The funniest shit ever (true story) (7021 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.82 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DIESEL (View user info) at 2004-03-28 23:13:58 EST
Well, I debated all day whether I should share with what happened to me last night, so since I can't tell my family i'll tell you internet strangers my story.
Ok it was my cheat day on a bulking diet, so I put away about 8000 calories including a lot of alcohol last night. Im at the usual weekend parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night. She's 17, so still a little on the immature side, but im only 19 so its all good.
Anyway i've talked to this girl a few times before, and to make a long story short I ended up going back with her to her room. About another 8 shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed, didnt bang her, but did pretty much everything else.
So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life. All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a little. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
I must have passed out about 10min after she did around 3am. I wake up at about 8am to piss and I find myself covered in shit. Im thinking WTF, and what happened was I shit myself when I was sleeping. It was all over the bed, sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of ther hammies. I get dressed and leave LOL This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. Anyway, im really gonna have to avoid her and I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.
User Reviews
Submitted by laurenthepirate (user info) at 2004-05-16 21:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You picked up your own shit. You picked up your own shit and smeared it on someones ass. You sick sonofabitch. Made me laugh though :)
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-04-22 21:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gross.....-2 for you
Submitted by LedHead (user info) at 2004-04-22 21:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You are a sick man.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-04-22 20:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm pretty sure I saw this on Bash before the date you posted this.
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2004-04-22 20:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Asshole. Take responsibility for your actions. What would have been so hard about 'this is kind of a mood killer but ill be right back'. I await your next post entitled: 'The worsts day of my life or My Karma.'
Korth
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-04-22 20:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boo this man for plagarizing!!! I knew it was too good to last (but it was frickin funny)
-Bus
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-04-22 20:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.............
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-04-14 01:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awko: you probably went and posted that there yourself you fucking douche
I posted it in a fitness forum, it doesnt make sense for someone to post it in a quotes database. The story is clearly about a weight lifter, aka ME.. not some irc fag named phoenix.
Too bad that site doesnt show the date it was posted
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.bash.org/?261931
Pretty much word for word.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are quite the ladies man, aren't you.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-04-10 11:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funniest shit ever
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-04-05 05:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The same thing happened to me. Except she took a shit and
blamed it on me.
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-04-05 05:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats BS lotar, show me a link.
I've posted this on one other site - not gamefaq's
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-04-05 05:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heheheh
Submitted by Lotar at 2004-04-05 05:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ive seen this posting before on another site, namely game faqs. Either u or him are faking this post or are some gay plagerist from another site, peep or magazine.
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-04-03 07:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-03 07:15:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its fucking awsome
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-04-03 06:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thats some whack shit....i rate it though
Submitted by ChromeTaro (user info) at 2004-04-03 05:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is better than anything ever posted on uber
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-02 19:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! That's hilarious. Reminded me of that scene in Trainspotting except he wasn't clever enough to frame anyone.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-02 19:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm speechless
Submitted by FleetEnemaBadass (user info) at 2004-04-02 18:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's just wrong. Funny though.
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2004-04-02 18:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-01 21:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man that cracked me up for 10 mins straight
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-03-31 16:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is fucking hi-larious.
+2 for you.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-03-31 04:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
True or not, it is sick and funny. Ah man!
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-03-31 01:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Atta boy.
Submitted by HotCarI (user info) at 2004-03-31 00:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn I am such a loser
Submitted by HotCarI (user info) at 2004-03-31 00:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This IS the funniest shit ever
Submitted by pot8tomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found the missing pic man
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28833 --- (NSFW)
GO BEARS WOO!!!!
Submitted by ubermensch (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice work my man. although you should've smeared it on her chest, so she would've thought she was a total dirty slut for asking you to crap on her chest.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:17:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rat, rat, rat, rat bastard.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not believing this for one second. This was just disgusting.
Submitted by logjam (user info) at 2004-03-29 14:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-29 08:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-03-29 07:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
Reminds me a little of trainspotting.
Submitted by deano (user info) at 2004-03-29 07:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I believe you Diesel, my mate did the same thing, twice. Though he was coked up and smashed on whisky when he passed out, then woke her and screamed at her when he threw her out.
So only +1 for not having much bottle
Submitted by bush04 (user info) at 2004-03-29 07:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kicker of all asses does not justify how hard i just laughed
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-03-29 04:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
phase 2: tell everyone you know about this incident, all her friends, family, etc.
phase 3: laugh as hilarity ensues.
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-03-29 04:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yea it was alright, reminds me of some of the shit me and my friends have done at parties. I didn't laugh, or giggle, or smile because quite frankly the stuff we've done is better. Maybe I'll write a little story about it.
Oh but dont get me wrong I still think it was a great idea and certainly helarious for everyone there.
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2004-03-29 03:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm conflicted.
You deserve a slap in the face and a -2, for what you've done to the poor girl...
But it was funny, and well.. It was a quick thinking senario...
Hmmm... +1... For...I don't even know...
Good Damn post.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-03-29 03:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed...
Submitted by Hammer2003 (user info) at 2004-03-29 01:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was real slick dude... Real slick, now you'll never get to finish what you started with her!
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-03-29 01:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty god damned funny.
Submitted by MrB (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let us know how meeting her next time goes...hehe
Submitted by roadkill (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
respect.
Submitted by bobdoleadvocate (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA LMFAO HAHAHA
FUNNIEST thing I have EVER read HAHAHA!!!!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
umm this was funny....sort of... but disgusting.
Yeah I think I would know when I was about to shit myself even if I was asleep.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty sick dude, if this happened.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was gonna +2 it, but ewww, man.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-03-29 00:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats cool if you dont believe me, I mean what can I do? Post a picture?
Submitted by Chad Whitehead <cdog8888.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-28 23:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was funny as hell when I read it the first time. Then I realized that it did not happen when I read it a second time.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was a great story!!!
Submitted by Hafguitarist6767 <Hafguitarist6767.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-28 23:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
what else can i say? you handled that amazing and even if this isnt true it still deserves a +2 for being funny as hell
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the love of God and all that is holy.....
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know this didn't happen to you, but it is still funny shit.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I say next time you see her you ask if she's feeling alright. Make it seem like you're worrid about what happened last time.
Then take her to her room again.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This didn't happen.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so funny, I added it to my favorites list.
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFLMFAOTIPMP. Thats sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo f***ed UP that it's funny as hell!!!!!!!!!! WTG!!!!
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would honestly give it a higher rating, but it was so disgusting that I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Oh God.... *shudder*
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Meh, I'd just prefer to lick her bum, and leave the shit on the other side of the bed.
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:17:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fantastic!
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-03-28 23:17:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is so manly!! it sounds almost like a man show skit. you should get a medal.
fuck yeah dude.