Would you kill for an Uber account? I did. (862 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.28 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by rejected (View user info) at 2006-10-11 20:43:03 EDT
I have been viewing Uber posts for quite some time now, yet you have never seen nor heard from me as of yet. This is due to the fact that acquiring an Uber account takes almost the same effort as escaping Alcatraz in it's prison prime. Yes, this Uber name has in fact been used before but not by the likes of me, although the name is quite fitting for a number of reasons. One being the fact that this is my first time writing anything since high school English. I failed and slaughtered the teacher but that is a whole other topic in it self. The other we will get to in due time.
I am here now to tell you the tales of epic proportions that led me to be right here on my company cpu wasting valuable man hours writing for my NOW fellow Ubertarians. Due to being such an arduous journey I took many blows, now I can put it all in writing and take many more from all the Ubersexuals out there. And the story goes:
AUG. 25 2005: My long time best bud Average_Dan stops by on a day not unlike any other. We immediately crack a couple cold ones. In the short amount of time it takes to kill close to 70 beers (which is close to the amount of time it takes a Ferrari Enzo to go from 0-100) he gets to telling me about this new site he has started writing on. Enter Uber. I was intriged but meh, whatever.
OCT. 12 2005: I enter my shit job hung over as all hell. You know those mornings you drive the whole way to work with only one camera fully operational and you could still blow that bullshit .08 number straight through the roof using your nose. Enter dreadful job.
"Wow, you look like...".
"Fuck you" I growled to the stubby bitch at the reception desk before she could even finish her stupidly obvious statement. I hated that cum dumpster since the first day she worked there. Whatever. I take a seat at my much too small hole they call a cubicle. I proceed to piss away most of the morning until I had a spark in my pea sized brain. UBERSITE. I GOOGLE on to see what the hype is all about. I mean shit, I could be doing work, but fuck all that.
OCT. 20 2005: I viewed plenty of Uber material in that week and I liked what I saw. I always test something before I use it.
Okay, I want to be a part of this. You know, see what I can do and tell everyone how much they suck ass like Tina Turner. Really, she does. I saw an E! True Hollywood Story about it. Kinky shit.
REGISTER>> USER NAME>> PASSWORD>> PERSONAL INFO>> E-MAIL ADDRESS. Simple.
Just a couple of days and I will be Ubering it up basking in the harsh ratings of my man A_D, METHOD, and the likes.
OCT. 23 2005: I gave Uber 3 days and still no confirmation. Oh well, a couple more days won't hurt.
OCT. 29 2005: Wow. A week and a half and still no response. Maybe I will try again.
REGISTER>> USER NAME>> PASSWORD>> PERSONAL INFO>> E-MAIL ADDRESS.
NOV. 6 2005: What the fuck. No Uber response. Is this a joke, and if so, who is resposible? Must be that son of a bitch Bart. I will take care of this. I used my top secret CIA intel to locate his wherabouts. I went to his home and killed his dog, ate half of him, and attached a note to his dead carcass with the following info.
USER NAME>> PASSWORD>> PERSONAL INFO>> E-MAIL ADDRESS.
I also wrote the word SORRY at the bottom. I love dogs and I am a sensitive guy. It is a pity he didn't give me an account sooner.
NOV. 11 2005: Still no Uberness in my life, although I was contacted by the authorities. They were actually pretty pissed about the dog and were coming to "question" me about the incident. Fuck that. I had to leave the country for a bit and change all my personal info. No worries though. Maybe I can get an account with a new identity.
APR. 20 2006: One last try you Uber bastards. You can't know it is me.
REGISTER>> NEW USER NAME>> NEW PASSWORD>> NEW PERSONAL INFO>> NEW E-MAIL ADDRESS.
APR. 26 2006: FUCK YOU UBER.
I hadn't even recieved an Uber account and I was already sick of it.
I lie.
I wanted to be a part of the greatness so much and I loathed those with working accounts, posting, rating, fun. And then there is me, sitting around watching the Uber world go 'round and passing me by. I was so pissed. I QUIT.
OCT. 3 2006: So how do you obtain such a precious item such as an Uber account. Torture, thats how.
It was on this day that I attended an art exhibition being put on by the one and only A_D. I am standing there chatting it up when A_D tells me he would like to introduce me to a friend of his. We walk over and A_D introduces me to FORTHEWIN.
OHHH, these mutherfuckers are just rubbing their Uberness right in my fucking face. This is such bullshit. They just sat there and gloated about their Uber accounts. FORTHEWIN also let slip that he has multiple alters also. These fuckers have multiple accounts and I can't even get one.
So what did I do? I followed FORTHEWIN back to his hotel and used some good torture techniques that I learned from the photographs of American soldiers torturing Iraqis. The techniques involved a live goat, a miniature horse, a handful of everlasting gob-stoppers, thumb tacks, a box of Cheerios, and a Darth Vader Slurpee cup. I won't go into details, but God was it awful and terribly smelly. I shiver at the thought of it. Soon enough FORTHEWIN succumbed to my power and released his alters password and user name to me.
REJECTED.
Exactly.
So here I am. REJECTED. What a perfect name. Thank you A_D, FORTHEWIN, and thank you Uber world.
Now feel my wrath.
User Reviews
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-03 11:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing new, eh?
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-12 18:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i forgot to give you the actual +2. my bad
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-12 14:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, the fucked up part is, I emailed Bart on several occasions, after "rejected" had waited several months for email verification and he ignored me.
RUN THE WEBSITE RIGHT AND THERE WOULD BE LESS SHENANIGANS ON HERE, BART!
Media Nazi that you are.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-12 13:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:43:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:10:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:09:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
these bart non-verification shenanigans are especially annoying when I'm trying to get an alter.
__________________________
I agree. I've been trying for months, and finally, right after I get one (only by taking my cousin's account), I end up giving it away.
Now I'm going to have to get another one somehow, yet again.
----
No, you're not.
__________________________
Actually, you're right, I'm not. Alters aren't very fun.
Now what I'm wondering is how you were so sure of yourself about me not getting another one.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Seeing as how I'm hungover and have a weak stomach today, that picture is uncalled for. I keep having to say this:
Thanks a lot, now I'll go puke.
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
one of the better first posts I've read. would have been a +2 if you weren't an alter.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-12 12:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:10:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:09:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
these bart non-verification shenanigans are especially annoying when I'm trying to get an alter.
__________________________
I agree. I've been trying for months, and finally, right after I get one (only by taking my cousin's account), I end up giving it away.
Now I'm going to have to get another one somehow, yet again.
----
No, you're not.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-12 11:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think Bart supports our use of alters.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-12 11:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And WHY did Bart rate this a -2?
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-10-12 10:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:02:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S.
Please thank me for the brilliant content that I posted with Rejected before I turned him over to you.
Very few people put such effort into an alter.
In fact, I wish I posted the one about eating babies with this account.
_________________________
Are you talking about this post.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63373
Yes, good content indeed. Fitting also due to the fact that I eat babies all the time. They are very nutritious as long as you don't eat the digestive track.
No, really. Thanks FTW.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-10-12 10:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
for the unbnesssedfdssfary pic...
I think that's how you spell that.
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:39:12 (#)
Ranking: -1
This post sat about as well with me as a dozen chalupas chased by half a gallon of milk.
I did this once. The results were about the same as the dog picture.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-10-12 09:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This post sat about as well with me as a dozen chalupas chased by half a gallon of milk.
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-10-12 08:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
All foreplay, no climax.
Boo.
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-12 07:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-10-12 03:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Filename
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:49:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
Just make sure you don't select some horrible accidental emo name. That'll haunt you that one.
============
red: you know someone that did that? who was it?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-12 02:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just make sure you don't select some horrible accidental emo name. That'll haunt you that one.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-10-12 00:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
you can have apollo88 if you want.
seriously.
------------------------------
I already had it, and it's not that great.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-11 23:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Loser.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was alright. Reminded me of this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82740
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
AVERAGE_DAN AND FORTHEWIN ARE LOSERS
I DON"T BELIEVE THERE WAS NO ART SHOW THINGAMAJIGGER
YOU LIES YOU LIIIEEESSS
just kidding you're awesome, great start. Love the dog pic. <3
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is wrong with you posting that picture, dipshit? You deserve to get punched in the face.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was wondering the same thing, Dan.
How many people does heat require?
Does it reduce the heat production with every new comment? Does the heat production stay the same if there is someone else commenting in between? Does only one comment count towards heat for each person?
HOW DOES IT WORK?!?!?!11(ONETWOTHREEFOUR))))
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it??
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not so sure that animal is, in fact, a dog. Maybe a wildebeast of some sort?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These are the kinds of things I ponder
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I give something heat all by myself?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Littledan,
you are quite ironic.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto A_D +2
Not bad for a first timer.
Not bad for any timer really, but I just wanted to see what your response was to the last statement. I forgot to wait for a response.
Damn
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I look like a big dummy too. Kill me like you mutilated that beast.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
auto +2 for torturing FTW on my birthday.
But as method said, you have promise. I'm glad I caught this post so I can keep up with you.
============================================================================================
Since Sinistral's Auto +2 wasn't all that automatic, have mine.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can have apollo88 if you want.
seriously.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
niwehtrof
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No, but I'd be interested in killing you if you post this kind of shit again ON your new Uber account.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:09:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
these bart non-verification shenanigans are especially annoying when I'm trying to get an alter.
__________________________
I agree. I've been trying for months, and finally, right after I get one (only by taking my cousin's account), I end up giving it away.
Now I'm going to have to get another one somehow, yet again.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these bart non-verification shenanigans are especially annoying when I'm trying to get an alter.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I must know what happened to that dog.
And have a random question: has anyone ever heard of one being mauled by a shark?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S.
Please thank me for the brilliant content that I posted with Rejected before I turned him over to you.
Very few people put such effort into an alter.
In fact, I wish I posted the one about eating babies with this account.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-11 21:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies!
I don't remember there being a Darth Vader Slurpee cup.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It took me less than three minutes to go through the whole process.
Submitted by DuiTicket (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, registering is a pain here
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah you've got potential.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
auto +2 for torturing FTW on my birthday.
But as method said, you have promise. I'm glad I caught this post so I can keep up with you.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I expect good things from you. Don't disappoint.
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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