Hookers will fuck you up. (1976 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.84 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LittleMonster (View user info) at 2009-09-23 11:46:17 EDT
Going back a while now, I used to work and live in Spain. I started off temping for a Swedish finance company and through lack of anyone else rather than talent, got promoted fairly quickly. I ended up managing a team of high earning wankers. When I say managing, I couldn't fire them. I could tell them what they had to do until the cows came home, but if they didn't want to do it I may as well of been asking for a three some with Marilyn and Kennedy. I knew it and so did they. I was a glorified baby sitter. Permanently on call to handle hotel bills and screaming girlfriends. If it had been a good night, I was also the sucker that went and begged them out of gaol. By begging, I mean bribing.
I was paid well and it was fun when everything was on course, there is a buzz to money being made and I was everyones favorite when it came to monthly bonuses. They got more in a monthly bonus than I did in a year sometimes. They were however generous and the kick backs were great. They did everything together those guys and the cities cowered in fear when they went out to party. I ended up going with them more and more on the instruction to keep them out of trouble and get them home in one piece. Easier said than done, but it's amazing how quickly you can defuse situations with breasts.
This was not one of those nights. I got the heads up around lunch time to get my shit together and put on something pretty. It started off harmlessly enough, about 15 of us went for dinner and on to a bar. Being the only woman meant that I got a lot of abuse from girls, but I've never been hit on so much in my life by guys. None of the guys I was out with would have looked at me twice in that way, but they sure as hell got a Bee in the bonnet if any other guy did. After getting asked to leave the second bar and then Nikis Beach, we made it up to one of the more prominent casinos and after losing my monthly salary, they decided China Girl was the place for them.
It's 3:30 am and they want to go to visit some of the more colourful ladies (I'm going to use that term lightly here) in town. Last time some of them went there, two got pretty badly beaten by security, for what I am told was a terrible misunderstanding. I'm really quite drunk by this point and not easily shocked these days and being the one with company account, I was bundled into a taxi. I have mixed feelings about these places, but the madams keep them clean and the security is good. Out there, it's a better idea than picking up something rough from a bar. The other thing that surprised me about these places, was the amount of women that went to them. I made it as clear as I could in garbled spanish, that I was just there for the drink. After a lot of winking and pouting some girls showed us to some sofas.
Some of the guys stayed and drank, some of them drifted off with beautiful sets of legs and boobs. I'm only really paying attention to one of the younger more cocky members of our ill fated party. Charlie was getting in a bit over his head with a scary looking thing, in leather and spiky shoes. He really didn't speak any Spanish at all and was just drunkly smiling and making the odd gurgling noise at her stage whispered suggestions. I wasn't too surprised when she lead him off by the scruff of the neck to another room. We just giggled a bit to each other about what a shock he's going to get when she starts to "paddle him" and "bite his cock until it bleeds".
I sobered up really quickly when the guy who had been sat closest said that.
"She's going to what?!"
Fuck. Charlie is really REALLY not going to like that.
I had a word with management and I got escorted to one of the dark back rooms with a security guard. He knocked and a small exchange was passed between the monster that had charlie and the monster stood beside me. In the end it came down to the fact that he had consented. However, Charlie was quite obviously not enjoying himself, from the whimpered;
"For the love of God and everything precious LittleMonster, GET ME THE FUCK OUT"
The security guard understood that well enough and Charlie was set free. Bruised, battered and a lot of cash lighter. He was safely returned to the bosom of the group, where I suggested calling it a night and taking Charlie home. The other guys said they'd wait for the others and it seemed chilled out enough in there. I helped carry a staggering Charlie out to the taxis.
Here's a tip ladies and gentleman, never EVER give even the impression to a hooker that you are stealing her trade. She will fuck you up. A few of employees of China Girl were outside drumming up some business and making quite a show of it too as I paused for a smoke and to sober up a bit before the car ride home. Banshee wails flooded the car drop off and I was set upon by the dominatrix and a school girl. It's really hard to stop someone from hitting you with a riding crop, cause it fucking hurts. I got my arse handed to me. Before they even let me up for air, it had turned in to a brawl, but I wasn't getting any help from the guys I came with who stood back forlorn with impotence, unwilling to potentially hurt a girl.
Tom and Mike dove in to try and break it up and Mike got the nastiest black eye from this girl I have ever seen. After that he dropped the school girl like a stone without thinking twice about it. Things broke pretty quickly after that and the hookers left me lying stunned and bitterly spitting blood on to the curb side. Security told us to get the fuck out of there and we crawled into the taxis to get home, already trying to get the story straight for work on Monday.
That was the first time I got hit by a hooker. Though I steered well clear of those kind of places after that, it was sadly not the last.
User Reviews
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh littlemonster the whoremonger, why would you do something like that? those girls work too hard for the money to have a little business type take it from them.
damn good advice.
like don't take a sleeping pill and a laxitive simultaneously.
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2009-10-01 15:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT A THOROUGHLY SMASHING YOUNG LADY!!
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2009-09-30 05:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-28 07:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good bye?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-09-28 05:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*gulp*
goodbye LM
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-09-28 05:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im just about to copy and paste this to read in word, I wonder how many other people do this. hmmm.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-09-28 04:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-09-24 09:55:04 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mike went from gay to awesome in one punch. Brilliant.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-09-25 23:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-09-24 23:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hookers, dude...
hardcore.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-09-24 19:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-09-24 17:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Omigod, so hilarious! "He dropped the schoolgirl like a stone", ROFL!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-24 10:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-09-24 10:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Smallbeast - You are a favourite of mine.
But it's no "dude upstairs"
_______
Fuck no! That guy made me sign up to this place.
I'm keeping that name though.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-09-24 10:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Smallbeast - You are a favourite of mine.
But it's no "dude upstairs"
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-09-24 10:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh Hookers. I considered it once but then thought better of it and decided it was much more honest just to get a woman drunk by means of paying for it, of course that doesnt always work either so i guess i may still be the mug here.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-09-24 07:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
District 9
Bronson
Let The Right One In
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-09-24 06:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Leg.
End.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-09-24 05:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hurty are you still about?
Suggest some good films for me to download I am at a loose end
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-09-24 04:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mike went from gay to awesome in one punch. Brilliant.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-09-24 04:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your life is crazy
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-09-24 01:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would rather my husband slept with a prostitute over an affair.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2009-09-23 22:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guy on girl, *girl on girl, fuckin donkey punch the cunts and be done with it.
*69-ing, your tongue might get twisted.
Regardless of the physics and Mandelbrot equations, this post kicked like a slapped baby. Not that I condone such a thing, I got dinner burning so give me some elbow room here.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-09-23 21:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're fantastic.
Submitted by QASIMARA (user info) at 2009-09-23 21:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So that's how the guide feels.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-09-23 20:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quality post. everyone, take notice. and, visit my post which is now off the front page.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/123322
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-23 18:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-09-23 18:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I wasn't married already I'd propose.
_______
I'm running out of places to hide bodies, but I'm sure I can take care of her for you.
*bats eyelashes*
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-09-23 18:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I wasn't married already I'd propose.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-09-23 17:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-09-23 17:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-09-23 16:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
righto
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-09-23 16:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor charlie, he didn't even agree to a safe word before he got started
wait-a-minute....i don't know anything about that sorta stuff
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-23 15:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
zing!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-09-23 15:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
S'truth. They will.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-23 15:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be friends with a hooker. At least I'm pretty sure she was a hooker. I was the only one in high school who'd never slept with her (including some of the girls), and had to keep telling her to put on real clothes before I drove her places.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-23 13:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SWINE FLU FUCKER!
It's man flu, but for pussies.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-09-23 13:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck do you think you are? Taking back Uber or something?
It's 'flu isn't it? You've got 'flu, you're bored and probably having all sorts of horrendous experiences in the toilet.
I did a post about 'flu. Bottom line kiddo, men have it worse.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one time a hooker chucked her beer at me in Amsterdam because she thought I was laughing at her
to be fair she looked like a monstrous beast of a woman, all tree trunks and moustaches, and she had a fair throwing arm too
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WASN'T
For fucks sake.....
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellente.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was so much aimed as obvious humor. I just haven't written anything in ages, got a bit of free time, so thought I'd doodle down some of my more colourful memories.
Starting to at least read through stuff once before I put it up. Sorry if it's costing my my edge :(
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't think this was as half as funny as the last post and the last lines made me smile so +1.
I'd have prefered boobies.
Either you found spellcheck or you have an excellent proofreader, I only noticed three some instead of threesome. Bravo but I thought the errors were part of your charm, that and boobies.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I guess. Here in Yankland, the only experience with prostitution I've had is the victimized women. Just has made me hostile to the whole idea of prostitution even though I know other cultures have a different take on it. Seeing severely beaten and viciously raped prostitutes will do that to you.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Question: Is prostitution legal in Spain?
Answer: Despite some pages claiming that prostitution is legal in Spain, the truth is that prostitution exists in a legal vacuum. Sex workers are not penalized, instead the pimps are the ones who are punished. With 90% of prostitutes in Spain said to be illegal immigrants, brought into Spain through illegal human trafficking, the circumstances of many prostitutes leave them in legal limbo.
Men who use prostitutes are not currently punished for their actions, though there are moves for prostitute users to be targeted (see this Expatica.com article).
Brothels have been illegal since 1956 (according to worldsexguide.org), but the vast majority of brothels are loosely disguised as whiskerías or 'clubs' and are left to function as normal. On the other hand, prostitutes are able to practice their trade freely and advertise frequently in the 'Relax' section of the classifieds in newspapers and magazines written in thinly veiled sexual jargon.
Prostitution in Spain doesn't have the stigma that it has in other countries. According to another Expatica.com article for the Spanish, going with a prostitute "damages a marriage far less than an affair." In a recent survey, it was found that one in four Spanish men has paid for sex.
However, prostitution in Spain is not the regulated wholesome affair that it is in, say, Holland and prostitutes in Spain should be avoided. Many double up as pickpockets, especially in busy areas like Gran Via in Madrid and Las Ramblas in Barcelona. So keep well away.
(http://gospain.about.com/od/sexinspain/f/prostitution.htm)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-09-23 12:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Different way of doing things out there. It's firmly entrenched into the culture. I refused to be party to that kind thing again, but *shrugs* I'm not going to judge anyone else. Well.....only a little bit.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-23 11:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yuck. I would have told those guys they were on their own. Brothels? Seriously? And the employer winked at their behavior(s)? Yeesh.