PMJ's Hate of the Day - Wrong Place Employees (1117 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-09-20 13:07:46 EDT
For a long while, I was getting more and more friendly. Things just always seemed to make me smile. Where as once, I would see a couple of matching dressed kids and imagine sticking their foreheads together with cement and an air tight plastic bag, I would instead smile to an internal monologue of "Awwwwwwww....".
I've come to this realization.
What the fuck was wrong with me? How can I not giggle at a child who drops his ice cream down the sewer and starts to throw a fit, only to have his cigarette smoking mother accidentally burn his cheek when bending over to pick him up, causing the screaming to intensify ten fold.
That's some seriously funny shit, and besides, facial scars build character.
So, in order to keep my sanity I've decided to get angry more often. When I do get angry, I will then relay that anger to you all in a post concerning what I hate for the day that has sparked my internal aggression. This is not being done because it's therapeutic, just in case you were worried. It's being done as the retelling of my hate will just cause my anger to build up again, and hopefully will take a little piece of my 'happy' soul with it when it does.
On with the show.
So, my hate for today is focused on the minimum wage retail retard. These are the no-skill 15-18 (or possibly older) shit-brained idiots who work the disheveled aisles of your local department segregated retail stores. Most of the time you'll find these $2.50 company colored shirt wearing, name tag sporting, downs babies strolling up and down the rows of any old Wal-Mart or Home Depot. For the most part, they're just as harmless as they are useless, and so they only kind of bother me by being in the way.
However, every so often, one of the lesser gifted of this already bottom feeding breed will wonder from the designated section. It's as if they're stupid to a degree that they can't even grasp the fact that if they've been assigned to stay in the paint aisle in order to help people locate the demi-gloss paint, then their moronic ass should be wandering in fucking garden supplies.
Although this type of behavior would be sufficient to warrant a large amount of hate, it always seems that when I finally give in and ask one of the tard-puppy employees where something is, I'll get one of these extra stupid shit-heels. When that happens, refraining from splattering the pimple faced idiots all over the hose extensions with the closest weed whacker becomes the hardest thing to do since sliced bread.
Wait, that doesn't make sense. Anyway, you get my point; I get super pissed and want to kill everything.
Here's a typical conversation between myself and a wanderlusting Corky.
Me: "Hello, Do you carry electric blankets, after all this is Canada and everything is either cold, snow, or both."
Red Shirt - 'Timmy': "I don't know."
Me: "This is the linen and sheets section right?"
RS'T': "I think so."
Me: "So what's the problem?"
RS'T': "I work in automotive."
Me: "Shouldn't you then be in Automotive as opposed to linens?"
RS'T': "Huh?"
Me: *BANG* "Fuck, well, it looks like it's back to jail for me."
Well, that's basically how it goes except that I don't actually go to the linen section. My Fiancée takes care of that kind of stuff. I'm a dude, I don't know shit about blankets. All I know is how to setup a stereo and how to kill spiders, and that's cool by her.
So yeah, fuck them, and their completely inbred ways. The only thing that keeps me from hunting down every single last one of them with a rusty screwdriver and a slingshot is the fact that I know that living out their minimum wage trailer park life and dying from gastronomic infection at the age of 42 after eating a poorly refrigerated mayonnaise sandwich will be way worse than having their life ended now.
Until next time, let the anger flow.
User Reviews
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-01 15:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss this fucking guy. So much.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-01 15:16:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the article. +1 for the suicide pic of a walmart worker.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-12-01 14:58:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey part II called and asked for his story to be continued.
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Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-01-13 11:16:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-01-13 10:36:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
PMJ, i hope this battle for uber series you're doing isn't hindering your writing of quality comedic posts.
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It shouldn't. I just basically haven't had a chance to do any writing recently as work has been crazy nutso busy.
There should be something up tomorrow though, whther it be Battle for Uber, or perhaps comedy.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-09-21 10:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-09-21 06:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn straight.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-09-21 00:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I smiled nicely as my open hand smacked him hard on the cheek.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-09-20 20:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-09-20 18:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's good to know that Wal-Mart has the same hiring standards everywhere...
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-09-20 17:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-09-20 17:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I know is how to setup a stereo and how to kill spiders, and that's cool by her.
Awwwwww. I can feel the love!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-20 16:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent hate post, as always
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hate Post Tuesday...I did a very similar story a little ways back about and employee at Best Buy...idgits the lot of 'em.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait....... You have to refridgerate mayonnaise????
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you would like my "I swear to holy fuck" series
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-09-20 14:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing that keeps me from hunting down every single last one of them with a rusty screwdriver and a slingshot is the fact that I know that living out their minimum wage trailer park life and dying from gastronomic infection at the age of 42 after eating a poorly refrigerated mayonnaise sandwich will be way worse than having their life ended now.
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This statement almost brought a tear to my eye.
Thank you PMJ, thank you indeed.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I handed a $20 bill out the car window to a homeless person in July.
He failed to grab it and it fell through the grate of the storm drain he was standing on.
Is it wrong that I'm still laughing from the look on his face?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:24:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
Would it incur your wrath to point out that if you were, indeed smarter than your average Wally World employee you could locate said electric blanket yourownself?
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No, no wrath incurred for that. The thing is, I probably could find the blanket if I tried, but trying is as over-rated as Six Feet Under.
Submitted by Red420007 (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking tards, nuke 'em all!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Would it incur your wrath to point out that if you were, indeed smarter than your average Wally World employee you could locate said electric blanket yourownself?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:17:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
If only you weren't Canadian . . . you could rule the world.
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hahahah
good post
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If only you weren't Canadian . . . you could rule the world.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently, i'm gay
<walks away confused>
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As a matter of fact, I'm AWESOME for checking the file name.
let's hear it for hatred.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-09-20 13:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for genuine hate,
+1 for filename.
Fag