [probably know that, just covering the bases]
rip - surf well
alex - alex beach, aka alexandra headland
stingers - jellyfish
turd eating fucklords - Queenslanders.
clubbie - surf club member. Twats.
carving - turning across the face of a wave
westie - from the western suburbs.
I miss surfing. I don't even remember when I stopped. Last time I went out, though, all I did was paddle out past the break and sit there so the kids couldn't get to me.
It was glorious.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean goodbye for now.
it is for now, right?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the hell is fb lungfish you dickexplorer
oh, and btw, I figure seeing as though I'll be gone a few weeks and have just been unbanned I assume that when I return I'll be banned again, so I'll cut to the chase and save experiment the where-with-all.
bart, hey foureyes. this post as you will no doubt be attentioned to by experiment is about experiment being super old. apparently. I know you don't actually check anymore when she goes running off to you calling me a malcontent and you ban me wily nily but it's obviously apparent my reflection on the nineteen-seventies in this post is an affront to her being 8000 YEARS OLD. so i accept my ensuing banning and that you are a dicklord. goodbye.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spam69, hahahaha!!
Not too much ska there I'd say.
Those were the days, Generation X, The Buzzcocks ans Splodgenessabounds. Ahhh, good times.
I hope you'll catch the right wave.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear it. Best wishes.
I deactivated my super-gay Facebook account a while ago, because it was super-gay, among other things. I did, however, use a pic of Jimmy Page as my profile picture, which makes me super-cool. I may re-activate it soon, though, as I miss my sister, and FB offered a way to stay in touch without actually saying anything.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gimme some straight rasberries Obi wan
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-04-01 10:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm up to understanding about 1 out of every 8 words you say. Not bad.
So..people LEAVE the beach when they go on vacation? It really is bizarro world down there.
I don't know who the fuck Alex is, but I LOVE Point Break. It's some of Gary Busey's finest work.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea what you just said there. Can you decode that for the Americans?
I love surfing, it just sucks on the East Coast of USA and I've been no where else :(
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whatever redpants, I'm out. good riddance everybody.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*sham - sham 69. forensic go to whatever coast is closest to you, hire a long board and you'll be standing up by lunchtime. take lungfish with you and he can use his whiskey bottle as a crude and rudimentary rudder and you'll still stand, that's how easy longboards are. mind you they're a bit gay.
anyhow I'm off. I'll post pics of my trip on facebook, if I somehow turn stupid and actually *get* a facebook.
or the solar system aligns backwards and makes me think that posting on networking sites isn't completely retarded. heyho.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How old are you? Jesus Christ.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never surfed in my life. That's what happens when you grow up landlocked in the American Midwest.
I really should try it someday.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
well that wasn't very nice
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-01 09:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, you're old