i have no title (659 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.37 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2009-07-11 14:44:56 EDT
tell a farkin story, they said. and it was said like that - farkin. not even really a word, just an emphasis.
we sat in the huge tin shed, having just listened to 'use your illusion 2', the blue one, and felt like badasses, and the motorbikes we rode that day were still warm and confirmed our assumptions.
tell us a farkin story, we said.
so i sat out in the night, a fire was my company. i had a knife in my hand, and a small piece of wood, and i was trying to shape the wood into something recognisable, but i was failing. nighttimes are scary when youre entirely alone, and youre wondering when... if... your family will get back.
but in the meantime, you whittle. you just shank the knife along the wood and take off a small bit here, a small bit there. its calm, and quiet and it passes the time while you wait in the enclosing dark around a fire that is warm and friendly and serves to remind you how small and alone you are in the midst of all these trees and space and dark and stars and lonliness. its a scary place for a kid.
and then theres a snap.
the unmistakeable snap of foot on twig. the unmistakeable snap of a surreptitious foot on a treacherous, tell-tale twig.
the snap makes you turn. youve been staring at a fire for who knows how long. - you cant see whats in the dark, the dark is an inky blackness that is unknowable. the fire is the safeguard. the inky dark is the subconscious. better not to know what could make such a discernable snap, such a distinctive snap.
who could possibly be here. who could possibly be watching right now.
there is no question. there is noone who could or would be here. there is noone who could be watching.
and then there is another snap. the surreptitious snap of a foot that has failed, yet again, to be stealthy.
i am a child in the dark waiting for my mother to come home and relieve me from the sheer dark lonliness of night and i hear a surreptitious snap of foot-on-twig, twice, and i am very, very scared.
just a few days ago i walked through long grass and saw a king brown snake, six feet long, slither hurridely between my legs. that was scary.
now we are scared. that last snap was close. really close. watching my every move close.
the night time sounds of insects and trees seems to quiet down and the innumerable stars above the bright light of my little fire glow with an intensity i'd not yet noticed.
another snap.
it would appear that our little area is festooned with the sort of twigs that give away the presence of one who would rather remain hidden.
or maybe they just dont care.
i look up at the stars and hope for the near, yet distant light of my mothers unmistakeable headlights on the top of the far hill, as the sound of undergrowth being pushed boldly aside fills my terrified senses.
i am small, but i have a blade.
i do not think it will be enough.
god i hope it is.
mum where are you.
the stars are bright and they do not care. they have seen worse.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-07-13 10:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2009-07-13 10:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
discernible, loneliness, etc.
The lack of capitalization, to be honest, doesn't bother me. It's a choice and sometimes it even works ok.
The poor spelling, on the other hand, does. That's not a choice, it's just incorrect. And you can ramble all you want about informal forum and why bother checking it when it's only uber blah blah blah, but the simple fact is this: all those spelling errors make this less than it could be.
A) you don't care
B) I'm female and therefore my opinion is suspect
C) I'm crap anyway so who am I to dare tell you anything
D) you don't care
E) see D
F) see A
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2009-07-12 21:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtrYU6vWdiE
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-07-12 20:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am going on the assumption that this blew.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-07-12 20:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad i guess.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2009-07-12 16:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no girl bashing?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-07-12 08:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i take that to mean you disapprove?
keep your patronism to yourself, this piece of average is on par with about the best youve ever done.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-07-12 07:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhh...
Well, at least you wrote something.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2009-07-12 07:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you got no title? i have no monies.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you mean my 'correction', i assume.
and i assure you, it was 'better'.
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
o i c wut u did dere. other than using informal contractions and a slang, there was nothing grammatically incorrect with what I said. Your correcion was synonymous but not technically 'better.''
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This isn't going well for me. I'm leaving.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
:/
I didn't mean to wink at you below.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Psychology sucks.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I realized my interpretation probably says more about me than you.
;/
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah, of course. well all i can say in reference to that is those are actual memories - the snake in particular. i didnt even really get a chance to be scared - i was walking through a paddock of long, dry grass and just happened to look down as this huge snake slithered through. brown snakes kill more than any other in australia.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 23:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sure it is. I was thinking more or the furious whittling away at your small piece of wood and remembering the big brown snake between your legs.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-07-11 22:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-07-11 16:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's so chill how you don't use proper capitalization.
---
strictly speaking, your sentence is a little grammatically incorrect - and thats not even including the slang misuse of the word 'chill'. i mean its not really far off, and its in actuality probably acceptable, especially in this informal forum, however a more correct formulation would be along the lines of: 'that's so (chill) how you don't capitalise correctly.'
i guess we can all do with some work on our grammatical and language skills.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-07-11 22:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
care to elaborate on 'altogether bad', william hazlitt?
or would you prefer to continue thinking being a grammar pedant somehow equates with having a clue?
---
cattiness aside, im interested in your thoughts. having reread it, i think its ok - i reckon snark and lung have got it about right at a solid '1'.
---
in answer to lung, is it possible to have a speaker in a story think/talk about their mother, and NOT have it be some sort of freudian slip? probably not i suppose.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-07-11 21:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i HATE "noone" it is no one.
not noone
that makes me think the british can't spell "noon"
and then I have to think about it.
altogether bad.
Submitted by Spuzzum (user info) at 2009-07-11 19:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lost me at the word 'festooned'
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-11 17:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you should have listened to the red one.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-11 17:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lack of capitalization and things like "noone" make this really hard to read. Do me a favor, won'cha?
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-07-11 16:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's so chill how you don't use proper capitalization.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-11 15:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-07-11 15:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Freud much?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-07-11 14:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good imagery.
Title: "Farkin about in the woods."