Money on the Floor and my first Uberversary (2679 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.85 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonukah (View user info) at 2004-10-27 02:41:30 EDT
I was feeling quite mopey all day today. There has been a rather big....ahh....debacle (for lack of a better word) with my girlfriend this past twenty-four hours. Let us just say that it involved quite a bit of money that she...lost. Without going into it, suffice it to say I was quite upset with the ordeal. And this was just after my trip to jiffy-lube where I found out that in addition to the air-filter, shocks, struts, dome-light, brakes, rotors, compressor, flux capacitor, upholstery, transmission, and other minor things like that that I need to get replaced, one of my headlights is out.
So, after all that, and a long day at school with exams, found myself sitting in a bar tonight feeling quite glum and sorry for myself. But not before a second headlight decided to join the first in not giving me a fucking break.
The only silver lining in my storm clouds was watching the Red Sox well on their way to a 4-0 sweep that I predicted after they won game seven last week. There wasn't a friendly face to enjoy the game with me, so I finished my beer and my pizza and headed to the men's room for my last pitt stop before I paid out.
While making my deposit into the ATM (Automated-Tinkle-Machine), I happened to look down upon my feet (Which you can do when you're slim and jewish, but only if you cock your head to the side so you can see past your nose.) Right there, under my feet, was a nice wad of cash, held tight by a simple money-clip.
What else can turn around the day of a poor, frugal college student?
This was a moral dilemma for me. The amount of cash was substantial enough that most would certainly miss it. I could definitely put it to good use. I could almost guarantee that I am in a worse-off financial situation than the person who dropped it so carelessly under the urinal.
So what did I do?
I pocketed it, of course. But then, I had to go and ask the bartender if anyone inquired about a missing wad of cash. When she said no, I told her that I would hang on to it for a week, come back to the bar at the usual day at the usual time, and if no one had claimed it by then, I would put it in the bank. I then paid my tab (on my credit card), counted the money so as to not confuse it with the cash currently in my wallet ($1.00, not including eight Subway stamps, finally enough for a free six-inch sub!*) Just to make sure I wouldn't mix things up, I put the cash in my back pocket, and found my way home. I would scan the wad of cash as physical evidence, but I hear that the Feds don't quite like duplications of U.S. currency floating about the web, for some odd reason.
*With the purchase of a medium drink. Sons of bitches.
My question to all of you: What would you have done? Would you have pocketed it and told nobody, not rested until you found the owner of the cash, or donated it to the Jonukah-needs-some-dough-for-skewl fund.
Well that is my deep-thoughts session for today. And now on to the fun stuff:
HAPPY F*#&ING UBERVERSARY!
Yup. I wrote my first post one year ago today, and it was utter shite, too. A horribly-etched rant about traffic circles. I've gone up and down since then, and you guys have been right with me the whole time with your comments and ratings. People with opinions. People like Bigmike. Always there for me....
...Giving friendly advice
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:58:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry. You're an idiot.
...Always giving me the most comprehensive of reviews
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-16 22:20:47 (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen better (-1)
...Telling it how it really is
Submitted by Bigmike (user info)) at 2004-01-29 11:36:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I said it before and I'll say it again.
Narcissist.
My well respected readers and critics have put me on the path. Since that first ugly post I've gone on to bigger, better, and more noble posts about things that really matter. You know...subjects like male-orgasms and blow-jobs and cum-shots and urinals and sex-dolls and masturbation and gay innuendo. And let us not forget the gratuitous cam-whoring! My critics have never let me forget my true calling:
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-06 01:25:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
God, I can't wait for you to post again so I can see yet another picture of you.
Really. I'm serious. No shit.
Well...I can't deny the fans. So here it is, what I do best:
The many faces of Jonukah. Dedicated to Bigmike.
User Reviews
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-11-23 19:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:11:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for bruce!
-------
And the badass samurai picture
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-29 04:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna do Uber Lookalikes.
And it's only going to feature a picture of you and a picture of me. Cause we are both a couple of hairy motherfuckers, and on top of that, I could probably pass as your little brother or something.
Now take me to a baseball game, or I'm telling mom.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-10-29 04:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You could look like Cpt. Ron, Macho Man Randy Savage, Fabio, a Mexican...
You're lucky.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-27 21:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a special emotional attachment to you, since I got here through one of your stories (If I cum now...).
I think I'm turning that collage into a poster.
Congrats, by the way. I only wish that I can stick around that long, but I'm not that creative.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eating ice cream? Lol. I'm spackling the wall.
No, (to whoever asked)I have only dabbled in martial arts before, but I do play lots of Street Fighter Alpha 3.
That has got to count for something.
Right?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If nobody claims it, keep it.
Don't go out of your way to find the owner, but if somebody mentions that they lost it and can accurately state the ammount of money in the clip, give it to them- but only if they they know the serial numbers and everything as well. You can't be too careful.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Two things...
1) How much cash was it? Did I miss that part?
b) You are as gay as it gets.
(See http://www.ubersite.com/m/49732 for proof)
Submitted by Poster_Boy_KoolMang (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How do these shitty posts get you onto the MVA?
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While working at an amusement park, I found $90. If you're unfamiliar with the small amusement park business, that's roughly... more than you'll make in a whole summer. The thing is, people who come once often will not come back. Usually it's because they're not local, but sometimes it's because someone makes off with 90 bucks that they left lay in the Octopus.
I kept the money, but only after leaving a notice in the main office and at the ride where it was lost. I think it's acceptable to keep the money if you make some effort to find the owner. At least that's what I told myself. I did buy Taco Bell for some co-workers, which made me feel better. Until, of course, the Taco Bell made its natural progression southward.
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kicker of all ass (-2)
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:29:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't get a reward or anything, but you can bet your ass that guy's coming back to my store.
---
Not if he actually met you.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and the money? I found myself in a similar situation last year. 210 bucks on the floor of one of our aisles in the store. I thought about pocketing it, as there was nothing else but a few receipts and the money, but then I thought about how shitty it would have been were it my money and someone else did the same.
We eventually tracked down the rightful owner by the credit card receipt.
I didn't get a reward or anything, but you can bet your ass that guy's coming back to my store.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
Wow, when I got to the collage I thought, "Jon looks an awful lot like Bruce Campbell."
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Uber Birthday Jon.
I don't think I've seen you mention it in any of your posts, but it looks like you practice some sort of martial arts. Well, do you?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Depending on how much cash was in it, I'd either do what you did (no way would I leave it in the bartender's hand), or if it was a large enough amount, I'd turn it in to the police.
There's nothing better than a clear concious.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, the Jesus (or maybe one of the three musketeers) pic
almost makes me wish I was gay.
But that one where you're eating ice cream is the best.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BRuce Campbell is that you?
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How much money was it?
When i read your posts and see your picture...it makes me want to grow a beard.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HIGHLANDER!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 05:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what your problem is Jon?
Lack of confidence.
________________
Comedic genius.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have pocketed it, but felt sorry about it. I would probably have had to spend it all to make me feel better.
By the way, very left, 2nd picture down..... you look like Kevin Kline.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe no-one has done :
ATTN GHEY MENZ!!
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-10-27 07:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How is it that in some of those photos you look like:
a. Jesus Christ
b. Wolverine (Of X-men fame)
c. A karate sensei
d. A porn star
Among other things.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-10-27 06:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-27 06:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmf
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-10-27 05:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 05:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what your problem is Jon?
Lack of confidence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brilliant
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 05:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what your problem is Jon?
Lack of confidence.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A porn star in every picture... good job.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-27 03:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Peter File is in the house.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Uberthday, have a +2. I would have kept the cash no problem. I'm a heathen.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for bruce!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the Jesus look-alike one near the bottom. You should photoshop a halo in it.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...I'm talking to Bart.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, I don't know whether to +2 or to submit your pictures to Gay Monthly magazine.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap, that picture second from the top on the right is awesome!