Fun With Over-The-Counter Drugs (1877 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 1.66 on 111 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by orphelia (View user info) at 2009-05-10 19:55:54 EDT
Fun with over-the-counter drugs
A few weeks ago the fat inhibitor drug 'Alli' became available in the UK as an over-the-counter drug. In return for forty pounds sterling and a fifteen minute consultation with a pharmacist you get a months supply of this much touted 'miracle' pill that can supposedly stop your body absorbing up to 70% of any fat you consume.
It sounds like a dream but beware! I speak from experience when I say this cure for lard arseness comes with nightmare consequences.
I am blessed with utterly beautiful friends. One, Sadie is a part-time model and another is so terribly pretty she can quite literally stop traffic. She looks like Britney before the rot set in and she went all G.I Jane with the hair and Commando with the knickers.
Now let me stress neither are overweight by any stretch of the imagination but anyone who is human will understand people off all sizes have body insecurities, even the slim and gorgeous. One or the other is always following some fad diet or detoxing in order to shift a few unwanted pounds.
Hardly the obese target market that Alli are aiming to sell to, I am sure.
This relatively new system where you must be approved by a pharmacist as chunky enough to warrant the tablets can already be easily abused. You just send in a fat friend to buy them. No, not me, but Sara is one of these 'Happy To Be Fat' people and willingly went to two chemists in return for two king sized Mars bars and the latest edition of 'Glamour' magazine. Well, obviously dangling a carrot would have been futile.
Apparently it is clearly explained at the consultation that you are still required to follow a low fat and reduced calorie diet, drink lots of water and take plenty of exercise ie exactly what I am doing myself. However the Alli can increase you weight loss twice the normal rate. So where I may lose 1 - 2 pounds a week at the most if I took Alli the wonder drug I'd shed 2 - 3 pounds a week. The website touts the story of a woman who managed to lose five stone in 3 weeks I can only imagine something was amputated.
They also informed Sara, very pointedly, that if her fat allowance of 15 grams per meal was exceeded there may be some awkward consequences. She could look forward to increased flatulence, anal leakage, flatulence with anal leakage and my favourite runny stools.
But hey, if it can make you thin it's worth the risk, right? Right!
Both mates took the tablets and for three days everything was fine.
Then on the fourth day into their regime I took a trip to the pictures with Sadie, the model. Everything went just as it should - we payed for our ticktes, purchased some popcorn (mine was salted, of course) and a gallon of diet cola to share, went to the toilet to talk about boys, bitch about girls and touch up our make up. Oh and feel each others breasts, that is why we always go in pairs, if you wondered. We then took our seats and turned our mobiles onto the 'silent' mode when that irritating warning ordereing you to switch off your phone was played.
After an excruciatingly dull twenty minutes of trailers for forgettable movies and Lynx adverts the film began. The cinema was silent and I sat back just relaxed to not be chasing after my pesky kids.
Then it started.
'Parp'.
I shot a 'was that you?' look at Sadie and giggled.
Sadie looked uncomfortable. Very.
'Paaarp'.
This time I shot her the look there was no giggle. Her face was ridgid with fear and her hands white as they gripped the arm rests so tightly. Everyone near us was now staring and somewhere behind us I heard a muffled snicker.
Then the bomb was quite literally dropped.
'Paaaaaarrrrraaaaarrrrrpppppp'.
The stench was instantaneous.
I recently had a sewerage block at my house thanks to a collapsed drain. An entire street worth of shit ended up fertilizing the garden. That however was a walk in a flower filled park compared to the noxious fumes seeping from Sadie.
I could honestly taste her breakfast.
I felt sick, Sadie looked mortified.
Folk around us in a fifteen seat radius let out moans of disgust and a cursory glance around confirmed that the sudden draft in the auditurium was the result of around fifty people fanning their hands before their horrified faces. Sweaters were pulled up over noses and someone sprayed perfume which seemed to only make matters worse. I am certain on chap even walked out. If it had been a childrens flick we were watching I swear it would have made anyone under the age of five cry (it was bringing tears to my eyes) and at least you could blame it on some innocent looking kid, they all smell anyway.
'I've leaked!' Sadie murmured.
'What?' I whispered back. I really hoped people didn't assume I was the culprit. The pretty ones never get the blame, they tend to get away with murder.
'I've leaked!' I hear raw desperation in her tone.*
(*note - when in conversation someone admits they do not understand what you are saying, repeating it word for word only louder is not really helpful)
'Leaked what?'
'Some... poop... has seeped out'. She only mouthed 'poop' but I have a deaf brother' I can lip read.
'Well let's go so you can sort yourself out, come on, hurry, everyone is staring!'
'Orphelia, I'm wearing a g-string!' I hate g-strings and thongs although sometimes your outfit dictates you wear one it does feel like I have a cheese grater between my buttocks.
'So? GO!' I implored her. Someone was kicking the back of my chair, I knew they would think it was me. Along with egg and rotting vegetables I sensed trouble in the air.
'I can't! I've got my white jeans on!'
Oh my god.
This really couldn't get any worse.
But it did.
I thrust my coat into her hands, it wasn't my favourite and she promised to have in dry cleaned. As Sadie tied my jacket around her waist I planned the quickest escape route possible. Since the ground didn't open up and swallow us whole I said we should aim for the exit on the left as it was nearer. Thirty feet of pure humilitation lay before us. And then fresh air.
After a countdown of three we rose swiftly and made for the door. It was then it started. Someone at the back clapped.
Then another.
And then another.
And another and another.
Sadie gave me a questioning look and I swear for a second she considered taking a bow for basically shitting her pants.
'Go! GO!' I enthused.
We went and fast too. I left her to sort herself out. That might sound callous but the whole episode reminded me of the time I went out drinking with her whilst on a 21 day course of antibiotics.
'You'll be fine, Pheeley'.
'But the lable says...'
'I'm meeting Andy!' Sad face.
'Oh ok then what harm can a few drinks do?'
Several Archers and lemonades later whilst pebble dashing the toilet in Flannagan's I felt expert enough to answer that question. Sadie had left me for dust. And toilet paperless. It was not a good night.
The next day my friend informed me that Alli simply didn't suit her and she had given the rest of her supply to our portly friend Mike.
A week later and I'd not heard a thing from my other fat busting pill popping pal Becky so I phoned her for a chat to catch up.
'He thinks I'm having an affair, Orphelia!'
'Paul? You're kidding? You're besotted with each other!'
Through sobs and tears she told her story. Anal leakage is more common side effect than we thought.
Becks was so bad a sneeze or cough could trigger it and lead to an accident of epic proportions. She said she thought she had suffered her 'final humiliation' when she was forced to buy incontinence towels at 22 years of age.
She was wrong.
Her sex life with Paul, her partner, was in ruins. Unable to relax he accused he of being cold and frigid in the bedroom. He'd pleaded with her to talk things through sensing something was wrong but Becky, in two years, hadn't even farted in his presence and got up extra early just so she could poo secretly and erase all trace of it. She could hardly spill the beans.
So, whilst Paul was working late one night she put on a some sexy underwear he'd given her for Valentine's day and on the bed tried herself to orgasm without sphincter failure.
Becky said the scene from Trainspotting where *** shits the bed was mild in comparison to her own release. There was nothing she could do but clear everything into a rubbish bag and bin it. Of course when Paul arrived home that night to find the bed sheets disappeared along with the saucy two piece he, being a typical bloke, put two and two together and made six. So embarrassed by her own uncotrollable bodily functions she felt unable to explain to him the real reason for her odd behaviour.
I left her promising she would write the truth in a letter if face-to-face discussion was impossible.
My last encounter with Alli came the other day when Mike popped in for food and beer. He had actually lost a fair bit of weight and was completely unfazed by the nasty side effects.
'Oooh godddd!' He screamed like a queen.
'You should totally get some, Pheeley.'
'Are you calling me fat?'
'You can eat whatever you want, it's awesome!'
'I think you're missing the point. Anyway, dude, two words, ANAL LEAKAGE'.
'Who cares as long as you are skinny? You just have to learn to read the signs, speaking of which...' He patted his stomach and headed up to the toilet.
Twenty minutes later I heard him calling me.
'Orrrpheeelia!'
'What?!' I shouted back from the bottom of the stairs, my nostrils greeted with a familiar smell. Flashbacks from the cinema raced through my mind and made me blush.
'Pheeeeleeey!'
'WHAT?!'
'Come and look!'
'NO!!'
'Come on, don't be so hetero, come onnnnn!'
'Flush it away you freak, my house stinks!'
'Pleeeaseee'.
I don't know what compelled me but I was surprised to find myself ascending the steps. I can't even deal with scat porn - 2 Girls 1 Cup had me heaving. And that was only on screen. this is real life. I can offer no explanation why I went to look other than whatever made me do it is the same thing in my brain that makes me love squeezing spots, especially other peoples.
Yet, what I saw as I cautiously peered over the edge made me want to squirt Toilet Duck into my eyes.
If the Exxon Valdez had spewed out orange oil rather than black this scene would have been a fantastically accurate re-enactment. I expected to spot gulls and other sea birds, their slicked wings flailing in a suffocating throes of death.
You know when you cook pizza and the melting cheese and hot pepperoni create pools of grease on the surface? My toilet bowl had been sprayed generoulsy with a similar concoction only it smelled of death.
The smell. Lordy, I have three kids (yes really, I may have mentioned that one or two times already) and they are boys so hell, do they stink foul. But this was just appalling.
And still, I couldn't stop looking.
There was something wrong, though. Something I couldn't put my finger on...
'DUDE, WHERE IS THE FUCKING TOILET ROLL YOU USED?'
His pants were back up? Check.
His trousers were back up? Check.
'WHAT. THE. FUCK?!'
I looked at the sheepish yet brimming with pride expression on his face and looked down to his hands where he had hold of two massive clumps of very soiled toilet paper.
'Dude, that's fucked up, you're just gross.'
After taking one final look (as if the sight wasn't already etched into my memory forever) I washed my hands (I felt so dirty) and went back downstairs just in time to take delivery of our chow mein from the little Chinese guy at the door. I knew he could smell the stink in the loo - his nostrils flared crazily as if trying to close them and make them stay shut but was either too polite to say anything or didn't know the English to say.
I took the meal into the kitchen where I was reunited with Mike.
'Hope you washed your hands' I said as I watched him swallow his blue capsule with a glass of water.
I left most of mine. Curiosity didn't kill the cat but it murdered my appetite. Alli wasn't proving triumph with my mates but it was certainly working for me. And I haven't taken any.
I think it is silly to choose either putting yourself through such torture or simply to sift those few extra pounds a week. I have far too much anal sex anyway and I'm sure any amount of those tablets in my system and I would just shit myself to death. I'd rather stick to eating sensibly, exercising and use the money I saved on those Satan's pills on control panties and girdles.
Anyone who chooses to be a walking biohazard is banned from my house. In fact my life. At least until their Alli program is finshed.
User Reviews
Submitted by gazaroo82 (user info) at 2009-06-10 09:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cracking read Orph. Being a british male, a good story always involves farting and pooing but if there's fart and follow through then i'm in. woop woop
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2009-05-13 14:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
okay which one of you little faggots broke my friends heart so I can kick your ass?
And if you don't think I can WHY DONT YOU JUST FLY OVER HERE TO AMERICAN AND PROVE IT FUCKER!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-12 16:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would love too, but end of year pressures and my Mr. Man are keeping me busy.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-12 16:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps LittleMonster please find time to post more!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-12 16:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's funny you'd think they'd be happy but no they have just the same insecurities as everyone else.
personally i couldn't take it, i know i'd just soil myself
:D
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-12 15:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry O, I wasn't clear, that's what I meant by 'of course it's going to be abused'. It's too tempting for the insecure.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-12 15:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
these girls are a uk size 8 and ten littlemonster
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-12 15:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey paw? I will have big, yet perky breasts. There is no way that can backfire.
____
Wanna bet. BACK PAIN. A WHOLE FUCK LOAD OF BACK PAIN!
Orphie : Good post. These being allowed over the counter is just fucking stupid. Of course people are going to abuse them. If you've got a problem with your weight or you beleive you have, go for a run fatty and stop chowing down the calories.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-05-12 15:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not my type.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-05-12 11:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Some... poop... has seeped out'
Incidentally, my senior quote.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-12 05:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
100 what?
dicks you have met personally?
ahahaha
you know i love you and am just goofing
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-12 04:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
100!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-12 04:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, FJ, that is better than nothing.
:)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-05-12 03:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello :o)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-12 03:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-05-12 05:22:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, but a "slim" and "beautiful" British woman is like your average Walmart employee here. I'm just sayin'.
--------------
Hey, did an American just mention the word 'slim'
numero uno , well done!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-483997/Scotland-second-fattest-nation-world.html
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-05-12 03:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2009-05-12 02:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
speaking of over the counter drugs, maybe we can get hopped up enough on some to make a few mistakes. maybe play a little game of "just the tip", just to see how it feels.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-05-12 00:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, but a "slim" and "beautiful" British woman is like your average Walmart employee here. I'm just sayin'.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-11 20:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I may not be nice, but its da troof.
Fuck that guy.
Sure glad you didn't leave, though.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-05-11 20:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/moreinfo.cgi?uber=orphelia&cutoff=1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 18:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rob that's not nice.
Say, Bergy, can you link me to the how users rate you thingy?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-11 18:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 17:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sico has left uber.
---
Yeah right.
...but if so? Good riddance.
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2009-05-11 18:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nowadays anything cohesively written gets a +2
Yay for adventures with body-chemistry!
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2009-05-11 17:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
POOP STORIES ARE FUNNY!
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-05-11 17:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol gross. Tell me something? Can you EVER go through a story without mentioning your sex life... AT all!? C'mon :P
Nice story though, kept me entertained for my non-work filled working day. Cheers.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2009-05-11 16:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 14:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol i have ONLY just worked out who you are
=======================================================
Wait, who am I? Please tell me, I'm having a lot of trouble rememberizing.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2009-05-11 16:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-11 14:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a hugh fan of poo stories but I'll see it as the well-deserved "Instant Karma" for vanity.
Eat less, exercise more, you'll lose weight. Worked for me.
Which is to say that I'm sure it would work for me, if I tried it.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 14:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol i have ONLY just worked out who you are
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2009-05-11 13:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually worked on this product prior to its release a few years ago, trying to come up with a way to market / explain the "side effects" - fun stuff.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-05-11 13:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your style.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 12:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
well im curious
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 12:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-05-11 15:51:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
---
Talk to me, dude.
Please.
I'm sorry.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-05-11 11:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha. fucking drug addicts.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-11 11:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tl;dr
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blarf
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamn right!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
has a prude-ass below
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think anal-leakage only happens to people who have engaged in teh buttsecks
i loved those chips and never had any type of issues at all.
my butt is also a virgin and hoping to stay that way.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-11 10:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whatever made me do it is the same thing in my brain that makes me love squeezing spots, especially other peoples.
----------------------------------------
You're in a cult with my wife, I'm sure of it. Did you know that for a time, Lay's brand potato chips contained an ingredient called "Olene" which caused anal leakage?
I'm kinda sorta certain they discontinued them.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Even if the boobs are pointy and floppy and covered with ginger hair and leak green milk and belong to a crazy witch who smells like semen and eats her own skin?
Fark........
I'm off Bye!
-------------------
Pointy and floppy are alright. But ginger hair leaking green milk? Did you know oathmeals mom while she was pregnant or something?
wait her nipples didnt leak green milk! They leaked muscle milk.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Even if the boobs are pointy and floppy and covered with ginger hair and leak green milk and belong to a crazy witch who smells like semen and eats her own skin?
Fark........
I'm off Bye!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My boobs are not worth looking at anyway. Ass maybe.
---------------------
All boobs are worth looking at at least once dear.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My boobs are not worth looking at anyway. Ass maybe.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you have e-mail
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you said butterface remember! thats not nice
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not mean :(
i love everybody...you could be next!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are mean to my friend :(
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
obviously EI and myself share the affection that dare not speak it's name.
i'm so ashamed
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M NOT SHOWIN YOU TARDS MY GOODIES!
EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
===========================
not a team player
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PHEW, ON WITH THE BOOB BANDWAGON THEN
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M NOT SHOWIN YOU TARDS MY GOODIES!
EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boob bandwagon boobday!
---------------------
I am Sgthartman and I approve this message...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 14:10:04 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 20:35:05 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
is it hot in here? or is it the heat from my post and the seven or eight others I inspired in title or content.
I rock, we should bang.
----------
I showed a boob. That should be worth jumping on the bandwagon. Ugly boob but.
================
that would be the greatest bandwagon of all time
----------------
On ubersite? maybe not the greatest, weirdest yes, greatest, apart from a few, no!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boob bandwagon boobday!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 20:35:05 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
is it hot in here? or is it the heat from my post and the seven or eight others I inspired in title or content.
I rock, we should bang.
----------
I showed a boob. That should be worth jumping on the bandwagon. Ugly boob but.
================
that would be the greatest bandwagon of all time
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's the mystery that makes you hot for me.
It's ok, I'm used to it.
El I am an asshole not a prick.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 20:35:05 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
is it hot in here? or is it the heat from my post and the seven or eight others I inspired in title or content.
I rock, we should bang.
----------
I showed a boob. That should be worth jumping on the bandwagon. Ugly boob but.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the sexual tension between us is killing you isnt it Mysti?
i can't have sexual tension when i don't know what you look like , stupidface!
although it's obvious you have a raging boner for me :)
==========================
hahaha "raging boner"
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 09:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the sexual tension between us is killing you isnt it Mysti?
i can't have sexual tension when i don't know what you look like , stupidface!
although it's obvious you have a raging boner for me :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
plus FaLLEN isn't funny, its not his fault, ok it is, he's just not funny. prick.
thats all said in a sarcastic manner
apart from the prick bit
OR IS IT!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FALLEN you have mail by the way
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stop!
look down.
see those wonderful orbs? rising and heaving with every breath?
THAT is why you heat, missy.
write a post without boobs and see how fast you get heat.
you can give them to me to hold while you type.
:o
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
omg FALLEN haha
i just didnt happen across any of your reviews the last few days..most of the posts i read, you werent on at all
so blow me and go rate it anyway and dont be a little bitch!
xoxo
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
come on team slutbag, leave FALLeN alone, yeah yeah i didnt capatalise the E, thats how I roll.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
squirrels?
hmmmmmmmmm.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 13:41:48 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i say we lynch FALLEN for starting religionmadmess!
who's with me?
------------------
Satan, Stalin and Hitler
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the sexual tension between us is killing you isnt it Mysti?
I like how I was left off your list, like I dont make you laugh and laugh.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
me!
:)
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i say we lynch FALLEN for starting religionmadmess!
who's with me?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is it hot in here? or is it the heat from my post and the seven or eight others I inspired in title or content.
I rock, we should bang.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
I have a friend that was doing TrimSpa and said if you dont drink enough water you shit bricks!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 08:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey paw? I will have big, yet perky breasts. There is no way that can backfire.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH FOR TWO HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!
yes yes that will buy me ummm some ginger beer, yummy.
lets just hope theres nothing perching on my cupboard waiting to pounce
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMGROFLOL I KNEW YOUD LIEK THAT
It's all about the monkey's paw...
What? you wish your family had so much money you'd never have to work again?
SHAZZAM! Your son just got killed in the factory! Yay insurance!
etc etc
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
FRIGGGGIIIIIIIIIIN AWESOME COLEY
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ITS LIKE THE MONKEYS PAW
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Be careful what you wish for Nath.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pictures or it didn't happen
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 06:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sry....so sryyyyyyy
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok ok ok, its not my quote. i was merely backing you up. Jeez! (that's american, just for you) stop being a right woman today, it doesnt suit you.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I already said that more concisely, EI
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
periods of what?
lucidity?
be grateful
you are missing NOTHING
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Men are weird.
I haven't had periods in years, it's most traumatic.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
men are just women uncomplicated
*grunt*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah cause women are so rational normally, hell they cant even lie properly, lying saves lives, arguments and having conversation. thats why us guys do it. we make the world go round.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously orph
the only reason a woman would react so strongly would be due to her menses
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm kinda touchy today, sorry
must be due my period
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
miss sensitive! hardly a cutting remark by me!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seriously though, it's a writers forum, you can't say things are too long.
now if you had said not enough monkeys, fair dues.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut up emission
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needed more triads.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
split your posts up or condense, they are far too long.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Rate my posts!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bubba.
===========
Why don't you just stick a shotgun up your asshole and pull the trigger, you waste of oxygen? You suck, you blow, and you probably swallow. Just STFU, asshole. Alter fuckstick.
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay, I read it and know for sure now that this deserved a -2.
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bubba.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2,288 words just to relate a wet fart joke.
OoooooKaayyyyyyyy!!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-11 02:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When do you sleep O?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 02:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
**** = Spud.
Shit, it was 1am when I typed this. And I was loaded.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2009-05-10 22:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why isn't this higher than 1.75? Gross-out stories are awesome!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-10 22:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i told you to stay away from that evil pill when you asked me about it last week.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-10 21:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-10 20:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eww. I would rather be a bulimic than take pills that cause anal leakage.
Speaking of gross things at the movies, me and my bestie went and saw knowing a month or so ago. Only because we are huge Nicholas Cage fans, hottie. Half way through the movie I felt sick so as a precaution I went to the loo, vomited (missed the train scene), thought I was finished and went back in. I got through most of the movie when in the last 10minutes I had to get up and run to the toilet, the disabled ones were the closest, so without shutting the door I ran in there and with no time left puked up the wall and on the floor next to the toilet. There were people walking past to go to the other toilets staring at me.
I cleaned most of it with paper, but it smelt bad and I had to go out and get one of the movie helper girls to come in and clean it. The little fifteen year old looked like she was going to slap me. When I came out to the front my mate was waiting, shes like "what happened to you?" When I explained she laughed and said she knew it was something like that because I never run. The time before that I went to see Watchmen and tripped up the stairs with frozen coke and spilled it every where. I hate the movies.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-05-10 20:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh, I only read half.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-05-10 20:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
MMMMMMMMMMM
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-10 19:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, that's loooong.