the pain of being a writer (1033 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.23 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2009-09-18 14:09:36 EDT
so fucking pretentious. please forgive any mis-spellings, im hammered.
"so dave, he got asked to leave bar broadway." some kid said, and i was a little surprised.
"wait, i've staggered blind as into there and not even been looked at sideways" another kid countered, restoring my faith in the universe.
"yeah, but he got asked to leave the landsdowne." came the reply.
hold on a fuckin moment. wait a fuckin second. givus a minute.
"the landsdowne?" i interjected.
they looked at me, like the interloper i was. "the fucking landsdowne? one of your mates got booted out of the landsdowne?" i asked, utterly skeptical.
"Yeah." was the simple reply.
"They don't have any bouncers, it's like their fuckin trademark. who the fuck did he get kicked out by?" i asked, really interested in the actual answer, because i actually believed they werent lying.
"Heeeey, sam!" a voice said from my left.
"Holy shit, roberto!" i answered. a mexican friend of mine happened to be sitting right next to me in this fast food joint, and i didnt notice. here in australia, mexicans are not like your US mexicans, theyre exotic and come from nice families, so theyre basically like you and me, but with a fake dirtbag background that makes them seem way cooler than they really are. notwithstanding, roberto was actually a really cool guy.
"Hey man, what's up?" he replied.
One of my newfound mateys re: the landsdowne debate decided that the 'discussion' wasnt over.
"so, ahh, whos this?" my newfound matey asked.
---
and at this point, i just stopped giving any fuck whatsoever, and just thought about the events in the previous 5 minutes and how theyd make really great cinema - the awkwardness, the highlight into contemporary male psyche, the exciting camera angles and lighting, but really aside from the piss-take at camera-type-dudes (youre all pretty much fucking worthless you fucking technicians - robots can do your job, but even better. i fucking hate you. no i don't. you're still pretty much worthless though.) it was a real moment in male interaction that really offered insight into the human condition, well at leat 48% of it.
and this is what im left with.
thinking about how a stupid drunken moment involving random dudes could be a really cool moment in a script.
my dumbass melodramatic title aside, the problem with being a guy who gets paid to write and to try and just invent shit, is that nothing is just as it is. its something to remember, to save for later. to think about and add to the armory.
i know a guy, a bad writer - just quietly - who carries around a notebook (like we all have/do) and writes in it the funny shit people say when out on the booze or whatever.
you know what, you fucking mercenary - just have your own fun time, and the great bits will stick - you dont need no fucking notebook. and fuck you for trying to quote me, or anyone else, uncredited.
now im that mercenary.
i just dont have the notebook.
i have these thoughts that now cant just enjoy a moment.
now my gayass pretentious title doesnt feel so much to me.
User Reviews
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-28 10:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-09-21 19:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quick question.
It's completely self-serving, but hear me out. I've often wondered what you've read and liked on Ubersite- if anyhing. Particularly out of the things I've written. I appreciate your honesty, but if you can't be bothered that's okay too. Cheers.
---
sorry for the late reply, poly - youve been very patient with me over the years, and i appreciate that. ive been avoiding actually looking at this holocaust, but now im hammered enough again to peek, so heres my answer.
i cant tell you many things ive liked and actually rememeber, in fact theres only one that comes to mind, and that is phallic_cymbals' parody of 'the da vinci code' which, in my own limited opinion - bar 2 of my own pieces here (which is pure egotism, but thats how it goes) - is the best thing this site has seen, and outside that i cant remember anything ANYONE else has done.
all i can offer, is fuck my opinion, and fuck anyone elses. im probably more learned than anyone else currently on this site (there was a guy who was a professor who frequented the site for a little while, but he's gone now. nice guy, sucks that hes gone) about literature, and all i can tell you is as far as writing goes, if you generally feel its pretty good, then it generally IS pretty good, and even if it isnt, who gives a fuck - you think youre hemingway?
jeffrey archer, who has spent more time on the NY times #1 best seller spot than any other writer doesnt even write his books. he has a team of writers and he tells them what the idea is for a given chapter, gets them to write them, then the editors piece it all together, slap his big name on the cover and BAM - best seller.
try and tell me literature is some sacred thing.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2009-09-25 16:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm guilty of the
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-09-22 02:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i know a guy, a bad writer - just quietly - who carries around a notebook (like we all have/do) and writes in it the funny shit people say when out on the booze or whatever.
--
This is oft the best way to capture the gold, after sifting through the shit-- IF you can read what you wrote when you don't even remember where you were.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-09-21 19:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quick question.
It's completely self-serving, but hear me out. I've often wondered what you've read and liked on Ubersite- if anyhing. Particularly out of the things I've written. I appreciate your honesty, but if you can't be bothered that's okay too. Cheers.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-21 15:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-09-18 13:20:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i do pretentious well. i rock pretentious. its my thing.
though this was deep. and meaningful. note the full stops (thats what we call 'periods' outside the US because 'periods' actually mean something entirely different in the civilised world. i think ive actually made this exact point some other time on this backwater site.) the full stops made the point more meaningful. next im gonna get all indigenous on you.
===========
I think you have confused indigenous with "inbred."
-----
I LOLED
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-09-21 13:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-09-21 13:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/123322
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-09-21 10:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
crap.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-09-21 09:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-09-20 15:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, if I read "Heeeeey!" and then I read "Hey!" there's an entirely different flavour of the word in my head. I think it makes a difference, but what do I know?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-09-20 11:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everything you need to know about 'kaos king' is right there in his user name.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-09-20 11:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122553
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-09-20 02:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-19 08:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and kaos, id like to say again: as ordinary as this is, this is about on the quality scale of the best thing you can or ever will do - read up on it again, you might learn something.
______________________________________________________
My god, do you actually believe this? Your arrogance is astounding.
===
do you actually believe that you're such a great writer that it is arrogant to say your write shit (which you do btw)? Your arrogance is astounding.
you're morbidly obese and unemployed cuz you have been declared slightly retarded and unfit to work by state doctors...stfu, please.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-19 21:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, you really are a right miserable cunt. But that's okay.
You go ahead and use the superior literary skills that you've obviously presented here to lead Uber into its glorious tomorrow.
You're both well suited for each other...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-19 17:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In the first, we "yanks" don't have one opinion or another about Mexicans. We, or at least I, just don't feel the need to point out that "Jean luc" is French, that "Bee Sim" is Malay, or that "Shaniqua" is of African descent. This has less to do with my ethnicity, and more to do with my not constantly feeling the need to state the obvious.
One thing that I find particularly banal about pretentious people, especially when it comes to their writing, is how they prate on about the "exotic nature" and "ethnic color" of those around them. There was this jackass in college who loved to pratt weekly in the student paper about how he went to Mexico and saw "the native gypsies in the barrio".
See, the funny thing about "gypsies" is that they are typically of Mediterannean or Eastern European origin. There may well be gypsies who have since migrated to South America, but this dumbass didn't know that; he simply assumed that "gypsy" is synonymous with "brown person", and that by celebrating said brown persons in their colorful destitution, he was thereby giving themselves an enormous pat on the back.
In the second, you can change spelling to add effect to a story. See the almost incomprehensible carnival master in Dicken's Hard Times, or O'Brian's substitution of "vittles" with "wittles" to capture the captain's steward's particular flavor of British accent. That say, what is the point of adding three e's to 'hey'? To show that the character was *really saying the word 'hey'?
In the third, I'd advise using words like Bruce Lee uses movements; conserve them for the utmost effect. Don't use three syllables when you can viably get by with one.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-09-19 15:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck yourself in the ass, bubba-pedo-willartstorg.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-09-19 14:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Iddqd, your writing has the stench of pure fecal matter. You consider youself better than Kaos, I consider you worse than Sico, Sage, and Shlongy rolled into one. In short, you suck.
Just stop.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-19 12:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-09-19 02:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Serious business, this website.
---
come on, phallic, youre smarter than that. at no point did i say that or infer it. all i said was - and i think its a fair enough thing to say - 'its a shame this site is so dead now.'
and it IS a shame, there are still some very interesting people getting around on it, it sucks that none of us can be fucked to actually engage like we used to - whether it was for drama or for a serious writers forum or whatthefuckever, the site had something - a few different 'things' over different time periods - and now it doesnt really have anything at all.
the trite 'the internet is srs bznss' comments are just redundant. some of what makes the internet tops is the stupid little communities that form. this was one such, and it is drying out like some primordial puddle, the semi-evolved creatures in it left to gasp out a few last breaths before consigning their DNA strands to the void for eternity.
my god, the drama.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-19 12:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-19 08:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and kaos, id like to say again: as ordinary as this is, this is about on the quality scale of the best thing you can or ever will do - read up on it again, you might learn something.
______________________________________________________
My god, do you actually believe this? Your arrogance is astounding.
---
actually, yeah - i do believe this. but it has nothing to do with my arrogance, which i assure you is hefty. it has more to do with your crapness.
youre a bad writer. hence, even the most mediocre of my mediocrity constitutes a shining firmament of literary genius in comparison to your total dross.
youre also a leech on your particular countries' society. in mine, youd just be another arts student, but probably slightly more successful due to better government handouts.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-09-19 12:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha. I have moments like this all the time. My girlfriend looks at me like I'm nuts when I talk to complete strangers. Minus the Mexican part. Our Mexicans are pretty reclusive.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-09-19 09:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Think of the pain we're now in for attempting to read this piece of shit.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-19 08:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and kaos, id like to say again: as ordinary as this is, this is about on the quality scale of the best thing you can or ever will do - read up on it again, you might learn something.
______________________________________________________
My god, do you actually believe this? Your arrogance is astounding.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-09-19 06:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a pretentious douchebag and I hate your stinking guts. You are the scum between my toes, you make me sick.
Nah I love you and this isn't as bad as some shit you have posted lately.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-09-19 02:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Serious business, this website.
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The U.S. mexicans are swimming your way. They should be there in a few years.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-18 17:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
* Just because you can fit webese into a story doesn't mean you should. It may seem cool now, but in ten years it will be like referencing NIN, Kurt Cobain, or Crow comic books.
* Even pedestrian dialogue can feel pretentious and contrived when you use words like 'interloper' and 'interjected'.
* There is one "e" in "hey".
* His name is Roberto. Is there any point to specifying that he's Mexican?
---
1. i dont actually see where i put 'webese' into the story. i may well have, i just didnt intend and cant see it.
2. maybe those words are there for that reason...
3. i understand that, one can change spellings for particular effect, to help get across a point, particularly in dialogue, and particularly in casual pieces like this
4. yeah, there really is. 'mexican' almost seems like a dirty word when yanks use it, yet over here theyre exotic and cool. the funny thing is the mexicans here sort of (whether theyre trying to or not) trade in on the dirty reputation their american amigos have to lend them street cred, when really theyre all upper-middle-class richkids, or how the fuck else could they have come all this way? so really, thats one of the actually interesting points in the story.
---
having read this after sleeping (and i was sorta dreading it), its actually not that bad, its reasonably well written - sure its pretentious, but thats what i think my drunken brain was going for, sort of self-deprecating humour.
i wish id stopped before the last few lines though. they suck balls. pure drunken melodramatic shite.
oh, and kaos, id like to say again: as ordinary as this is, this is about on the quality scale of the best thing you can or ever will do - read up on it again, you might learn something.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 21:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-09-18 16:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought you worked in a university or something.
who do you write for?
are you a kaos_king type writer?
---
no, i write for a small compuyter game development company, developing narratives, characters, settings and providing material for concept art, as well as actual game design. im no novelist (and i doubt i ever will be, its just not suited to me), but i get to sit and make shit up all day.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-09-18 19:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-18 18:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uhhh...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-18 17:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
* Just because you can fit webese into a story doesn't mean you should. It may seem cool now, but in ten years it will be like referencing NIN, Kurt Cobain, or Crow comic books.
* Even pedestrian dialogue can feel pretentious and contrived when you use words like 'interloper' and 'interjected'.
* There is one "e" in "hey".
* His name is Roberto. Is there any point to specifying that he's Mexican?
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-09-18 16:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i do pretentious well. i rock pretentious. its my thing.
though this was deep. and meaningful. note the full stops (thats what we call 'periods' outside the US because 'periods' actually mean something entirely different in the civilised world. i think ive actually made this exact point some other time on this backwater site.) the full stops made the point more meaningful. next im gonna get all indigenous on you.
===========
I think you have confused indigenous with "inbred."
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-09-18 16:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought you worked in a university or something.
who do you write for?
are you a kaos_king type writer?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-18 15:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never considered you a douchebag. A misanthropic, miserable bastard maybe, but never a douchebag. That's Sico's domain.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-09-18 15:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
god this place is dead.
im really kinda sad that this site is close to death
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-09-18 15:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"here in australia, mexicans are not like your US mexicans, theyre exotic and come from nice families, so theyre basically like you and me..."
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I think you're giving yourself too much credit here. I know you're giving me too much.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i actually ripped off a fake indigenous 'myth' today, in writing a descriptiopn for a reveal peice of a town for our artist. i felt very postmodern - ripping off a piece that was a fake attempt by the white 'invaders' of this country to emulate a mythology of the native inhabitants, involving a story about the mythological origin of a rock formation.
the irony is, the native people had no such story, and couldnt give a fuck about three point rocks off a cliff face, until some white cunt made some money out of it, oh shit now we have to have a corroboree and shit about the myth, even though it was them white cunts that the whole myth up anyway. now im actually just racistly rambling - theres been no such cultural issue as far as im aware, i just fint the brazenness of the tourist board simply making up a simple story and passing it off ass 40,000 year old myth to help sell a few chinese-made baubles to be what can only be described as pure irony.
sometimes i love the world. like when bad current affairs shows witch-hunt recently-released paedophiles, and report "(x) has been reported to have a home computer which he may have used to access the internet to possibly access child pornography" (thats almost word for word)
anyway.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i do pretentious well. i rock pretentious. its my thing.
though this was deep. and meaningful. note the full stops (thats what we call 'periods' outside the US because 'periods' actually mean something entirely different in the civilised world. i think ive actually made this exact point some other time on this backwater site.) the full stops made the point more meaningful. next im gonna get all indigenous on you.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
www.aa.org
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's harsh fg.
you didn't even say what colour blouse.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're also a frilly girl's blouse.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What it make you feel better if I called you a massive douchebag?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're a pretentious, poofty twat, not to mention a monumental douchebag of the highest (or lowest--whichever)caliber and this can only be understood by someone just as piss drunk as you were when you wrote it.
j/k
Why don't you try writing screenplays?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 14:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
god this place is dead.
i should have no less than 5 people telling me that im a massive douchebag by now.
im really kinda sad that this site is close to death. i shared a really important moment of my life with it, and its just gonna die.
theres an interesting post.