Fourth of July: Sometimes It's Cool (645 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (View user info) at 2009-07-04 20:29:48 EDT
Twenty-seven years ago we went to my sister's house to celebrate July 4th. Her family would take up a collection in mid-June and drive to Wyoming, where tons of otherwise illegal fireworks were to be had at bargain prices. Hell, anything was cool, as Colorado had outlawed every firework, even sparklers.
My nieces and nephews had been setting off all sorts of noisy shit on the pavement of the cul-de-sac where they lived, having a good time and whooping and screaming. My wife and I were inside playing cards with my sister and brother-in-law when we heard a very loud bang. It was as loud as a 12-gauge shotgun, but higher in pitch. I got up to go see what the fuck happened when my three year old son ran in the front door holding his ears and crying. My first thought was that he had been too close and sustained powder burns, so I moved his hands from his ears. No burns, just him crying and saying "too loud, daddy."
When I stepped out the front door I was greeted by sad faces and the sight of a police car with its lights flashing. Seems that one of the dickhead neighbors had called to say we were breaking the law. Fucking wah! The cop had only been half a block away when the very loud explosion took place, and he wanted to know, as I did, what the hell made such a horrible boom. My oldest nephew said, "Uh... it was this."
He showed the cop a small cannon, six-inch barrel and a bore of .44 inches. A fucking .44 magnum cannon! Mr. Officer had a hard time controlling his smile, and asked nephew where he got such a thing. Little Mikey answered that he had found it advertised in a gun magazine, and he had only used half the powder the instructions called for.
No ticket was issued that night, and the cop stuck around for over an hour, talking to my nephew Mike about his own collection of antique pistols, rifles, and cannons. Before he left he admonished us to obey the law, with a parting comment that he and others would be attending a police party later, and there would be no one to respond to calls of less than a life-threatening nature.
User Reviews
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-05 17:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-08 23:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yea, sounds kinda cool.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-08 18:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always been treated well by cops. There was this one time, however, when I was sixteen, when they made* me pour about 120 beers down the sink. That hurt. That hurt bad.
*suggested strongly, or else
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-07-08 00:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 16:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cops aren't always power hungry assholes.
***
very few are, and like in any business with a lot of employees, unfortunately, the less than 1% that are, stand out until their PC-jacket fills with a few too many entries and becomes UN-defendable
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-07 08:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd much rather see a 60lb carronade double-shotted with grape and glass unloaded into a drunken redneck patriot party. The screams of the peasantfolk would be exquisite.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 16:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cops aren't always power hungry assholes.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-07-06 14:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tl; dr
I assume it was jsut more of bubbas sick fantasys involving children anyway. STFU pedo.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-06 11:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well, that was fucking boring.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-07-06 10:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read it. You're a fag. Die.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2009-07-05 22:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ran away to my unibomber shack for the 4th. We could still hear fireworks, dog wasn't thrilled but did pretty well.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-07-05 21:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O RLY
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-07-05 18:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's the best time you've had in 27 years?
(except for all the paedoing of course)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-05 14:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking made up celebration
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-07-05 12:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-07-05 07:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad sir. Not bad at all.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-07-05 07:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well yeah.
cops don't care about fucking fireworks.
your point?
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-05 03:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-07-05 03:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-07-04 22:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Fourth, man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaYDu1-eTk8
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-07-04 22:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Twenty-seven years ago we went to my sister's house..."
I couldn't read past this, cuz i know this is about you raping her children using the "uncle trust" :-(
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-04 21:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cops are usually cool too.
I love America.
It kind of pisses me off that there are not more 4th of July posts.
Also my girlfriend wants us to move to Colorado. I am on the fence.
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-07-04 21:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Where's the ending?