Michael Bay & the Gang Crank Out Another Masterpiece (1792 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.83 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sully (View user info) at 2009-06-29 21:30:43 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-07-18 21:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122682#2912065
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2009-07-04 13:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be in the NY Times. It's more honest.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-03 00:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2009-07-02 18:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm actually looking forward to seeing this movie too.
Has anyone heard of a movie coming out in August called District 9? I think it's going to be good but I haven't seen a whole lot of trailers for it.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-07-01 13:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRS90V8BQGo&e
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2009-07-01 13:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot Robot Heaven
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2009-07-01 13:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I want to be your friend.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-01 11:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My tits are beautiful, no matter what they saaaaaaay...
You get the idea.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-07-01 03:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All true.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 16:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My favorite movie of the summer so far: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WHAIQnrlnc&feature=channel_page
Now there's some CGI.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-06-30 16:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still want to see it (I'm a special-effects nut), but this was funny.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-06-30 16:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what, I realize I just wasn't inebriated enough. I should've gotten absolutely loaded on 8 flavors of drugs and alcohol and I would've probably enjoyed myself immensely. The cheerful kids in your audience no doubt pregamed in the parking lot.
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The only movie I have seen in the past 5+ years without drinking first was a free screening fo terminator salvation.
I don't know if booze coudl have helped that movie, but it certainly wouldn't have hurt. Never making that mistake again.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what, I realize I just wasn't inebriated enough. I should've gotten absolutely loaded on 8 flavors of drugs and alcohol and I would've probably enjoyed myself immensely. The cheerful kids in your audience no doubt pregamed in the parking lot.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look, I'm exaggerating. Most rational directors would have nixed those twins long before post-production realizing they were just too racist for their own good.
As for the movie being enjoyable, I WASN'T going in looking for a great storyline, good character development or good dialogue (which was great because all of those things were absent). All I wanted to do was sit back, watch shit blow up and look at Megan Fox's barely clothed body like the rest of the crowd. What I didn't realize was that the cost of craving such things would be so high (150 MINUTES, MICHAEL? 150 MINUTES??).
I don't know. Sometimes a crowd can sway a film's reaction for me. Nearly every single one-liner and cheap sexual innuendo (there were at least 230 of those), fell flat on their face in my theater. Just aching silence. An hour and a half in, I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there but there was still another hour. I thought to myself, "Ehh, Bay's gonna throw us a bone at some point with a ten-minute Megan Fox full-frontal or something. It's only fair." But no. When the lights finally came on there was scattered booing which ignited some much needed laughter.
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The black people in the sudience I saw it with were laughing at the twins more than anyone else.
The crowd where I saw it had a lot of kids, which may have attributed to the "positive energy" in the crowd. although kids always piss me off, the beers I had before contributed to my positive energy.
My only real complaint was the movie dragging, which I should have known walking in to the movie given the length.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If no one's read between the lines yet, Transformers 2 is very long.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 15:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-06-30 14:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I actually thought they were a little funny, not because of how they couldn't read and talked like Jazz from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but because they were a visual representation of what Michael Bay thinks of black people as a whole. So delightfully racist, you never see stuff like that anymore. South Park kids around.
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That is just dumb.
He throws some people in who talk ghetto and you assume he thinks of all black people as being like that? I woudl be willing to bet he runs into more loaded white kids who think they are "hard" by talking like that then he does black people who were brought up to talk like that.
While this post was amusing, I still enjoyed the movie. Anyone going in expecting a great storyline, good character development or dialogue is an idiot. It was PG-13 and geared toward the loewest sommon denominator. You walk in hoping for nothing more than robots kicking ass and you will walk outpleased.
---
Look, I'm exaggerating. Most rational directors would have nixed those twins long before post-production realizing they were just too racist for their own good.
As for the movie being enjoyable, I WASN'T going in looking for a great storyline, good character development or good dialogue (which was great because all of those things were absent). All I wanted to do was sit back, watch shit blow up and look at Megan Fox's barely clothed body like the rest of the crowd. What I didn't realize was that the cost of craving such things would be so high (150 MINUTES, MICHAEL? 150 MINUTES??).
I don't know. Sometimes a crowd can sway a film's reaction for me. Nearly every single one-liner and cheap sexual innuendo (there were at least 230 of those), fell flat on their face in my theater. Just aching silence. An hour and a half in, I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there but there was still another hour. I thought to myself, "Ehh, Bay's gonna throw us a bone at some point with a ten-minute Megan Fox full-frontal or something. It's only fair." But no. When the lights finally came on there was scattered booing which ignited some much needed laughter.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-06-30 14:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I actually thought they were a little funny, not because of how they couldn't read and talked like Jazz from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but because they were a visual representation of what Michael Bay thinks of black people as a whole. So delightfully racist, you never see stuff like that anymore. South Park kids around.
------------------
That is just dumb.
He throws some people in who talk ghetto and you assume he thinks of all black people as being like that? I woudl be willing to bet he runs into more loaded white kids who think they are "hard" by talking like that then he does black people who were brought up to talk like that.
While this post was amusing, I still enjoyed the movie. Anyone going in expecting a great storyline, good character development or dialogue is an idiot. It was PG-13 and geared toward the loewest sommon denominator. You walk in hoping for nothing more than robots kicking ass and you will walk outpleased.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but some girls like charlize theron or nicole kidman (neither are my kind of thing) have longer careers cuz they have talent and shooting cum in their face is not the only thing that comes to mind when you see them.
===
"not the *only* thing" being the key, here.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We will all laugh at gilded butterflies."
Wha?
Also, Scarlet Jo is a good actress and genuinely pretty as opposed to porno hot.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The disgusting truth
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These girls have a shelf life of about 2 years it seems.
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that's what i meant.
but some girls like charlize theron or nicole kidman (neither are my kind of thing) have longer careers cuz they have talent and shooting cum in their face is not the only thing that comes to mind when you see them.
my favourite is monica bellucci. i'd eat road kill dipped in feces and puss to get a girl like that :-)
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone remember that Scottish shit stain who always posted porn on here? Anyway, he was always hot and bothered with Scarlett Johansen.
Now I'm sure she's considered a washed up hag. These girls have a shelf life of about 2 years it seems.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So is Megan Fox the latest 'it' hottie now?
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i didn't find her as hot as in the 1st movie.
she's very hot, but she doesn't have that special something last-long beauties have.
she looks more like a porn bimbo than anything else.
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nail on the head.
not that there's anything WRONG with porn bimbos.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's kind of interesting that Sasha Grey from that movie The Girlfriend Experience is gaining attention.
Granted she isn't half as pretty as Megan Fox, she still has that bad girl/tattooed/short skirt/ black mascara/ 'I'm prettier than you' aura about her like Megan Fox. Only difference between her and Fox is that Sasha Grey actually DOES the porn she looks like she does. Her first link on freeones is literally, "Sasha Grey Gets Assfucked and Takes a Huge Facial." Wonder if Megan Fox will try to one up her bad girlness? Here's to hoping.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was the hottest I've ever seen her. In the first one she was drenched in sweat and grime that I could practically smell. In this one, she retains her shampoo commercial hair even after running around in a desert for an hour. She's definitely porn star hot, which I personally don't find as attractive as say, not-porn star hot.
As per usual for an "It" girl, all the girls in 8th grade have a picture of her taped to their mirrors and stop eating and try to save up for tattoos like hers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So is Megan Fox the latest 'it' hottie now?
===
i didn't find her as hot as in the 1st movie.
she's very hot, but she doesn't have that special something last-long beauties have.
she looks more like a porn bimbo than anything else. she kinda reminds me of every girl on brazzers.com
her career will probably be similar to jessica alba's...or ever shortened due to the toe-thumb :-)
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So is Megan Fox the latest 'it' hottie now?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the twins were blacks? i watch it dubbed.
that explains there face :-)
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, no sideboob or topless shot from Megan or Isabel though. It's allowable in a PG-13 movie.
BUT WE HAVE A 15 SECOND CLOSEUP OF JOHN TURTURRO IN A THONG.
God I hate you, Michael.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
saw this movie two days ago.
i didn't expect anything more than a retarded movie with a lot of cool CGI robot fights and megan fox ass.
it delivered in those aspects, but i could've done without all the fart and humping jokes for children.
at least the action was a bit easier to follow than in the first one.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't get me wrong, I don't have any moral problem with those black twins. Hell, they could have their own spinoff movie and I certainly wouldn't be the first to make a picket sign. Just thought I'd throw it in at the end because it just had to be pointed out how Michael Bay must have 0 black friends because this is how he thinks they speak.
I actually thought they were a little funny, not because of how they couldn't read and talked like Jazz from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but because they were a visual representation of what Michael Bay thinks of black people as a whole. So delightfully racist, you never see stuff like that anymore. South Park kids around.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone that doesn't like this movie because of "Black Stereotypes" is an asshole and a stupid one at that.
Hate the movie because it sucked ass and included 99 of the top 100 movie clichés in it. Not because of two FICTIONAL characters who sounded "Black"
I could just as easily be mad at every black stand up comedian for making white people sound like they are holding their nose and have a stick up their asses. But I don't. Know why? Cause that's fucking stupid. And white people DO talk like that.
just like black people say "yo" and "Dawg" sometimes.
Drake for Prez 2012!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fluffernutter
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-06-29 23:36:42 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 00:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How'd you like it frank?
To me, you seem like you applauded when the credits started to roll.
----------------------------------------
as it turns out, I thought it was pretty good, apart from all the obvious reasons, black stereotype transformers, plot holes, the innane babble, ect.
if you look at it as a basic action movie, it's excellent. I particularly liked Jetfire. he was always one of my favorite transformers as a kid, and I was pleased that the writers included so much of the classic character's history.
all in all, I give it 3.5 stars
***
This guy is what's wrong with Americans.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-30 10:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good time to not give a fuck about transformers. Then again, every time is a good time for that.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They have Barbie movies.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I forget to mention shrinky dinks? They will have their own CG film directed by Ewe Bolle.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just want someone to bring back hypercolor shirts...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't see the first one. Won't see this one. Or Transformers 6 either.
Gee, I wonder what other toys from the 80's will get their own movies now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Smurfs and Pac Man are already in the making. By 2012 we'll see My Little Ponies, a racy version of the Care Bears, EZ Bake Ovens, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, Duck Hunt, and those moon boots that change color.
Also, there will be a second and third Goonies movies, both starring Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell. Oh, and they'll do Ziggy before Hollywood collapses altogether.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't see the first one. Won't see this one. Or Transformers 6 either.
Gee, I wonder what other toys from the 80's will get their own movies now.
-------
Rainbow Bright - 2012
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw this piece of shit last night. I'd rather watch "The Marine" nine times in a row than see this god awful film again.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-06-30 08:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a very clever pirate.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with Forensic, we are officially out of fucking new ideas. Its over Johnny....its OVER!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just so people know, i had a sex dream about FG last night and she was good. VERY GOOD.
Its a sad state of affairs when you dream about someone from Uber.
Im just praying that Bubbas not next.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't see the first one. Won't see this one. Or Transformers 6 either.
Gee, I wonder what other toys from the 80's will get their own movies now.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-30 07:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will probably get it on DVD. MLW is a fan.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-30 06:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-06-30 04:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Movies and TV
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-06-30 04:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, my kid has a bumblebee transformer, that cost $80.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-30 04:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe I will probably wait until dvd anyway. Isabel Lucas, Yummy!
Submitted by Bobdacow (user info) at 2009-06-30 03:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-30 01:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never watched the first, and sure as hell won't see this. That siad, I've heard enough, and know enough about the "talent" involved, to say this was a bang on account of the film and I actually lol'd. Truly earned +2.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 00:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A round 0 stars for me. Thought about killing myself at least a dozen times during the opening scene alone.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-06-30 00:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 00:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How'd you like it frank?
To me, you seem like you applauded when the credits started to roll.
----------------------------------------
as it turns out, I thought it was pretty good, apart from all the obvious reasons, black stereotype transformers, plot holes, the innane babble, ect.
if you look at it as a basic action movie, it's excellent. I particularly liked Jetfire. he was always one of my favorite transformers as a kid, and I was pleased that the writers included so much of the classic character's history.
all in all, I give it 3.5 stars
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-30 00:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How'd you like it frank?
To me, you seem like you applauded when the credits started to roll.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-06-29 23:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN YOU SULLY!
I was going to post a piece about TF2, but there's no way I can follow an act like this!
DAMN YOU AND YOUR...STUFF THAT'S BETTER THAN MINE!
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2009-06-29 23:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Her tattoo is (sort of) a line from King Lear, Cakes. It says 'We will all laugh at gilded butterflies.' Gilded incidentally means 'plated with gold' and the line is a rejection of opulence and false apperances (a golden butterfly, of course, cannot fly).
Which...for Megan Fox... kind of ironic.
/geekspeak
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-29 22:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would NEVER go see a movie in this genre but this was probably pretty funny- and that chick has a great vag (trust me, I know firsthand- I'm Shlongy) - so have a +1 and be happy.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-29 22:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Megan Fox is banging that fuck from 90210. True story.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-06-29 22:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My wife has a tattoo on her inner thigh which reads, "Breeds mites, much like a cheese," with an arrow pointing to her cooter.
Just kidding. That would be gross. Awesome, but gross.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-29 22:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the tattoo by her vag apparently is the name of the doofus she's banging, which i think would be super duper if my girlfriend did the same. i mean seriously, how big of an ego trip would it be to see my brand when i throw it in? the answer is a big one, which makes up for my small penis.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-06-29 22:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks, now I don't have to see the movie. Or the first one. Ever.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-29 21:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why couldn't we have spent $10 on 2.5 hours of this:
http://www.esquire.com/the-side/video/megan-fox-video
WHY?
(a good band, by the way)
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-29 21:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I've probably beat off to Megan Fox pictures upwards of 4,480 times and I still couldn't tell you what one of her tattoos says.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-06-29 21:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Does that girl's tattoo say: We will all laugh at grilled butterflies?!!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-29 21:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that's probably about right.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-29 21:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This non-fictional recanting doubles as my beaming review for the film.