Badass Australian Cows (249075 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Australia
Rating: 1.77 on 422 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jkershner00.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-29 10:30:45 EDT
True story.
I was in grad school in Sydney, living on campus. There were two Danish guys in the dorm, Mike and Lasse, who had kept in contact with some Danish girls who were going to another university out in the sticks, around dairy and emu farms. Since I didn't have any family around, and had no money to fly home for the holidays, they were nice enough to invite me to their little Scandanavian Christmas.
Things started out great. I was the only non-Dane in the room, but everyone was so nice, I was really starting to feel welcome. Then they prepared the Gluck.
If you don't know what it is (as I didn't then), let me explain: Gluck is a traditional Danish holiday drink made from hot wine, but there are spices and nuts and rasins and shit in there too. I guess you have to have been raised on it, because I could barely choke it down. But since I was a guest, I did my best to smile and swallow. I drank entirely too much of it. ENTIRELY too much.
Later on that night, after everyone was a bit lopsided, the American bashing started. Not mean spirited, or anything, but needling just the same. You know, things like, "Why do you love war so much?", "Why are Americans so fat?", and "What makes you think cow tipping is so funny?"
I was trying, without much effort or success, to defend myself. I explained that I didn't think cow tipping was particularly funny, and that I had never actually been cow tipping. So of course Mike and Lasse start screaming, "Let's do it! I want to see an American tip a cow! That would be funny as hell!"
I said Fuck no, I'm not tipping a cow, but everyone was really into it, and Mike and Lasse said that they'd go with me and tip as well. In my drunken mindset, it started to make more and more sense to me, so I reluctantly said Okay.
So we went out into a field that has maybe six or seven cows in it, and Goddamn if Mike didn't pick out the fucking biggest cow. He said, "Tip that one. Just walk up to it an push it over." Are you fucking kidding me? The cow must have weighed 500 pounds. There was no way I was going to just push it over. I said as much to Lasse, and he said, "Okay, get a running start."
Well all right...that made much more sense...I got about 50 feet away from the cow and took off. I got up a good head of steam, and ducked my shoulder at the last minute for the best impact. I even aimed high for the best leverage possible.
Lessons learned from that experience:
1. Cows are fucking heavy.
2. Cows are fucking hard as rocks.
3. I am fucking stupid.
I just about fractured my clavicle, and the cow shuffled over about half a step and walked off, leaving my stupid, drunk ass whimpering in the mud. The rest of the cows woke up and sort of wandered off. Mike and Lasse were pissing themselves in laughter. I picked myself up off the ground and resigned myself to taking the walk of shame back into the house.
As we were walking back, we passed a Momma cow and her little calf. I don't know anything about animal husbandry, but I guess the calf was maybe a year old. Cutest little thing. Mike pushed the calf over. He didn't say anything, didn't look to Lasse or myself for approval, just suddenly pushed him over. And started laughing like a lunatic.
The Momma cow freaked out. She gave a scary ass cow scream, which I had never heard before and hope to God in heaven that I never hear again. Jesus Christ, I nearly shit myself. I had no idea that a cow could make a horror-movie scream like that. Then the cow charged. Fuck, you never saw three drunks run like that. Suddenly, I remembered a joke from my childhood. Something about running from a hungry bear: I don't have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.
Lessons learned from that experience:
1. Cows are fucking scary fast.
2. Drunk people can't run.
I was clearly in the lead, running back toward the fence. I hopped nimbly over (har har) and promptly spewed all over myself. Purple fluid, nuts and raisins came shooting out of my mouth like the pie eating contest in "Stand By Me". It was evidently quite spectacular.
Mike came over next, but it was obvious that Lasse wasn't going to make it. I guess he thought he was being chased by a bear, because he decided to fall down and play dead, but it was clear the cow wasn't to be had so easily. She stopped, rolled Lasse over with her nose, and started sniffing him. For a minute I thought his ruse was going work. Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. Then the Momma and baby just walked away. Lasse projectile vomited in a fashion very similar to my own. Mike and I stood there, open-mouthed, disbelieving.
We never spoke of the incident again.
User Reviews
Submitted by lburna_7 (user info) at 2008-11-30 21:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-11-18 07:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still good
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-10-31 11:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, this post is overated
Submitted by angrydrunk86 (user info) at 2008-10-31 10:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
alcohol and cows a winning combination
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-13 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell!
Submitted by Aussie_em (user info) at 2008-06-15 14:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was the first post i ever read on uber. its good
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-15 14:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-26 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by habib23 (user info) at 2008-03-15 20:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cows are very kind animals...
Submitted by Gravity_Purple (user info) at 2008-03-09 23:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rarely laugh out loud. I guess it was more a hearty cackle.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-06 12:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of "Kicker of all ass", insert "Stomper of all nuts"...
Submitted by knowledge13 (user info) at 2008-02-06 12:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL, great story! I wish i was there :/
Submitted by billiam5billion (user info) at 2008-02-05 23:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cows are predictable...humans, not so much. kept me entertained...
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-02-05 23:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+4 For Automatic Australia
-2 For no pic of 'nutstomping' cow
Needs more rape. Top post
Submitted by LazySusan (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin A thats funny
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-21 04:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus dude, I had to stop reading 4 times to catch my breath from laughing so hard!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-04 19:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-31 01:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably the funniest post on Most Viewed.
Submitted by drewlish (user info) at 2007-12-04 18:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My sec. gave me some funny looks because I was laughing so hard. I remember a similar situation when I was in high-school.
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-22 14:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Saw this pop up on MRR, and I can't believe I never rated this...one of the stories that drew me to Uber. Funny shit.
Submitted by pillowcase (user info) at 2007-10-23 20:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This Is SOOOOO Fuckin' Funny!!!!!!!!!!!! I Read This And It Got Me All Warm And Fuzzy In My Pants Just Thinking About Tapping Some Cows *WINK_WINK*
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I never rated this.
Definately in my top 10 posts of all time, easy.
This is greatness right here.
Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-09 10:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-06 12:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i read this ages ago and never rated it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-01 03:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Might as well pay homage.
Kick ass post.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-01 03:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-01 02:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How have I been so foolish as to never have clicked this link in my short time on Uber? My god what a funny fucking story man....
Submitted by smack809 (user info) at 2007-07-27 12:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a fantastic read.
Submitted by brownee (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2007-05-04 13:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by slrman (user info) at 2007-04-24 07:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a lie. There is no such thing as cow tipping. For one thing, cows do not sleep standing up like horses. For another, a cow that is awake is not simply going to stand there and allow itself to be pushed and prodded. Finally, with four feet on the ground, a cow cannot be pushed over like a domino. Use some brains people! That is, those of you that have any.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ur a dumbass yes cows do sleep standing up, and can be tipped. my friends and i once tipped a cow. it tumbled all the way down a big ass hill and broke almost every bone in it's body. (it died after about the second roll.) cows roll quite nicely.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by slrman (user info) at 2007-04-24 07:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a lie. There is no such thing as cow tipping. For one thing, cows do not sleep standing up like horses. For another, a cow that is awake is not simply going to stand there and allow itself to be pushed and prodded. Finally, with four feet on the ground, a cow cannot be pushed over like a domino. Use some brains people! That is, those of you that have any.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-02 04:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so fucking funny I couldn't stop laughing!!!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-01-29 06:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually laughed out loud. Got some funny looks, but it was worth it.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-01-29 00:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still the greatest Ubersite post of all time, IMHO.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-01-24 22:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I~~EEEEE~tahhhh!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGnGh2_I8XQ
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2007-01-24 22:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2007-01-23 20:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i would love to tip a cow...never tried.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-22 15:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lessons learned from that experience:
1. Cows are fucking heavy.
2. Cows are fucking hard as rocks.
3. I am fucking stupid.
Submitted by 501LatinVerbs (user info) at 2007-01-03 15:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe thats gold. i assure you there are no emu farms in australia though
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never got a chance to rate this til now
But I've loved it since forever
Submitted by ununderstood (user info) at 2006-11-30 07:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good work
Submitted by Lizz_Zero (user info) at 2006-11-12 17:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Lasse should get to stomp Mike's nuts.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 00:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3. I am fucking stupid.
Submitted by Whoresteak (user info) at 2006-10-23 09:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack"
Oh deary
Submitted by JediMasterJambi (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sex
Submitted by Saucier86 (user info) at 2006-09-12 14:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this story.... It makes me happy in bad way...
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Laser (user info) at 2006-08-17 11:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just find it funny a Dane pushed a calf over. HA.
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-05 22:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanted to rate this for a long time
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-23 13:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For being an american and not being able to properly tip a cow.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It has a good title though.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Very unfunny. Very much.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I never saw the humor in this. Maybe I'm missing something. This does not deserve MVM, get something like Jonukah's Killing a small child with my ass, or Snark's I was raped by my dyson on this.
ATTN GHEY COWZ.
Submitted by anesvick (user info) at 2006-06-13 21:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, now theres coke all over my monitor! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Sorry bout your friends nuts, but great story!
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-31 10:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i cried
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-05-06 23:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best ever
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.helpwinthisbet.com
Submitted by TimTheBard (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like 'em fast.
Submitted by Nat_Nemcova (user info) at 2006-03-27 16:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious shit! Can't believe I missed this for so long with it being on the MV list and all too......
Submitted by Hexavier (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack."
I laughed enough that everyone is leering at me now.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij
Submitted by psychodude98 (user info) at 2006-03-18 21:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lmao.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-05 13:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never realized that this was your first post.
Submitted by angryrob (user info) at 2006-03-02 12:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks for making me laugh i was about to fall asleep at my desk.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-28 07:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe
Submitted by I_R_Suspect (user info) at 2006-02-28 06:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This had me laughing.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167
Submitted by Gods_Imaginary_Friend (user info) at 2006-02-09 00:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking funny
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-01 05:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2006-01-29 16:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I rated it before but Ill rate it again.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-28 21:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74450
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hurt myself laughing
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's been over 17 years since I last rated this post!
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:43:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why but I've never found this to be very funny.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by boy (user info) at 2005-12-04 03:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dumbass
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-26 09:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary Dairy!
Submitted by YmerSvennson (user info) at 2005-11-23 17:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's called Glögg
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-15 14:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was great. btw cows weigh like 2000lbs so don't feel bad.
Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-31 01:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably the funniest post on Most Viewed.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funniest thing ever
Submitted by Snuffleupagus (user info) at 2005-10-20 23:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She gave a scary ass cow scream"
Just for that^.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-10-15 02:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-09-27 17:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This needs some heat.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by chuckg (user info) at 2005-08-04 18:19:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Udderly hilarious.
-----------------------
bwaaaaa-ahahgahahaha
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're absolutely right, Gazbo. I lived in Basser College at UNSW.
But I called it a dorm because Americans get confused by the word "College" when used in the English manner.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:21:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't believe he did that to a calf.
By the way, I say you're full of shit. I'm aussie, and we don't have "dorms" at our uni's.
=-----------------=-=-=-=-=-=-
He said he was a yank.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What are you talking about, Gazbo? It depends where you go. It must be a pretty small uni not to have residences.
Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't believe he did that to a calf.
By the way, I say you're full of shit. I'm aussie, and we don't have "dorms" at our uni's.
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-09 13:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have wandered around the UBERSITE and this is still the funnest thing going ...
Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFLMAO
Mental note - Never get pissed with Danish guys named Mark and Lasse
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wine for GLUCK = 8 Dollars
Cow = 100 Dollars
Stand by Me on DVD = 12 Dollars 50 Cents
Humans thinking that they are smarter than Cows and then being monkey-stomped Nutsack by a calf ... PRICELESS
I was asked to stop laughing by my workmates ... Great post.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 10:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack."
Submitted by chuckg (user info) at 2005-08-04 18:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Udderly hilarious.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Canadian Mad Cows could take on you crazy auzzie heffers !
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348
...
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, but for a correction, the drink you consumed is Glug. And it gets you really drunk.
Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[garbage deleted by bart]
Submitted by dbhjw (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh until I cried. I'm glad I'm the boss!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass Alabama Cows. The very name strikes fear, no? http://www.ubersite.com/m/51592
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-24 17:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR, RADLEY!
Am I a n00b, you fucking fag?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-13 12:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been at uber almost a year and never read this until today.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-13 05:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking n00bs
you ever see these old beasts on MRR, you know we have been invaded.
Submitted by biggyph00l (user info) at 2005-07-13 05:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... I have never laughed so hard in I dont know how long... that you sooooo much for brightening up my day... I wish they had a plus three just for this...
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-12 04:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily head and shoulders over any humor story post/yarn I've ever read/heard. 'Grats!
Submitted by tasteslikeasunnysky (user info) at 2005-07-09 22:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sean_myung (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao cows really are fast they look really slow n stuff but get one pissed off and theyre like cheetah on speed.
Submitted by Lord_greg (user info) at 2005-07-06 08:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is funny as fuck but whats better than cow tipping is cow racing now that is funny as long as you don't fall off you can race 'em like horses with a cow jockey. this is very fun if your bored in the countryside
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-06-30 03:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this at work, and people were coming up to me making sure I was okay...laughing so hard I was crying...
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-28 17:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First time reading....nothing new to add
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely priceless story! Luved it =)
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-15 14:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read it ages ago but never rated it.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-14 06:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw, wittle baby newbs hatch from their shells and enter the world through a Most reviewed portal. Awwwww....how cute!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-14 06:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can always tell that a n00b was born when you see one of these 10 posts up on MRR.
Submitted by soapXdestruction (user info) at 2005-06-14 05:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious. i had always thought they were really easy to tip too... but yea, now that i think about it, very heavy...
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This has got to be the funniest thing I've ever read on Uber.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
COWS ROCK.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by J4M3S (user info) at 2005-05-16 04:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read this a while ago but forgot to rank it. Here's another +2 for you. I loved this.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-29 05:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd bet my soul that this cow could kick any down-under cow's ass, hooves down: http://www.ubersite.com/m/51592 ++
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-16 22:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i live on a cow farm. cow tippings a myth. they sleep on the ground. i've been mauled by a cow before and know exactly how lasse must of felt. funny shit. well written.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2005-04-14 02:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Am I the only one who thinks this post is good, but not top 10 good?
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-06 23:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i swear I read this a couple times, just never reviewed it..
good stuff
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-06 06:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Australian cows, Danes, nut-stomping and projectile vomit. This post has it all.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-04-06 05:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is the reason I began frequenting this website on a semi-regular basis a couple of years ago. I doubt I will ever be able to entitle another post my favorite, this one absolutely takes the cake. I used to read it aloud, quite dramatically, to my roommate while she pissed herself laughing. Good times, good memories....
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-01 17:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woohoo!
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just adding my drop in the bucket. <Ejaculates>
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadn't reviewed this yet
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-03-02 11:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the nut stomp had me laughing
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-02 03:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-02-26 23:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't remember if I've rated this or not but I'm rating it again. That's some funny junk.
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-02-17 16:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud (not good when I'm at work)
Oh for the record we go cow tipping in England too.
Err.... so I've heard
Submitted by epiphany (user info) at 2005-02-14 13:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-02-09 11:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive read this so many times and I still cant stop pissing myself laughing +2 x 100, Good post
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK THIS
Submitted by IBME69 (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read & reread this seeveral times n it gets fucking funnier each time,nice 1
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-04 19:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' awesome.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-28 01:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because uber is shutting down. Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
link whore http://clicktoexit.net
Submitted by Geodescent (user info) at 2005-01-11 18:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by blue_shift_revolution (user info) at 2005-01-05 14:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, I remember reading this a year ago and laughing my ass off
Good times
Submitted by lava605 (user info) at 2005-01-02 01:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is absolutly hillarious
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, wrong post. http://www.ubersite.com/m/53924
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass Austrian Pigs: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53601
Submitted by hellacious (user info) at 2004-12-15 22:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Arm_The_Homeless (user info) at 2004-12-09 16:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized that I've read this story three times and never rated it. God, I'm a penis.
Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-12-09 16:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats awesome as fucking hell.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-05 19:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is almost as funny as this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53179
and this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53250
but good try.
Submitted by Wonket (user info) at 2004-12-05 19:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is amazing.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2004-11-28 10:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
soccer moms do the same thing
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-11-24 22:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"..... Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. Then the Momma and baby just walked away. Lasse projectile vomited in a fashion very similar to my own. Mike and I stood there, open-mouthed, disbelieving."
Fucking great man!!!
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-11-09 23:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38535
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-08 23:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.freephotoiPods.com/?r=11667665
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2004-11-08 18:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass of!!! More stories!!
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-11-05 10:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Im gonna pin down my F5 key over the weekend so this so this is number 1
ahh fuck it
Submitted by Fish3000 (user info) at 2004-11-04 22:24:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by Simondk (user info) at 2004-11-02 00:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody funny story, but no: Even though you were raised with gløgg, you can still fucking hate it.
Hot wine, nuts and alcohol?!? I had hoped our mistake-to-end-all-mistakes was to colonize a big chunk of ice but NOooOOOoo... We had to make something that makes you puke AND wonder if that really is blood in your vomit. (Is it? It couldn't be. Could it? I do feel a little funny...)
And we don't hate Americans. Seriously.
Not much.
I think.
Submitted by PandemicSymphony (user info) at 2004-11-01 01:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome
Submitted by raznold (user info) at 2004-10-28 16:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, that fuked me up, gotta love it, funny as fuk
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Written, and pretty funny.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes!
Submitted by DukeRaoul (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753
Submitted by HyDrA (user info) at 2004-10-20 08:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah god...i'm having to hold my mouth shut and shake with my laughter as not to wake up my redhead sleeping on the futon...and i finally lost it at the monkey stomping...niiiice
Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
link whore and a +2
www.aolsux.us
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2004-10-14 13:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right on mate, next boozin' adventure, bareback brumies!!!
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did you say that you don't like cow tipping if you've never tried it in the firstplace? I'm from Wisconsin, and cow tipping is damn fun. Next time, though, do it at night, still be drunk, and don't push the biggest one.....ALONE!
Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats fan-fucking-tastic. i haven't that hard in ages.
fancy a laugh? look at http://www.letpandasdie.com
Submitted by stabitha (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, this was hilarious. "A scary ass cow scream" and "Monkey Stomped in the nutsack" thats great
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you like this, you'll love http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-23 09:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-20 12:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! I hadn't read this before. Fucking awesome.
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup!
Still Funny.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W?
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still laugh uncontrollably when I remember this post, and it's been almost a year since I read it.
Submitted by Rooster (user info) at 2004-09-12 03:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed
Submitted by squirrely_wrath (user info) at 2004-09-11 05:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe...good post! dont mess with aussie cows!
Submitted by Kyu <kamikazekyubi> at 2004-09-08 16:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truely, a riot.
Submitted by daniel <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-03 22:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never laugh, like some people can't whistle? But I feel it inside and it's like needing to burp but being unable to. Naturally some things make me hurt more than others with a need to laugh. This hurt like I'd been gut-punched by Clubber Lang. Please stop. I've fallen and I can't get up.
Submitted by icon (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Owns all.
Submitted by phredde2 (user info) at 2004-09-01 22:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still rolling on the floor -- who would have thought Mamma Cow was scarier than Mamma Bear!
Submitted by Adult Porn Star at 2004-08-30 18:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucked kristen, and fetish got jelous.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
monkey stomping calf! hahahaha
Submitted by chezmoi pulli ay <cmoorcraft.at.yahoo.co.uk> at 2004-08-27 15:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dear mayb u should stick to soft cuddly cows or indeed fake ones. If you can't tip cows physically
then instead of counting sheep b4 u go to bed count how many cows u tip ova. Hey u got away free
the exact same thing happened to me but i sued by the cow and got sentance for 6months(hehe)
that ws a great story may b u could make a film of then we all can see the amazing spewing of
purple and get the all time best throwing up award think of the fame
Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-26 15:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-1 for "I could barely choke it down. But since I was a guest, I did my best to smile and swallow. I drank entirely too much of it." How can you drink too much of something you can barely swallow?
+3 for "the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack." People getting owned by animals is the best. Don't fuck with nature!
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-25 20:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mess with cows.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-08-25 16:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, I've only heard the term Monkey Stomp used correctly maybe once before, and its always on testicles! And never by a monkey! ha!
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-25 15:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I believe I'm stuck now. Unless I get linked on another couple of websites (a la Tom's P2P story), I just don't think there's any way I can catch #2 or #1 on the Most Viewed Messages List. Ah, well... it was a wonderful run. I thank you all.
Submitted by JungleJane (user info) at 2004-08-25 09:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy hilarity! That's too fucking funny.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the all time greats!
Submitted by silja <scoobysil.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-24 07:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
teaches you to be nice to the cowies... :p
Submitted by Endo_Fire (user info) at 2004-08-23 14:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
worth it . . . made me start laughing in the middle of work so that people all looked at me a shade funny
Submitted by U-232 (user info) at 2004-08-21 21:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good
Submitted by dom magi <Magi.at.aol.dom> at 2004-08-21 16:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny as hell. the part about lasse getting monkey stomped in the nutsack tickled my funny bone especially. great story.
cow tipping can only be done in the moooooovies.
guguguug
Submitted by Richard DiMatteo <richarddimatteo.at.cox.net> at 2004-08-20 23:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Had a similar experience once, myself.
Submitted by a <a.at.a.com> at 2004-08-20 23:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jason <me.at.me.com> at 2004-08-20 17:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Todd <damnstrt.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-20 12:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit,
This was to funny. I couldn't stop laughing and my boss came in to see what the hell was so funny. I thought oh fuck im gonna get fired. But instead he read the article and had me set up an rss reader on his computer so he would get fark. Then he told me to stop fucking off and get back to work. Guess I just can't win. Oh well.
Submitted by welshwitch (user info) at 2004-08-20 12:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I admittedly found this via the Fark link, but I am addicted now. Already. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to piss myself. Thank God the boss is out for a couple of days.
Sent it to friends and family alike, and they had the same reaction I did.
Submitted by radio4bliss <dogksw.at.yahoo.com> at 20