GRUEBERFEST 09: The Ghey Ghoul (1023 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0.6 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2009-10-05 11:13:46 EDT
"I knew Ambercrombie and Fitch had drug tests," said Taylor, adjusting the pull of his fleece hoodie against the autumn chill, "but I didn't know they had annual Halloween initiations."
"Yes," said Billy Exposition, reading from the wrinkled flier he'd tucked away in his loose-fitting cargo pants. "It will be hosted at the abandoned proctology clinic on the hill by the at the edge of town."
"That place is spooky," said Taylor. "I heard it was haunted."
"You know the story," said Billy. "There was an outbreak of Montazuma's Revenge when Martin Luther King was trying to free the slaves during the Revolutionary War. President Lincoln had the proctology clinic built so that the troops, already demoralized by Pearl Harbor, wouldn't have to listen to the incessant moans and flatulence of its victims. Over a thousand brave buffalo soldiers died up on that hill. Also, it was built by cultists on Friday the Thirteenth on top of a Mormon cemetery."
"I hope you boys will be coming," said Zack, who passed by just then in his vintage muscle fit longsleeve. "I'll be doing the deejaying myself and plan to play beaucoup de Abba and Erasure."
"Gee," said Taylor, "with his wavy blonde hair and chiseled butt chin, that Zack sure is dreamy."
"Don't even think of it." Said Billy. "You know he's with Isaac Douche, who is not only heir to the Douche fortune, but also an amazingly major douche."
As if to punctuate Billy Exposition's exposition, Isaac bitchcakes slapped up the strip mall quad in his classic rubber treads and grabbed Zack's arm. Just then, Taylor wished he could be fucking Zack right up the ass, but he was a good boy and a virgin and didn't say so.
"I don't think I should go to the initiation," Taylor said between mouthfuls of cottage cheese and sour cream-coated banana; his mother's specialty. "I have homework to do, and also I seem to remember something in my backstory about my dad."
"Oh now Taylor, it's time to stop worrying abou that," said his mother. "You go and have fun at your initiation. It says here that fetish sportswear is a requirement, so I would go slip into your soccer shorts and nipple-pinching louge vest right away!"
The haunted proctology clinic was sure spooky at night, Taylor thought as the wind whistled through the weeping willows. Just then he farted. It might have been foreshadowing, or it may have just been all that cottage cheese.
Things were crazy inside. There was a disco ball, and laser lights and it was all batshit crazy like a crazy homosexual rave. Zack was deejaying in his sexiest raquetball leg warmers, and Billy Exposition was all dolled up as a catcher.
Just then there boomed a highly digitized voice from high in the proctology clinic's lofty cieling. "DOCTOR FOSTER WENT TO GLOUCESTER IN A SHOWER OF RAIN. HE STEPPED IN A PUDDLE RIGHT UP TO HIS MIDDLE AND NEVER WENT THERE AGAIN BAHAHA!"
"Oo!" Said Billy, "A nursery rhyme that is unsettling because of its context in a horror story!!"
Taylor was just about to say he'd never actually heard that one as a child when the spooky voice piped up again. "ALRIGHT, AMBERCROMBIE AND BITCH BITCHES, IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO UNDERGO YOUR INITIATION, MUAHAHAHA. IT IS SAID THAT DOCTOR LICHTENSTEIN, WHO RAN THIS CLINIC, HAD FIVE SOLID GOLD ENEMAS, BAHAHA. YOU WILL EACH SPLIT UP INTO GROUPS OF TWO AND SEARCH THE GROUNDS. WHOEVER FINDS THEM --AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE-- GET TO BE A LAZY ASSHOLE IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS. ANYONE ELSE WILL HAVE TO SANITIZE THE DRESSING ROOMS OR BE DEAD. BAHAHAHA!"
"Doctor Lichtenstein..." Taylor murmured. He was remembering something in his backstory just then. Something about his father coming home with a porking cone shoved up his ass. Something about the legend of "They Ghey Ghoul".
"Come on Tay, let's go!" Said Billy. They walked up some spooky metal steps that clanged ominously as they went. There were some spider webs, and spooky calliope music playing in the background. Just then there was a metallic clink, a stifled cry, and something firm and supple rolled down the stairs and landed far below with a fatal splort.
"That was Justin's butt!" Said Billy.
"That could have been anyone's butt." Said Taylor.
"No, it was Justin's," said Billy. "I recognize the burn mark I put on there with my cigarette when we were having a three-way with Zack."
Taylor was just about to ask Billy about this, as he always thought his lifelong friend was a goody-goody virgin just as he was, when the creepy modulated voice boomed overhead, "THREE LITTLE MAIDS FROM SCHOOL ARE WE," said the booming modulated voice.
"I wonder who that is!" Said Taylor. "It sounds so familiar."
"FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH GIRLISH GLEEE-EEEEEE!"
"Wait, a minute," said Billy, "people can't survive butt loss!"
"THREE LITTLE MAAAAAIDS FROM SCHOOL -- ONE OF WHOM IS NOW DEAD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"OH, THAT CINCHES IT!" Cried Billy, "JUSTIN IS DEAD, TAYLOR!"
"Huh," said Taylor. Just then he had a memory. Yes, his father had returned that dark night from the proctology clinic, where he was investigating as a paranormal investigator. He came home with a porking cone shoved up his ass ranting about a ghey ghoul. He died from fatal stimulation of the prostate.
"LET'S GO!" Billy grabbed Tay-Tay's hand and they clanged down the stairs. "OH NO! THE DOOR IS LOCKED! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY OTHER THAN THAT MODULATED VOICE PLEASE GIVE ME A CROWBAR OR SOMETHING!"
"BAHAHAHAHAHA!" Said the voice just then, "TWO LITTLE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED! ONE FELL DOWN AND IT WAS DEAD! BAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"ONE FELL DOWN?? WHAT'S THAT MEAN?" Cried Billy. Just then there was a metallic 'tink' noice, and Billy noticed that the floor had suddenly been replaced by a bottomless pit filled with snakes and poison gas. "NOOOOOOOOOES!" he cried, falling to his eventual death.
"THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO HAVE A HOT THREE-WAY WITH MY ZACKYPOO, MOOHOOHOO!" Boomed the voice.
"Who could that be?" Said Taylor. "It seems like I should be able to figure this out at this juncture. Oh well, this is probably all fake. Billy was in on the initiation and Justin was too. I should go find that enema as I hate doing work."
He climbed back up the stairs, trying hard to ignore the blood and poo stains, which were probably cherry sauce and peanut butter ice cream anyway he told himself, and just then met Zack.
"Hey Tay-Tay," Zack said, "I just lost my partner Justin somewhere. Do you want to be my new partner?"
"DO I!"
"Ok, let's celebrate by going into that room there and taking off our clothes!"
"OK!"
He was just about to slip off his underoos when he remembered seeing Isaac Douche in the A&F break room at once, reading a "Voice Modulation Enthusiast" magazine. Yes, come to think of it, he also liked to come on to the store intercom in a voice just like the creepy modulated one they kept hearing, and read nursery rhymes to scare children. Oh, and he did like to rig elaborate and expensive booby traps and kill fat people and muslims. Taylor had never paid it much mind, as it was all part of the A&F code.
"NO!" Taylor cried, "DON'T TAKE OFF THOSE VINTAGE AMBERCROMBIE WASH ATHLETIC PANTS!!!"
But Zack had already done so. There was a metallic 'tink' noise as the boobytrap sprung, and a tarantula bit Zack in the cullonés.
"He's dead!" Cried Taylor, checking his pulse.
"TWO LITTLE NATIVE AMERICANS WERE HAVING SOME FUN!", The booming voice said. "ONE GOT BIT IN THE CROTCH BY A TARANTULA AND THEN THERE WAS ONE! RWAHAHAHA!"
"That's not even a children's rhyme, Isaac Douche!"
"SO YOU KNOW WHO I AM NOW?"
"Yes!"
"WOW. WELL, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER, BECAUSE YOU'LL DIE ANYWAY!"
"That's true," said Taylor, "I mean, you've got all the boobytraps, and I'm pretty much a sitting duck, and if I stay still I guess you can just shoot me or something.... got to think! By this point in the story, I've probably got all the clues I need... so let's see, porking cone up the ass, Doctor Foster.... hmmm, Doctor Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain... he stepped in a puddle and sank up to his middle... THAT'S IT! WATER WILL SHORT OUT THE ELECTRONICS!"
He took a tube of astroglide from Zack's dead hand and sprayed it all over the wires and transformers and shit.
"NOOOOOooOOOooooo!" Cried Isaac, appearing just then behind a cleverly hidden deejay box. "You shorted out all my electronics and shit, you utter douche!"
"You're the douche!" Taylor said with more than a hint of triumph. "And it appears I have apprehended the Ghey Ghoul who killed my father."
"What are you talking about?" Said Isaac. "I'm not the Ghey Ghoul."
"I'M THE GHEY GHOUL!" Said a spooky voice behind them.
"OMG!" Said Isaac.
"That's a nice trick, Isaac." Said Taylor, "It appeas you have more hidden electronics I was not awaare about!"
"NO, YOU FAGGOT!" Isaac cried as a misty form materialized behind them. "IT'S THE REAL THING! IT'S THE GHEY GHOUL! OH THE IRONY!" He ran, but it was too late. He tripped over one of his many trip wires and was cut in twain by the banister as he fell down the stairs. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAIEIEEIIIIEIIEIIEIIEIIEIEEEEEEOHNOITHURTSAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWAAOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOWOOWOWWOOWOWOSUNOFAFUCKINGBIRCHGWAAAAAAAAAAAOOOORGHSCHLOOOOP!"
"You killed my father!" Cried Taylor, turning on his heels.
"Yeth!" Said the ghostly pink form.
"Don't have sex with me!"
"What??"
"Don't anally rape me with your ectoplasmic member! I'm a virgin and am saving myself for Kanye West!"
"Why would you think I'd want to have thex with you??"
"Because, you know, you're the GHEY GHOUL and such."
"Young man, in my time, GHEY meant HAPPY. All the straight men were GHEY."
"Oh!"
"So I won't have thex with you, but this being a proctology clinic, I will ram a porking cone up your anus!"
"Oh dear!"
"I've got him, son!" Cried the ghost of Taylor's dad, materializing just then to grapple with the Ghey Ghoul. "Run!"
The building began to rumble as Taylor took the stairs two at a time, and bits of the vaulted cieling were begining to come down as he ran into the foyer. He could just see cracks of dawn through the windows as he forced the door open, and as he ran out on to the hill, the building was sucked in on itself like a wad of paper being crumpled and then eaten by some kid in study hall.
"Well," Taylor said, "I guess I'll just have to work at the Gap."
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't anally rape me with your ectoplasmic member! I'm a virgin and am saving myself for Kanye West!"
~~~~~
Oh well now!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 17:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should make a post just so people are sure you aren't McCallum. Uber's a trusting lot.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 17:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never said you were McCallum. I said you were "Bubba", and I'm perfectly cool playing along.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-07 14:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's all have a sing along!
I just down from the Isle of Skye
I'm no very big but I'm awful shy
All the lassies shout as I walk by,
"Donald, Where's Your Trousers?"
Let the wind blow high and the wind blow low
Through the streets in my kilt I go
All the lassies cry, "Hello!
Donald, where's your trousers?"
I went to a fancy ball
It was slippery in the hall
I was afeared that I may fall
Because I nay had on trousers
I went down to London town
To have a little fun in the underground
All the Ladies turned their heads around, saying,
"Donald, where's your trousers?"
The lassies love me every one
But they must catch me if they can
You canna put the breeks on a highland man, saying,
"Donald, where's your trousers?"
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 14:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not McCallum, you dipshit suckboy. I'm too old.
GOT IT NOW, ASSWIPE?????
:)
:D
:/
<need anymore?>
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hello Jack lol
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You certainly showed up fast.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a minute, do you seriously think I'm willardstorg? What a fucking moron.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I forget, am I supposed to pretend you're "Bubba" still, or are we through with that?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Mr. "Publicated" Author.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 00:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 21:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any moron with half a brain can string a few words together and throw a pitch a few original ideas into Freytag's formula.
==================
But you fail at it. . .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not as bad as you do, Mr. Xlibris.
===
The proper adverb is 'badly', you uneducated young twit.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-10-07 04:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's your GRUEBERFEST: this place is a ghost town, "oooooooooo". Cheesy, yes, but is it this cheesy?:
What kind of idiot would find this scary? It's like TAPS with the tag: this is fiction, don't be scared. Jeezus! I had a friend who told me she thought The Blair Witch Progect was real and she added: ("we were on acid"). We bare-knuckled fought after that and I body slammed her.
ms cakes
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That movie was SO haunted, the DVD personally bit Steven Spielberg right in the ass http://io9.com/5364347/spielberg-adds-to-paranormal-activity-scare
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 00:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 21:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any moron with half a brain can string a few words together and throw a pitch a few original ideas into Freytag's formula.
==================
But you fail at it. . .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not as bad as you do, Mr. Xlibris.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-07 11:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Joey G, thanks for that, man. I appreciate it. And I'm not joking when I say I am looking forward to your story. You've done some VERY entertaining stuff.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-10-07 06:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I re-read, slower.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-07 05:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-10-07 04:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's your GRUEBERFEST: this place is a ghost town, "oooooooooo". Cheesy, yes, but is it this cheesy?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_UxLEqd074
What kind of idiot would find this scary? It's like TAPS with the tag: this is fiction, don't be scared. Jeezus! I had a friend who told me she thought The Blair Witch Progect was real and she added: ("we were on acid"). We bare-knuckled fought after that and I body slammed her.
ms cakes
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-10-07 01:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Icky and Bubba sit'n in a tree F-I-S-T-I-N-G !
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 00:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 21:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any moron with half a brain can string a few words together and throw a pitch a few original ideas into Freytag's formula.
==================
But you fail at it. . .
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-06 22:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 21:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And when he's not overcompensating... or using his fiction as an excuse to spout his extremist political/social views... or laying the contrived authorial voice on so thick he sounds like a cross between John Wayne, Sean Connery, and a penis in a ten-gallon hat... or claiming to be a 'published' author.
Any moron with half a brain can string a few words together and throw a pitch a few original ideas into Freytag's formula.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-06 18:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-06 00:33:55 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is all about teh ghey. Aren't you going up against Jack (and his alters) this round?
---
i'm sure jack will do very well in this contest. nobody here would hold his racism and sexism and homophobia against him or unfairly rate his 'work' just to see him explode.
-----
Well played.
---------------
Cynacism aside, Jack has probably produced some of the best fictional pieces this site has ever seen. California Hollow was one of the first posts I ever read in full, and there's only been a few fiction posts since then that match the calibre.
I know most people hate him, but the guy can write the shit out of other users on this site when he wants to.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 09:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not an underage transexual. This goes completely against your established "type".
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-06 08:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just refer to us as lovers and I'll un-bunch them.
Out one!111on111!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 08:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't get your manties in a bunch.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-06 08:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I assure you that I don't have to hide behind an alter to drop the "oh no!" -2 on your post. And, even if that was me, I thought we were more than just buddies.
Submitted by linguafranca (user info) at 2009-10-05 23:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-10-05 23:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too much gay.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 22:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Inability to make funny -- check
Quasi-Brokeback infatuation with McCallum -- check
Dumb smileys -- check
All signs point to Bubba.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-05 22:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ask around. I'm Horse87, Harmon, CharletonHeston, Shlongy, Scourge, and Lungfish. You stupid ass.
:D
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 22:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Willarstorg Bubba or McCallum? I forget.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-05 20:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the best sort of lunatic. You know the ones who find a creative outlet for their nut-whakery, instead of chopping up Nanna and Mom and the twins with an axe.
The worst sort of lunatic are the ones who wander the streets muttering to themselves, chain smoking ciggies and they always have creepy eyes. How can anyone who has seen a mentals eyes not believe in a soul? Fuck they creep me out.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-05 20:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 20:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You mean like pointing out that Xlibris is to the world of writing what Youtube is to the world of serious filmmaking? You're right. I'm sure no one will.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is all about teh ghey. Aren't you going up against Jack (and his alters) this round?
---
i'm sure jack will do very well in this contest. nobody here would hold his racism and sexism and homophobia against him or unfairly rate his 'work' just to see him explode.
-----
Well played.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also, tl;dr
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-05 19:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is all about teh ghey. Aren't you going up against Jack (and his alters) this round?
---
i'm sure jack will do very well in this contest. nobody here would hold his racism and sexism and homophobia against him or unfairly rate his 'work' just to see him explode.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is all about teh ghey. Aren't you going up against Jack (and his alters) this round?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 22:13:29 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Literary advice from McCallum is a lot like acting tips from Gary Coleman.
--------------
This reminded me of that song from Avenue Q
"I'm gary coleman, from t.v's different strokes,
I made a lot of money that got stolen by my folks,
But now I'm broke, and I'm the........"
sorry.
I kinda went teh ghey there.
I'll just go and listen to Starlight Express on my MP3 player.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles would be more like Chris Crocker.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 17:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Literary advice from McCallum is a lot like acting tips from Gary Coleman.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-05 16:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*realizes he is in agreement with Doodles and shakes head*
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tl;dr
i'm sure it was your regular standard of tries-too-hard though
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
BUT WHOM KILLED HIM AND WHY
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Simon! What's up, buddy?
Submitted by Awesome (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awesome!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-05 15:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He was a nice fellow. Just homeschooled until he hit college, so he didn't know that windmilling his arms whilst describing a film scared the hell out of most girls.
And 19 year old virgins aren't exactly for subtlety. They're also not for uncrossing their legs without your clearly understanding that it's tantamount to a marriage contract.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Ducky was sweet. Just a little over anxious and socially awkward.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheers to subtlety!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, she was being actively pursued by a Ducky-esque fellow who was really into some dumb French film called "Emily". He was in the film club, which I ran, so I didn't pay her much heed until she rigged her rolling backpack to explode when I walked by, and enlisted my help to pick up her books. Then she kept finding reasons for me to walk her to her car, and eventually give me her email address.
At which point she told me she was in the market for a boyfriend.
But, you know, no getting fresh and holding hands or anything on the first date.
It was around the time she tricked me into cupping her boob that I figured out she was actually interested.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet the first time you two met, she shot you a Ringwald-esque whithering gaze and it was love at first sight.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Downright HOT you mean! She also has the body to pull a mean Jessica Rabbit.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It really is uncanny how much she looks like Ms. Ringwald. Spooky even.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Other than the time my hot redhead wife offered to put on the Pretty in Pink outfit, shove me up against the lockers we have installed in our bedroom and shout obscenities.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you're weird, I think you're creative.
The most creative person I know, not you Icarus I don't know you nor do I think your as creative as this guy, is drug free.
He's experienced though.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-05 12:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/123400#2935465
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-05 11:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just think kids, Iccy here is completely drug free. All this weirdness is 100% straight edge.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-05 11:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS - FUCK YOUR RULES, MAN.