Grueberfest 09 Rd.3. The Stripper. (819 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.39 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TuTs (View user info) at 2009-10-21 10:37:59 EDT
She woke up; the first thing she noticed was that she couldn't move her arms from above her head.
Her feet were also held tight, flat on the floor, by what felt like chains and the air prickled her skin, letting her know she was naked. She realised that like Prometheus she was held with her whole body open and vulnerable, waiting for the eagles to come and pluck out her innards. Wherever she was, it was dark and smelt like cold, was cold. There were scrabbling noises coming from somewhere behind her. She hoped they weren't rats. When she was a kid they lived in an old farm house and rats would run through the roof at night, making clicking noises with their scaly claws.
Sometimes they would fight and scream as they sank their fangs into each other. Night was also when he would visit her. After he had finished pounding her mother into submission or her mother had become comatose from the bottles she kept hidden through the house. He would come stalking down the hallway to her room, as creepy as the rats in the roof, however infinitely more dangerous. While he did what he insisted, she made him do, she would listen to the rats, whispering parts of the Lord's Prayer to herself and then he would be done.
The scrabbling noises got louder and were soon joined by the noise of metal on metal. Scrape, scrape, scrape. The same noise her father had made when sharpening his knife ready to butcher a lamb. She realised that she was now the lamb again, as she had always been and as the noise got louder she began to pray. She hadn't gone to church much, now she was older, but she still remembered the Lord's Prayer.
"Save us from the time of trial and deliver us from evil," she whispered to herself.
Over and over again it became a litany holding her fear just at bay. Her panic was rising and she was reaching the point where soon she would be frozen, yet if she just repeated this over and over it could be okay. She tried to ignore her open legs that exposed her most vulnerable areas and made her feel even more uneasy.
Of course when she was stripping her body was uncovered and exposed. It was different though, when she was dancing because she was in control. She chose when to take it off, show it off and if anyone made her feel uncomfortable with a quick nod to the bouncer, she was safe. A bouncer would be mighty handy right now, especially because her wrists were starting to hurt, while the blood in her arms was beginning to pool and throb.
Suddenly overhead lights came on, she squinted trying to block the light from her eyes and give them some time to adjust. While her eyes were closed, she heard footsteps and felt warm breath on her face.
"Open your eyes Hannah," a voice said.
"No," Hannah sobbed, she then felt what must be a knife run along her side, down her long dancers legs and back up to her side again.
"Open your eyes Hannah," the voice repeated.
"No, fuck you," Hannah sobbed.
Swiftly a sharp pain went into Hannah's hip, her eyes flew open and she came face to face with a black hood. Other then the hood he was naked and hard. Peering out of two holes, were a pair of cold grey eyes. Her line of sight followed a thick arm, down to a large hand holding a butchers boning knife. The knife had opened the skin on her hip; her blood flowed down her leg bright, warm and red. It was burning with pain, but wasn't very deep.
"Hello Hannah," the man said. "We have a very long day ahead of us, so I am going to give you a few rules. Before I do though I am going to remove this knife and patch you up. Now be a good girl and keep nice and quiet and I won't hurt you again, okay?"
Hannah was a stripper and like all good strippers had a finely honed sense of self preservation. A lot of the girls who went into the profession had been abused either sexually or physically and knew that if a man with a knife told you to stay still, you stayed still. That is until you found a way to get the fuck out of there, but as long as her hands were chained, that was going to be hard.
He was fiddling around at her side, there was a sharp sting and the smell of antiseptic, then he put a dressing over the top of her wound and the sting began to subside. He came face to face with her again and raised his finger to her face. It was covered with her blood and he licked the blood off his finger like a child savouring a lolly.
"Now Hannah, my Hannah, I am going to let you down in a moment, but first we are going to have some fun. While you're all open and ready for me. Be a good girl, let me have some fun and I will let you down, okay?"
He ran his fingers from her breasts down to her stomach, down her legs and back up again. With a sharp sting he shoved them roughly inside her and pulled them out again. He lifted them to her face and tried to force open her mouth. She kept her lips firmly pressed together. Resulting in a sharp slap across her face, this time when he presented his fingers she let them in.
Feeling rebellious though she bit down hard on his fingers, drawing blood. Instead of a slap this time with a roar of pain from her torturer she got punched in the head, again, again and again. Her ears ringing, her eyes stinging and her nose dripping with blood she let go.
"Fucking cunt, fucking bitch, stupid fucking whore," he yelled into her face. "Right, fuck you. Looks like you need a little more time down here, I will come back when you can behave and you will behave."
The hooded man walked to the light switch doused the light in the room, opened the wooden door and walked out, leaving Hannah alone in the dark. She thought about her life and the things that had bought her to this room, before the pounding in her head and the whooshing in her ears lulled her into unconsciousness. Hannah woke up groggy, her arms were on fire, her head was on fire and her hip was burning.
She needed to get her arms out of the chains, but didn't know how. The darkness was also frightening and her breathing got ragged. Panicked she attempted to pull her wrists out of the chains, all that resulted in was noise of the chains and her cries of pain. The skin on her wrists had been pulled away and fresh blood was tickling down her arm. As if answering her cries, the door opened and her hooded captor turned on the light.
"Hannah, Hannah," he said. "What are you doing to yourself? Getting all worked up. Calm down girly, how can we have fun together if you're all upset and broken?"
"Why the fuck are you calling me Hannah for you lunatic, my fucking name is Sarah," she half screamed, half sobbed. "Sarah, do you hear me? Please just let me go. I am not Hannah, I am Sarah. Just let me go. Please."
The hooded man moved over to her. Bringing his face close to hers, he lifted his hood away from his mouth and licked her face clean. Sarah continued sobbing; she didn't think she had any energy left.
"Hannah darling," the hooded man said. "I am going to let you down now sweetheart, so we can play.
Then I will let you go. Okay, you be a good girl for me?"
Sarah nodded mutely. Accepting her acquiescence, he walked behind and came back with a key and more importantly a gun. Sarah didn't know what sort it was, but she did know it looked big enough to hurt her.
"You try to run my sweetie, I kill ya, got it?" said the hooded man. "This gun here, it has killed lots of bad girls. You don't want to be the next."
With that, he reached up and unlocked her left shackle with one hand. The right one followed soon after. Sarah screamed shrilly, the blood running back into her arms felt like fire. When her feet were unchained she collapsed to the floor. Trying to regain her strength and letting her body rest in the foetal position.
She wasn't allowed to rest for long, dragging her up by her hair. The hooded man pulled her to the back of the room, to a long metal table, arranged neatly on another table at the head, were an array of knives, sharp poking things, spikes and other nasty looking tools. She was told to lay on the table, she did as she was told.
Turning her head to the right she noticed that he had left the door wide open, maybe because of the gun. Again he shackled her, this time spread eagled on the table. He selected his first tool. It was a long metal skewer, with a wickedly pointed end. He began to run it along her stomach, up to her neck. Up and down, down and up. With a shock, he stabbed the point down into her left nipple.
She could feel the blood begin to flow; he bent his head to her nipple and began to suck, greedily, like a baby getting its fill off milk. She looked down and realised with revulsion that he was hard, the purple top of his penis was shining wetly, while he continued snuffling and gulping at her breast like a pig. Before he was done a banging began at the door. It took a moment for him to realise, but when he did he immediately lost his erection.
"Don't you fucking move," he hissed at Sarah.
Like she could actually go somewhere, with a bang he was out the door. She heard him yell something and about a minute later, she could hear muffled voices. The conversation was taking a long time.
Suddenly, clearly Sarah heard someone yell,
"Put the gun down."
That was her cue, she began to scream, long and loud, gasping for air, she screamed again. There was a gunshot, a thud and Sarah was silent. A moment later the door opened. The figure outlined was too tall to be the hooded man and Sarah began to cry with relief. The figure walked over to her, revealing a policeman and he began looking for a way to release her.
"The keys are on the metal tray, I think." Sarah said.
The policeman found the key and undid Sarah's chains. She was crying again and the policeman wrapped a sheet around her that he found on the floor.
"Are you okay?" he said. "It's alright now, your safe now."
He hugged her and patted her back Sarah closed her eyes and pressed her body into his. He hugged her tighter and then stiffened. Sarah's eyes flew open; standing behind them was the man. He was now dressed, without a hood and a bloodstain spreading on his shirt he had stabbed a knife into the cops back.
Sarah pushed the cop from her and tried to run. The non-hooded man grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back, knocking over the tray of tools as he did. He must have been weak from being shot because as she fell back, he fell on top of her. He lifted the knife, ready to stab her in the chest. With a surge of strength Sarah grabbed his arm and rolled so she was straddled on him.
She somehow managed to turn the knife so it pointed at his throat. Their hands shaking, he tried to push the knife away, while she tried to push it in. He must have become really weak because with a delicious sensation the knife entered his throat. His eyes opened wide fixing Sarah with his dying stare, meanwhile his throat gurgled with unspoken words.
She drew the knife out and as she stabbed him again in the chest she thought,
'Fuck you to all those guys who took me out and fucked me and never called the next day'
'Fuck you to the boyfriends who hit me'
'Fuck you Dad for taking advantage of a little girl'
Finally he stopped twitching. He had blood all over him and she could feel his blood on her as well. She lent in close to his ear and whispered,
"Fuck you for thinking that you could kill me, Asshole."
She stood up and lifted her naked foot and kicked him once in the side. Grabbed her sheet off the floor and walked outside.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-26 12:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-24 15:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-24 04:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow three minus twos by alters, I'm actually flattered that you found the need for those. Thanks boys!
;)
--
hahaha. Welcome to the club. I saved you a seat, that comfy old leather one over by the fire. Drinks are on the way, and there may not be a kitchen in this place but they make great toasted sandwiches behind the bar. I'm having cheese & onion with a tall cold pint of lager.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-24 11:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations Ms. TuTs :)
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-24 04:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow three minus twos by alters, I'm actually flattered that you found the need for those. Thanks boys!
;)
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-24 04:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by baby (user info) at 2009-10-23 23:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sure tuts appreciates you two fags cheating out in the open finally.
thanks god you homos can't have babies, because the ass sex offspring of a ginger and a geriatric paedophile hillbilly would be terrifying.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-23 22:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We can all play the game, cunts.
Submitted by baby (user info) at 2009-10-23 21:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's a stripper, miss tuts?
and why are bubba and jack so fucking whiney? cholic? do they need a tit to suckle on? or are they bottle babies? remember, breast milk is best, kids!
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-23 19:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-23 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm, kids, to understand the rating from the paxilliona user, just look at who tuts is paired against. that account is clearly an alter used by jack or bubba.
happened in the last round as well, though not quite as blatantly because jack and joey are 'cool' according to jack.
jack's a fucking cheater.
/discussion.
=============
Yeah, kids, let's discuss. Anyone who votes for Jack must be me or him. Howsabout Pheely giving a string of 1s and 0s? Hmmm??
Fuck you in the ass, Scourge. Just stfu. I have no alters other than this one.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-23 18:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by linguafranca (user info) at 2009-10-23 18:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-23 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm, kids, to understand the rating from the paxilliona user, just look at who tuts is paired against. that account is clearly an alter used by jack or bubba.
happened in the last round as well, though not quite as blatantly because jack and joey are 'cool' according to jack.
jack's a fucking cheater.
/discussion.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-10-22 17:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quite good. I like your writing style.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-22 11:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 05:47:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have seen films with similar plotlines berty, it may have already been done
_________________________________
Zombie Strippers was sort of like this...
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-22 10:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah the ending was written first. Could you tell?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 08:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have seen films with similar plotlines berty, it may have already been done
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-22 08:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pheely, I can't help but think that story would be like a man who ate far too much asparagus; a little hard to swallow.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 08:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoever accused you of writing porn clearly can't read - this didn't excite me one bit :)
i don't write for uber anymore but yes i have had my fair share of critics.
personally, i meant rushed in the sense it needed polish and edit it a few places rather than extension. and i could see the end coming - what would have been really exciting is if her stripper slut buddies had burst in and rode him to a death and then eaten the corpse of the cop and the hoody before all taking part in a massive lesbian orgy.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-22 08:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Angry dungeon porn usually has more penetration and semen involved. In fact I would go so far as to say they are definitive elements of the genre.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-22 07:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 14:43:06 WST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree this seemed rushed and cliched and I would have rated it zero but I don't want another ratings shit storm so have a +1.
ps The idea this is porn is laughable, what a twat.
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Yeah orph, that is criticism I can handle, because I know that when it suits you, you write stuff and take criticism back. A zero is fine- Worth Reading, just to be accused of writing porn when this is so tame, how annoying.
It was rushed too, because it is over 2000 words so I though I should hurry it up. If it was longer I could have made it better.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-22 03:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if THAT...not this.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-22 03:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-21 16:03:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You people don't seem to know the difference between lurid sex and horror. This was OK, but it was porn, not horror. In all, I thought it stunk.
_____________________________________________________
WTF on all levels. I don't want to know what sort of angry dungeon porn you must watch, if this is what you liken this post to.
Also, it's okay, but also stunk?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-22 03:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice! A happy ending!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 02:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(I also think you could have done a lot of different things with what I feel is a great title)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-22 02:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree this seemed rushed and cliched and I would have rated it zero but I don't want another ratings shit storm so have a +1.
ps The idea this is porn is laughable, what a twat.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-10-22 00:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seemed a bit rushed to me.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 22:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gee that is strange alter (paxilliona) because there a 2100 words in this story. In the whole thing there are exactly two sex acts, one where the hooded guy puts his fingers in her and another where he drinks her blood from her nipple. Not once is there an instance of actual sex. The rest of the story is made up of the stripper being trapped in the dark, her thinking about what her father had done to her, some dialogue and the ending where she stabs the guy and gets revenge on all the men that had been pricks to her.
I wouldn't call that porn. Idiot. Yeah question how scary this actually was, but don't accuse me of writing porn because this ain't it.
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-21 19:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You people don't seem to know the difference between lurid sex and horror. This was OK, but it was porn, not horror. In all, I thought it stunk.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-21 17:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-21 16:26:57 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, fuck with a stripper and you get what you deserve.
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Jeez, tell me about it.
Never mind though, that penicillin worked a treat.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-21 16:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-21 14:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, fuck with a stripper and you get what you deserve.
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Truer words have not been spoken.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-21 13:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno. It was repulsive. It was a wee bit disgusting. It was well written. Was it really a horror story, though? Hell, that's a question for the ages. In my mind, it takes a bit more than a hooded psychopath and a spattering of blood to make a horror story. You need to achieve that intangible "creepy" or at least "campy" quality. Camp and rape go together like circus peanutes and honey mustard.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-10-21 12:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've never heard a stripper make reference to Greek myths, and i know a lot of strippers. the ending was cliched and forced too
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i gots it all babies
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, fuck with a stripper and you get what you deserve.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 23:20:15 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah course you would. who wouldnt.
wooo mean my god gene, woooooooooo
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Without quite knowing what I am agreeing to- Sure why not?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah course you would. who wouldnt.
wooo mean my god gene, woooooooooo
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 23:07:49 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, whatever i suggest, ducky wont let me do :(
i know you would!
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Oh, would I?
Fuck I love my own posts, I don't have to worry about ratings. It's brill.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a hug for starters.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, whatever i suggest, ducky wont let me do :(
i know you would!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 08:04:20 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You and that ducky are sick bitches.
_______________________
I think someone needs a hug.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What ya gonna do about it, Mr EI?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You and that ducky are sick bitches.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've enjoyed the other entries though, mostly, and this is no exception. Well done TuTs. Well done indeed.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-21 11:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 07:59:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This comp is turning me into a sicko. :(
________________
Me too. I'm going to be glad when it's over. I'm usually a very light and mostly happy person...I teach little kids for eff's sake...I'm not used to looking for the dark parts in my brain, and writing every entry so far has been a massive challenge for me.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-21 10:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This comp is turning me into a sicko. :(
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-21 10:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A bit of a cliche ending but I really enjoyed it. Who doesn't like getting raped by hooded people?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-10-21 10:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
badass
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-21 10:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cold
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-10-21 10:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot.